Mom We Love: Danica Sotto-Pingris

“Sorry wala pa kaming sofa ha,” Danica says apologetically as we enter their home on the afternoon of the interview. “Pinadala kasi namin sa Pangasinan yung sofa namin.”

She had just taken a bath and was not wearing any makeup, but she looked radiant nonetheless in her jumpsuit shorts. Her husband Marc, a professional basketball player under the B-Meg Llamados team, and their 3-year old son Jean-Michel, or Mic, arrive from a quick trip to McDonald’s a few minutes later. Mic tries to hide his face behind a box of French fries when he notices us, but with a little nudge from Mom gives us a tiny wave.

Closely-knit family
Motherhood suits her well, we tell Danica, but she is quick to interject that she won’t be able to do these without her family’s help – her mom Ms. Dina Bonnevie, dad Vic Sotto, brother Oyo and his wife Kristine Hermosa, and their cousins, most of whom are her age. “Magkakasunod din mga anak namin. Before me, 2 cousins ang nanganak. Yung wife ng bunso nila Val who’s the brother of my dad, she gave birth nung February. Then the daughter-in-law of Tito Sen gave birth nung July. Then ako September, and then Kristine, the wife of Oyo, January. Or baka nga … pwedeng this month. Sunod sunod talaga and they’re really just months apart. My panganay pinanganak six months apart lang from my pamangkin, and then Oyo and Tin, they already have a boy prior to the baby, na ka-age ng son ko, 3 months apart sila.”

She says that having family members with whom she can compare notes about child-rearing and from whom she can get valuable advice is priceless especially when one of them needs encouragement. “Pag sobrang pagod o puyat, tawagan kami. Since may mga nauna sa amin (na nagkaanak), we get to listen to their advice. It’s nice lang kasi you have cousins na ka-close mo pa.”

She cites one incident when she felt most thankful for having these people to lean on. “My other cousin kasi she has 3 boys. Yung anak ko, boy na boy!” referring to how nimble and active Mic can be. “It was a bit of a challenge for me, and since may 3 boys na sya, na-experience na nya lahat, sya yung nagpapakalma sa akin. Tapos pag may mga mommy bazaar, yayaan. There was a time na we all went - ako, si Kristine, yung sister-in-law ni Ciara ((Sotto-Oconer, Sen. Tito Sotto’s daughter), even Ciara went kahit wala pa syang baby.”

[previous|page|next]

Preparing the 1st child for baby
While pregnant with her second baby, Danica says she and Marc made a conscious effort to prepare their son for the new addition to the family. “We got this book, ang title nya “I’m a Big Brother Now”. We read it to him every single night and he even memorized the book. Kunwari, “Guess who’s in our house” Alam nya na, idudugtong nya na – “It’s our baby!” Ganun nya na ka-memorize. It’s a big help kasi it’s illustrated, tapos pinapakita dun how he could be involved.”

“I would also let him feel my tummy when the baby kicks, “this is your baby sister.” Tapos when I was fixing the room and the gifts from the baby shower, I would ask him kung kanino yun, and he would say, “Baby’s”. I also used as an example my cousin’s baby, Naya. Sinasabi ko sa kanya, Caela (pronounced "K-La") is going to be like Naya and you’ll have a baby sister just like that. So nung nakita nya ako sa hospital na katabi ko na yung baby, hindi sya na-confuse, naintindihan nya kaagad.”

Making Mic understand that there would be a new baby was all too easy – or so they thought. “When Mic saw me breastfeeding the baby, siguro nakita nya na may certain bond kami nung baby, sabi nya “I don’t like Mommy.” Sinasabihan nya ako, “Go back to the hospital Mommy.” I had baby blues so nahu-hurt ako, pero sabi naman ni Marc, wag kong patulan kasi bata yan at di pa nya ma-express yung sarili nya.”

Like it was for everyone else, the first few weeks proved a bit difficult for Danica. “May time na gusto nang matulog ni Mic, so sasabihin nya, Mommy put Caela down. Sabi ko, how about you help me put her to sleep so I can put you to sleep? Since Mic is not yet used to having a sibling, he was insisting - syempre nasanay sya na nung dati sya kaagad, e ngayon kailangan nyang mag-antay. Sabi ko you wait. Eventually napagod sya, so I was breastfeeding pa-side, tapos pinipikpik ko sya sa kabila. Dun na nagsi-sink in sa akin yung reality na ganito pala pag more than one na yung anak mo.”

She admits that when she got home from the hospital, she was clueless about how to divide her time between her 2 kids and her husband. “Before, ang feeling ko ang galing ko na, ayos na schedule, I had everything planned out: time for Marc, time for myself, go to the gym, pick Mic up from school, play time with him, story time – gamay ko na. Tapos dumating yung isa, and it’s never the same.”

“For a few days after we got home from the hospital, we had to sleep in separate rooms para di mapuyat si Marc sa baby since may training sya – me and the baby sa masters’ bedroom, sila ni Mic sa isang room. Siguro dun naguluhan yung son ko sa set-up, kasi while na-explain namin na there’s gonna be a baby sister, siguro he was wondering why would Mommy and Daddy sleep in different rooms? Siguro feeling nya, na-kick out sya sa room.” Danica noticed that that was when Mic’s tantrums began, including incidents in school when he would hit classmates, which the teacher attributes to his situation at home. “Baka dun daw nya inilalabas sa school yung hindi nya mailabas sa bahay. So we would be very consistent in reminding him, ‘you have to use your gentle hands, and mommy and daddy love you,’ paulit-ulit lang.”  

