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  • gay If you should find yourselves blessed with a child who shows tendencies of being gay, know that your child will experience tough challenges as he or she grows up. Speaking from my personal experience, I have witnessed how my parents had a hard time accepting the fact that my sister is lesbian.

    But since homosexuality is a reality, you would want to know the facts. The following ideas are based on the book Understanding Homosexuality, Changing Schools. A Text for Teachers, Counselors, and Administrators by Arthur Lipkin, an instructor at the Harvard Graduate School of Education. In a nutshell, here are the stages of emotional development that a homosexual child undergoes:

    1. Pre-Sexuality (Preadolescent nonsexual feelings of difference and marginality)
    Usually occurring between the ages of six onward, this stage is where the child notices stirrings (not to be confused with sexual desire – that comes later) within that he or she does not understand. There is the awareness that fitting into the basic societal definition of “boy” or “girl” seems to require effort, whereas peers don’t seem to have that problem. It is occasionally described as a feeling of doubt, a sense of something wrong, a feeling that the child is different from others. This is the phase that seems most difficult to articulate, due to the child’s age.  
    2. Identity Questioning (Ambiguous, repressed, sexualized same-gender feelings and/or activities. Avoidance of stigmatized label)
    This stage becomes apparent during adolescence and if not allowed to progress, the young teen may remain stuck in this phase for years, even decades (there are documented cases of individuals in their late fifties and sixties who have spouses and children but who nonetheless possess homosexual natures). This is where the child realizes that he or she feels sexual yearnings for others of the same gender. Emotional tension may be experienced and will manifest as anxiety and confusion arising from the fact that the child possesses some knowledge of a difference between what is homosexual from what is heterosexual. In non-progressive societies and religions, the child realizes there is a negative connotation to homosexuality and he or she may seek to conceal it or try to resort to ‘curing’ it by whatever means he or she may believe effective. This can be anything – prayer, counseling, drugs, immersion into ‘manly’ or ‘feminine’ activities – all done to expunge the sense of guilt and bewilderment she or he may be harboring.


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