Could Pinoys Learn from the French on How to Raise Kids?

Each parent has his own method of instilling values, setting limits and disciplining his children. Cultural sensibilities, of course, have their respective influence on parenting in different countries, and each raises a certain amount of skepticism or praise. Tiger moms, for example, make their kids go through rigorous training in order to bring out their fullest potential. On the other hand, France, has puzzled many because for some reason, the French phrase “savoir faire” (the innate ability to just know how to deal with any instance) seems to also apply to their parenting style.

American author Pamela Druckerman, who wrote a book entitled “Bringing Up Bebe” on French parenting, shares how French moms seem to have such a calm air about them when raising their children. Instead of stressing over her child wandering off in a park or making a mess while eating in a restaurant, a French mother knows her child will happily wait for his food to be served and even contentedly eat his vegetables.

The disparity struck her so that Druckerman led a study with economists from Princeton University in order to compare the parenting styles of moms in Columbus, Ohio, versus those in Rennes, France. The study revealed that American moms found looking after their children twice as unpleasant as French moms do.

Druckerman describes the French to consider conversation with their children important, as well as taking the time to expose them to literature, the arts and sports, all but with a certain degree of finesse. French parents make sure to care for their kids but not to the point of depriving themselves of much needed quality “adult time”.

Druckerman goes further to communicate the extent to which overparenting has seemed to consume American parents and other parents across the globe. You’ve probably already heard of “helicopter parenting”, which refers to how certain parents hover over their kids and being too controlling over their activities. 

Another point that Druckerman raises is how Americans seem to be too giving and liberal with their children that they simply have a hard time saying “no” to their kids. And when they do, rather than being followed, it encourages an attitude of rebellion or disobedience. 

 

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She notes that one of the values significant in French parenting is patience. Druckerman explains how the French make it a point to be firm about scheduling their children’s meals and snack time, and delaying gratification to teach the kids how to distract themselves so as to not feel impatient when waiting for something they like. This is why the typical French child knows how to sit and talk quietly over a meal that could very well last for hours. Druckerman also notes that French moms know better than to tend to their child’s every whim, as early as during infancy. The fact that France provides access to maternal health care, free child care, and encourages as much as five weeks’ worth of vacation helps shape their parenting style.

In conclusion, Druckerman believes that French moms approach parenting more as a form of “education” rather than a form of discipline. They set to instill a framework by which their kids learn on their own how to go about things rather than relying on their parents for everything. By exuding a calm authority, French moms get to have their children obey their rules while minimizing the potential of parenting-related stress.

What do you think about how the French raise their kids? What do you think other parents can learn from them? We’d love to know. Share with us your thoughts by leaving a comment below.

Sources:

• February 4, 2012. Pamela Druckerman. “Why French Parents Are Superior” online.wsj.com 

• Emma Bland Smith. “Bringing Up Bebe” wondertime.go.com 

• February 8, 2012. Marcela Valdes. “S’il-Vous-Plait: Raising Your ‘Bebe’ The French Way” npr.org 

 

Photo by Jacob Johan via flickr creative commons http://www.flickr.com/photos/vdm/3714182144/