Your Big Kid and Dealing with School Violence

It’s a stinging reality that purposeful aggression may begin as early as five years of age. This is many a parent’s dilemma: That their child may be a “victim” of these emotionally or physically damaging acts, or may turn out to be the proponent themselves, the former of the two, the more common worry, especially among young boys.


Bullying in Boys and Girls
Take note however that these behavioral patterns are quite prevalent in girls as well, except that the methods are notably less physical. The American Medical Academy notes that “Boys tend to use physical and verbal bullying, while girls use more subtle and psychologically manipulative behaviors such as alienation, ostracism, and character defamation”. However, most young children manifest assertive behavior at the most primal level, the use of force and intimidation.
 
If that last paragraph sounded horrendous, or like something more applicable to high school students, bullying is a much greater problem than we perceive it to be. On April 6, 2009, 11-year old Carl Joseph Walker Hoover of Springfield, MA, USA, hung himself with an electrical cord after repeated incidences of being taunted as being “gay” throughout his school life. The young and handsome Walker was a school football player, boy scout, church member and loving son. This story that rocked America last year is a prime example that bullying is clearly not normal and should be addressed with extreme care.


Why it happens
General psychology indicates that violent behavior stems from several greatly varying causes. Bullies may be neglected or abused at home, as even the slightest form of negative verbal suggestion from a parent, done repeatedly, can cause a child to project feelings of inferiority into a superiority complex.  

Comments such as “You’re so lazy, and you do everything wrong, look at the neighbor’s kid, he’s so well behaved!”, heard over and over again is a clear catalyst to aggressive behavior in school. Couple in mass media, unnecessarily violent and non age appropriate video games and there you have it.

 

Click here to learn more about the possible triggers of bullying and school violence.

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Read on to learn more about the possible triggers of bullying and school violence.

 

Also, the American Academy of Family Physicians (AAFP) note that bullies are more often bigger and stronger than their peers, but take note that smaller children who have flock leadership tendencies are also potential aggressors. What separates the act of bullying from other violent childhood expression, is the fact that it is done repetitively, is ongoing, and is dealt to “weaker” children.


Tips that may help prevent your child from being bullied
You may find yourself asking, “How do I prevent my child from becoming a victim?” Sadly, there is no particular way to stop this practice entirely, as many forms of school violence exist, such as school fights.  However, we can do two things: Prevent our children from becoming bullies themselves, and give our children an edge, so that they may not end up in the cross-hairs of a three and a half foot tyrant. Many of these preventive measures address all forms of school age clashes.
 
1. A good way to ensure your child does not end up becoming violent or a victim of violence early in life is a good home environment that is positive and encouraging. One does not have to be a restrictive parent and monitor everything the young child sees on TV. Take the ever popular Pacquiao fights for example. Taking time to carefully explain that boxing is a sport and should not be done outside the ring is of extreme value. Show them that our “Pambansang Kamao” (National Fist/Fighter) is a productive and peaceful man outside the ring through news clips and the internet.

2. Also, encourage your big kid to participate in sports. Martial arts especially, lends discipline, as well as gives the child an advantage in the school environment. “She takes up Karate!  We can’t steal her lunchbox!” In line with that, team sports encourage cooperative play and camaraderie. The Philippines plays host to a mixed crop of races and our genetic stock has a wide range of skin color. Discrimination can be an issue. Sports again may be an advantage, since a child may be exposed to different people, but the primary source of introducing the ideals of equality and diversity to a child begins with a parent.

3. In line with this, charitable or volunteer work may accord virtues of compassion. An integral component here is proper coordination with school staff and counselors to make sure that your school does not take childhood violence lightly.

 

Click here to learn more about how other ways of helping prevent your big kid from being a victim of bullying and school violence.

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Read on to learn more about how other ways of helping prevent your big kid from being a victim of bullying and school violence.

 

Alan German, father, Public Relations Executive, former Self-Defense instructor, Mixed Martial Arts champion (Trained in Brazil) and coach gives us his two cents:

“As a father to six year old Roj, who’s much bigger and stronger than children his age, I instruct him to be protective, instead of aggressive.  This goes well particularly whenever he’s with his sister or cousins. Although always conscious about his strength, he’s learned to be more sensitive to the feelings of everyone around him.  More empathic”
 
Stressing on the act of bullying itself and school, he says: “I firmly believe that bullying is more of an adult problem than a child’s problem.  Cases arise out of neglect.  It’s not just the parents, but also school authorities who throw incidents like this under the rug and deem them `natural’, and `part of growing up’. Actually it’s not. There’s a fine line between being assertive and being a bully. And this line is crossed when a child gets physically hurt…which can thus lead to lasting emotional damage in some cases”
 
And about his martial arts background and raising his son?  “My son is well aware of my Mixed Martial Arts practice, and tournaments. It’s good to have your child know that fighting can be a sport with rules. It’s not difficult to explain the difference to a child, and once this is established, a child may be able to focus his excess energies into any sport, not just a combat related one”
 
You as a parent have the power to allow your child to live as a child should, peacefully. To be extra-vigilant, I suggest forming “Anti Kid Violence” watch groups involving parents and school instructors, or you may do this through your Church or homeowners groups.
 
Although violence in itself can not be eradicated from human society, let’s try and give this generation a head start, so that enriching values may be passed on to their children. Who ever said that the idea of world peace can’t begin at home?

 

Photo from sxc.hu