5 Ways to Help your Child Amid Bullying in School or Online

Let's face it—bullying can happen to anyone, including your precious child. It doesn't only happen in school, but also online. The good news? Parents can do something about it. We can empower our children even before the inevitable happens.

In a timely back-to-school episode of Smart Parenting Village Live, editor-in-chief Ronna Capili Bonifacio sits down with Thumby Server Veloso, also known as Teacher Thumby, an early childhood educator, school owner, and member of the Smart Parenting Board of Experts. Together, they tackle one of the most pressing concerns for parents today: how to support our children amid bullying.

How can parents support their children against bullying

1. Teach your child about trusted adults in school.

According to Teacher Thumby, one of the biggest gaps in bullying situations is the lack of support for bystanders. While some kids witness bullying, many are unsure of how to respond, often afraid they might become the next target.

"What we need to do is teach them how to talk to parents or other teachers, and feel that they have a safe space where they can tell adults who can do something about it," she says.

"Build a strong relationship with your child so that they will talk to you, and they will share things with you." —Thumby Server-Veloso

Children must know who they can trust at school or home, and feel confident that what they share will be treated with care and confidentiality.

2. Build a strong connection so your child feels safe opening up.

Having regular conversations in natural, everyday settings helps children feel safe sharing their thoughts and experiences with their parents. Teacher Thumby encourages parents to carve out intentional moments, such as having dinner together, to strengthen their relationship. "Being with their family every day, they will start talking about their days, what they saw in school," she explains. "That becomes a great jump-off point for parents—when their children tell stories about what happened in school."

Through these conversations, parents can gently insert questions or prompts to educate them on what they can do next time they witness a bullying incident.  "Sometimes they'll say things like, 'I'm afraid', or 'I'm scared.' Parents can offer reassurances, or even say, 'If you want, I can talk to the teacher,' or I can go with you when you talk to the teacher.' If they prefer anonymity, say, 'I can email your teacher for you,'" she said.

3. Be a good role model, online and offline.

While monitoring your child's online activities may be tricky, Teacher Thumby reminds parents of their important role when it comes to how they act in social media platforms. 

"How your children see their parents interact on social media is how they're also going to interact," Teacher Thumby reminds. "If they see parents being very calm when they comment, or interacting with other people in very respectful ways."

However, she says, it's not always a guarantee. That's why having an open and honest communication line with your children is beneficial. "What you want to do is build relationships with your child so that they will talk to you, and they will share things with you."

"When you're with your kids, turn off your gadgets. You have to really listen to what they're saying, look at how they're behaving. You'll be able to see if something is going on and help them." —Thumby Server-Veloso

Teacher Thumby also warns parents against giving their young children unmonitored access to social media. "They are still young. They still need rules and guidance. And if scary things happen to them online, they need to know that somebody is going to protect them."

Giving them free rein too early can lead to unhealthy habits, like becoming passive bystanders—or even bullies—without understanding the consequences. 

4. Take every opportunity to educate your child about bullying.

Teacher Thumby tells parents that they don't have to wait for a serious incident or a big moment to discuss bullying with their children. Books, movies, and short videos can spark important conversations.  Use these moments to ask these thought-provoking questions:

• What would you do if that were you?
• Would you ever act like the bully in this situation?
• Have you ever wanted to put somebody down? Why?
• Were you ever in a situation where people put you down, and how did that make you feel?
• What did you do when you saw someone being bullied?
• If you didn't take action, how did that make you feel afterward?

These questions foster self-awareness and empathy, which are essential in helping children navigate bullying.

5. Be present for your children.

Talking to your child about bullying shouldn't be a one-time, serious sit-down thing. It should be an active and ongoing conversation between the two of you. Teacher Thumby reminds us that the more time you spend with your kids, the more they will learn about family values and gain a broader perspective from an adult's point of view.

"It comes from organic conversations that you can address all sorts of things, and bullying will just be one of them, but they'll be able to learn from parents, how should I react, how do I protect myself, how do I keep myself from becoming one, and how do I help other people?" Teacher Thumby stressed.

When parents spend a lot of time with their children and are present, they can also observe their behavior and notice any changes. "Children who are being bullied sometimes have their behavior change. They become withdrawn, or they become depressed. So sometimes those are, like, signs that you have to look out for, and you won't be able to see that if you're not there for them."

Her reminder to parents: "When you're with your kids, I know this is hard to do, but you have to turn off your gadgets. You have to really listen to what they're saying, look at how they're behaving, and how they react to certain situations. Because of the time that you spend with them, you'll be able to see if something is going on and help them."

These are the moments when your child will be most open to sharing—and when your support can make all the difference.

"They'll be more willing to talk to you about their problems, or their fears, or the things that they're going through. And then you'll be able to help them," she said.

Watch the full episode of Smart Parenting Live with Teacher Thumby here:

Join the Smart Parenting Village Facebook group to ask questions about bullying with your fellow parents here.