Conference to Tackle Bullying and Building the Filipino Family

Many people would probably agree that one of the most common problems children face today is bullying. This most often happens in schools, but can even be found elsewhere: at the neighborhood playground, at a friendly play date, or even in the comfort of one’s own home, as in the case of cyber-bullying. For some people, parenting may become even more challenging when the bully in question is actually their child.

The Bully and the Bullied
Maribel Dionisio, a parenting and relationship expert and co-founder of the Love Institute, gave a brief informative talk on “Managing Bullies” in preparation for the Family Congress 2012.

During the talk, she defined bullying as follows: the selective, uninvited, intentional, often repetitive oppression of one person by another person or group.

She also gave the following reasons why bullies bully:
•    He/she does not feel loved and capable of being loved.
•    He/she wants to seek attention.
•    He/she wants to take revenge.
•    He/she wants to prove that he/she is “superior”.
•    He/she wants to cover up for his/her low self-esteem or inadequacies.

Dionisio further described the common targets of bullies:
•    Children who look different — small, overweight or early maturing girls
•    Those who are slumped and who avoid eye contact
•    Those with poor social skills
•    Passive/non-assertive children

For each type of target, Dionisio suggested the following “defenses”:
•    For those who look different: Prepare kids for non-aggressive comeback lines like, “Yes, I love to eat” or “Yes, maybe I am fat,” or “Maybe I am huge.” Teach them not to squirm nor whine.
•    For those who are slumped: Practice confident body posture and try looking people in the eye.
•    For those with poor social skills: Look for a buddy or a group for support; do not isolate yourself.
•    For the passive ones: Teach kids to stand strong and tall, and to say firmly, “I don’t like it when you do that. Stop it now.” Practice the assertive delivery of such phrases to reduce the likelihood of harm.

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How to Manage the Bully
Dionisio enumerated the following ways for managing the bully:

1. Ignore - Do not take notice of the bully. Ignore his/her actions and words.

2. Distract - Divert the bully’s attention or focus to something else.

3. Befriend - Some bullies change their behavior when the person that they are bullying befriends them. In the case of Dionisio’s son, Raf, it was his brother who befriended the people who were bullying him, which eventually led them to stop bullying Raf.

4. Warn - Let the bully know that you will not tolerate his/her behavior any longer. Be confident and assert yourself.

5. Fight - This would be the last resort, i.e. to fight back against the bully.

Of course, notifying authoritative figures like one’s parents, teachers and other adults is something bullied children should also be taught to do. Raf, who was bullied as a child because he was overweight, also shared the following pointers that bullied persons and their parents should remember:

For the bullied:
- Have a healthy self-worth. Bullies can sense if you’re confident or not. So be a tough cookie — people will tend to ignore you.
- Change the crowd you hang out with. Spend time with people who share your similar concerns, habits, etc. Look for groups that have “positive peer pressure,” where people accept you for who you are.
- Confidence doesn’t grow overnight. Join activities like a camp, sports, life skills, etc. that teach you leadership skills.

For the parents of the bullied:
- Develop self-confidence in your children; help them be more sociable and assertive.
- When it comes to cyber-bullying (Raf was also a victim of cyber-bullying):
> Parents should familiarize themselves with the security of the medium their kids are getting into.
> They should know how to block Facebook and Twitter users that are bullying or harassing their children, and teach their kids to do the same.
> One of the keys is to teach kids about privacy — be wary about sharing passwords with other people, especially those outside the family.

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These are just some of the things Maribel and Raf Dionisio, along with other family, parenting and relationship experts will be discussing in more detail at the Family Congress 2012 on August 25 at the Valle Verde Country Club in Pasig City.

The Congress, with the theme “BFF: Building the Filipino Family,” will cover topics including “Handling the Bully and the Bullied,” “Managing Media and Technology Used by Our Children,” “Teaching Parents to Talk to Kids and Teens About Sex and Relationships,” and talks for teens on “Love, Sex and Dating” and “Careers and Relationships for Single Professionals.”

For more information, please call 579-0100, 0917-8972903, 0922-2521896, or send an email to familycongress@gmail.com. You can also get updates on the Congress via www.twitter.com/FamCong2012 and www.facebook.com/FamilyCongress.