[previous|page|next]

Marc as hands-on dad
She says Marc is the type of husband “na pwede kong iwanan yung baby nang di ka matatakot kasi alam nya mag-change ng diaper, alam nyang magpatulog, alam nya lahat.” Marc’s presence was very instrumental during the time she was recuperating because he would explain to Mic why Mommy couldn’t do the things she used to do before, and he would also play with the baby in the morning before he goes to training. “Si Marc yung nagpapalaks ng loob ko lalo na yung time na nagta-tantrums si Mic. He keeps me calm kasi minsan kung anu-ano na naiisip ko.”


Couple time
While spending intimate moments at home may be more practical, Danica says they try to go out instead. “Ginawa na kasi namin yun one time, nag-setup pa ko ng magandang dinner, kaso during dinner sabi ko ‘Alam mo itong door na to kailangan nang palitan.’ Meron at meron kang mapapansin. Hindi nyo na napapag-usapan yung kayo. Kasi ako dun ako nagkekwento sa kanya, we make future plans. Dun kami nag-uusap ng mga serious. Minsan nga wala naman talagang seryosong usapan, masaya lang kami.”


Lessons from Vic and Dina
What lessons did you learn from your mom and dad? “My dad is a man of few words, pero he’ll bite me, he’ll pinch me. Ma-touch sya atsaka mabigay. He says yung baby di pa naman nya naintindihan, ang kailangan nya sa akin yung love, nutrition and comfort, pero my son needs the attention, kasi mas nakakaintindi na sya.

Yung parenting style ng mommy ko na tina-try kong gayahin is that hindi everytime na nasa mall may kailangang bilhin. When Mic asks for something I don’t give it right away. Kasi ako nasanay ako growing up na nandyan lahat. Kapag hindi binigay ng mom ko, ibibigay ng dad ko. Syempre panganay, girl, and I would always get away with it. So I grew up not valuing the things that I had. I cared for them pero hindi lang siguro katulad ng ibang tao na pinagtatrabahuhan talaga nila. When I was single, lustay, without thinking na, bago pala ito nakuha ng daddy ko ilang beses muna syang nagpuyat.  

Si Marc, even if he didn’t grow up with his dad, binawi nya lahat yun sa anak nya. Sabi nya it’s not gonna happen to my children. He’s really involved. Those times na nasa labas kami, sya pa yung worried na baka hindi na kasya yung iniwan kong breastmilk for Caela. He’s very hands-on. Ang Mommy nya, single parent, she worked hard for them. Wala akong masabi sa mother-in-law ko, praises talaga, I admire her talaga on how she raised him and his siblings.”

She says that with the different ways she and Marc were brought up by their parents, they are able to strike a balance. “Opposite talaga kami. It’s just when I met Marc na I got grounded. Siguro kaya din sya binigay sa life ko ni God dahil dun.”

[previous|page|next]

When she learned about Marc’s life story, she realized how lucky she has been to have had so many opportunities that many people her age aren’t even presented with. “He was into sports at an early age, but his mom couldn’t afford to buy him new shoes. Syempre with 3 kids, hindi maka-afford, so he would do sideline tulad ng sa sementeryo, yung kandila ini-scrape off nila yung tumulong kandila tapos bubuuin nila and ibebenta nila yun para lang makabili nung gusto nya. Nakakita nga ako ng picture nya na nasa fair sya ng school, tapos sira-sira yung shoes nya. And I remember me growing up na bibigyan na ng shoes pero ayaw ko pa.

Pag hihingi kami ng baon kay Mommy, bibigay nya P50 tapos si Daddy 100 so lagi kong kino-compare, kaya mommy ko saka ako lagi kaming nagka-clash dati. She would say, “Pag ikaw nagtatrabaho ka na, saka ka magreklamo sa akin. I don’t pick money from trees.” Yun yung lagi nyang linya sa amin. Tapos sila Marc hindi naman laging may baon. Sobra akong nagi-guilty."


Discipline style
Danica and Marc are consciously trying not to raise materialistic kids, thus they hold back even when Mic threatens to thrown a tantrum. “Mahilig sya kay Lightning McQueen! Pabili nang pabili ng McQueen e ang dami nya nang ganun! To think minsan ang mura lang naman, kaya lang yung values e. Pinagtatrabahuhan yan. Hindi naman sobrang strict ha - if I know na magagamit nya at wala sya nun, I buy it naman, pero pag alam kong isang ganyan lang sira na, titiisin ko talaga. Yun ang gusto kong gayahin sa mom ko. Lalo pa si Marc, since lumaki sya na hindi nya nakuha lahat, may tendency sya na ibuhos nya lahat.”


Christmas traditions
For the past 4 years, The Pingrises have spent Christmas Eve at Danica’s mom’s house and Christmas day with the Sottos for the annual reunion. “First time this year na Marc doesn’t have a game on Christmas day. Sabi nya di na sya nakakauwi ng Pangasinan, so he wants to spend Christmas there. So mag-Christmas kami dun tapos New Year sa Manila.”


God’s grace
She and her cousins are all out on a mission, which she gladly shares with us. “Whatever mistakes our parents made, gusto naming baguhin. We want to raise God-fearing children. We’re not perfect – we will never be – but we just want to raise kids na may mako-contribute in the future sa society. It’s really important to us, so we pray for that and each other also.”

With these challenges that she has faced and overcome as a parent, Danica tells us her secret: “Be patient and have faith kasi syempre tao ka lang, so even if mahal na mahal mo ang mga anak mo, inaabot ka din ng pagod. Saka minsan kahit gaano ka mag-prepare, meron laging challenge but don’t be frustrated. Keep on going. Try other things. Pray for God’s grace, and cling on to that.”

Hair & makeup by Carmel Villongco

Photos by Dakila Angeles