1. “My son is the youngest among his all-boy cousins. They tend to leave him out of their activities. My heart breaks for him. How can he be part of the group?”
“If the gap is big, then it’s natural for them to exclude him; they have different developmental levels and different interests,” says Dr. Guerrero-Manalo.
Dr. Cainghug adds, “This is a difficult situation because his cousins may prefer an older boy to play with; your son could be very young and not aware of their rules yet. As he grows older, he will learn how to play by their rules and will eventually be accepted. In the meantime, just be supportive of your child.”
Encourage your son to join his peers instead of playing with the “big boys,” adds Juan-Matti.
Dr. Guerrero-Manalo continues, “If the concern is that he’s the same age but he’s left out, it might be because he has developmental delays. Children are very attuned to the sameness and differences among peers; they’re not going to play with a kid who seems to act like a baby.”
2. “My son always wakes up his baby sister when she’s sleeping and secretly hurts her. What’s the deal?”
How do I get him to stop? This is normal. When you have a new baby in the house, there will always be some sort of ambivalence among the older siblings, says Dr. Guerrero-Manalo. Even though you encourage the older kids to love the baby, they might not be really open to the idea.
As for your son, reward him when he does something good. Ask him to help you care for the baby, adds Dr. Cainghug, such as handing you her diapers or preparing her crib. This way, he will feel some responsibility towards the baby. And when he helps, praise him to high heavens. Avoid punishments. The more you pay attention to misbehavior, the more he’ll do it because that’s when he gets attention.
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Read on to see more preschooler questions answered.
3. “What’s the best way to tell my three-year-old she’s going to be a big sister?”
Honesty is the best policy. Juan-Matti says, “Skip the flowery statements and tell her straight up. Tell her that there will be an addition to the family and that she will have an opportunity to have a baby brother or sister. Read books about siblings. Let her know that it will be fun to have a sibling.”
Show her books about pregnancy, Dr. Guerrero-Manalo advises. Cognitively, she might not understand but it’s still better to prepare her. Tell her there’s a baby inside your tummy. Help her process the experience.
4. “I always tell my son never to talk to strangers. But sometimes, people I don’t know approach me to ask a question, and my son wonders why I talk to strangers! How can I explain contradictory situations such as this to him?”
Juan-Matti says, “Explain to him that there are situations only adults can handle because they are older and wiser. Tell him that when he is older, he will be given the responsibility to handle such situations.”
You also have to be more specific about your instructions, says Dr. Guerrero-Manalo. “Don’t just tell him you can’t talk to strangers. Sometimes, the danger doesn’t come from strangers. Sometimes, the danger comes from people you know. Tell him, don’t go with strangers. Don’t go with people you know unless Mom says you can.
Photography by David Hanson Ong
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