How To Deal with Your Preschooler’s Lying

Build a Foundation of Trust – Lead by example by keeping your word to your preschooler.  If you promise that you’ll spend time reading her stories before bedtime, keep that promise.  If you can’t, don’t make excuses.  Apologize for breaking your promise and make amends. Let him learn to trust that you also keep your word.

 

Explain the Value of Honesty – Even after you constantly remind them that not telling the truth is a bad thing, your child may only grasp the moral implications of lies after the age of six.  To positively reinforce honesty, you can use various stories to drive home your point like “The Boy Who Cried Wolf” or use family history anecdotes that may be appropriate (“When I was a little girl, I once broke lola’s favorite vase.  She asked me who did it and I told her that it was my fault.  She was very sad but she told me she loved me and I promised never to do it again…”) or use real-life stories from saints, heroes or famous people.  It is important to make note of two facts: that honesty is important, and that lies may have serious repercussions.

 

Be Clear About What You Want - It is very important to establish boundaries of what is proper behavior with your preschooler—using concrete examples helps.  Having ice cream is all right for dessert after supper, but not right before a meal. Making watercolor palm prints is okay on paper, but not on the family dog. With experience and time, your little girl will be able to assess for herself what actions are appropriate for what situations.  Hopefully, she will carry those lessons with her into adulthood.

 

Click here to learn more about humor youring preschooler's fantasies, avoiding accusations and how to sympathize and put yourself in his shoes.

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Learn more about humor youring preschooler's fantasies, avoiding accusations and how to sympathize and put yourself in his shoes.

 

Humor His Fantasies – When it comes to your preschooler’s imaginary friends, super-powers or fantastic journeys, the best thing to do is to listen with interest (and not sarcasm) and wean him slowly into the bedrock of reality.  An active imagination is part of a child’s normal psychological development and is relatively harmless. So humor his fantasies. It’s human nature to indulge in imagination for entertainment—that’s what sci-fi movies, video games and telenovelas are for.  Isn’t it great that your kid is using his own imagination instead of buying into someone else’s?

 

Avoid Accusations – Instead of angry confrontations and accusations, frame your statements so they appear non-threatening, but are able to coax admission from your child.  When my cousin’s five-year old son, Jarvis, discovered the joys of leaving sooty footprints all over their kitchen floor, my cousin would calmly ask him how the floor got all dirty.  Afterwards, she would ask Jarvis to help her mop it up and they would do so together. 

 

Sympathize. Put Yourself in His Shoes – I’m sure you can sympathize with why your preschooler does not want to tell the truth about who spilled toyo all over the blanket.  Instead of pretending it didn’t happen or denying that he’s the one at fault, he could own up to his mistake and make up for it by helping mommy clean up the mess.  Be gentle with pointing out that eating siomai and toyo on the blanket while watching TV was not a good idea, but that you’re pleased that he admitted that it was his fault and made amends.  Eventually, the realization that the truth is more important will become an ingrained habit.

 

Read more on how to first do no harm and to let your preschooler know that you love him when you click here.

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Read on about how to first do no harm and to let your preschooler know that you love him.

 

First Do No Harm – If you want your preschooler to admit to a wrongdoing, be calm.  Yelling, screaming and flying into a rage at your child is the surest way of making certain that she’ll never tell you the truth again. It’s important to remember that you first need to do no harm. Children who undergo harsh punishment for the most minor of offenses grow resentful of their parents.  They either become too hard on themselves and lose self-confidence, or become rebellious and belligerent (and multiply that by 100 once they hit their teens). 

 

Let Him Know You Love Him – Give your preschooler reassurance that you’ll love him no matter what he does or what happens.  When he realizes that using your lipstick as crayon on the bedroom wall is something that will make you furious, he may refuse to admit to the deed for fear of losing your love.  Explain that you still love him, even though he did something you wish he didn’t.

 

Source:

• Anne Krueger, Lying: Why It Happens and What To Do About It

 

Photography by Ocs Alvarez