Nangingilala si Baby

Separation anxiety, also known as “pangingilala” in the vernacular, is a common and naturally-occurring milestone in a child’s emotional development. This usually starts to appear between 8 and 9 months, peaks at around 1 year, and gradually disappears before 2 years old.  Your baby may have different ways to show you he has separation anxiety, but children will commonly make a fit or would have tantrums while he clings to you very tightly, or cry silently while watching you leave the house.  

”Pangingilala” is an important emotional milestone, but what is the best way to manage it? What can moms (and dads) do when baby is exhibiting signs of separation anxiety?

1.    Be supportive.  Seeing so many unfamiliar faces increases baby’s anxiety, but he will gradually warm up to them eventually. If he does not welcome the new face instantly, wait for a few minutes so that he could get accustomed to the new surroundings, then try again. However, there will be some relatives who, for some reason, think it’s endearing or cute to see the baby cry when his mother leaves. Make them understand that this only worsens the situation, and is by all means a no-no.

2.    Warn relatives. It might be helpful to tell your relative upfront that baby is in that “nangingilala” stage, for them to better understand your child’s behavior. This will also hopefully help prevent any misunderstandings or ‘tampo’ with lola.  

3.    Teach relatives and friends the appropriate approach. Tell your relatives and friends that you want to give your baby enough time and space to observe, explore and discover the new experience. By going slow, using a soft and pleasant tone, offering familiar toys and waiting for him to accept it, the unfamiliar becomes familiar.

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Another helpful tip to ease the process of separation is to create a distraction. When you leave the house, give your baby something else to do to shift his attention away from you. Say a soft “bye” with a kiss and quietly slip out without making a lot of fuss. A prolonged good-bye hug and kiss and going back again and again will demonstrate that you too have separation anxiety. Be consistent. It might be difficult on your part too, to leave your baby behind, but being clingy will only encourage your baby to be the same.

On the other hand, abruptly leaving and not saying goodbye to your baby is not a good idea, either. Instead, try to tell your child in a normal conversant tone that you have to leave for a time and will be back soon. Talking to your baby in a soft, caring tone while giving a warm reassuring hug is also helpful in easing your baby’s anxiety.

As they grow older, babies will start to have object permanence, or when the child knows that the object or person is not really gone even when it is not physically visible. This starts as early as 6-8 months and gradually broadens with age. Telling your child that “mama will be away for a few hours” and that you “will be back later” is very helpful. He will begin to understand and be reassured that you will indeed be back later.  

Spending quality time with your baby is important to help your child cope better with separation anxiety. Share enjoyable experiences with your child by smiling, holding your child, and even simply keeping them close, and allow them to hear your voice by singing or just plain talking. Being warm, caring and supportive is the key element to helping your baby through this stage.


Sources:
•    Center for Effective Parenting: Arkansas State PIRC. www.parenting-ed.org
•    American Academy of Pediatrics. www.aap.org


Photo by memekode via flickr creative commons