Is It Wrong For My Child To Sleep Beside Me? Experts Weigh In

How old is too old to be co-sleeping? And why are there so many warnings about it online if others say there are benefits?

The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) is firm on its stance against co-sleeping with children when they are less than a year old. Sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) and sudden unexpected death in infancy (SUDI) have been closely associate with co-sleeping with infants, which is why we often see warnings on baby products sold in America.

Aside from the convenience of being able to breastfeed the baby on demand, the protective maternal instinct somehow programs mothers to keep their young in close proximity.

The same is true with most mammals like elephants and pandas. However, just because it is natural, moms should not jump into it without being prepared. Safety should be the number one priority, so consider all possible scenarios that may go wrong. Here are some reminders:

Good co-sleeping practices

1. Have infants sleep on their backs.

They will be unable to lift and shift their head if they cannot breathe.

2. Blankets, pillows, and toys are unnecessary.

Just dress babies adequately before sleeping. Infants have no need for pillows, so best to remove them to avoid the risk of suffocation. The same goes for toys, books, and other objects that may poke or fall on the baby.

3. Don't put baby in the middle.

If you are sleeping on the same bed with your partner, avoid having the baby sleep in between you. Especially if both of you are deep sleepers, you might squeeze the baby or hurt her when you move unconsciously while you sleep.

4. Skip the booze.

Most important tip: Do not drink alcohol because it affects your alertness and don’t smoke in the bedroom too.

Once you get all conditions right, then you may consider co-sleeping, most especially if your circumstances will not allow sleeping in separate beds or rooms because of limited space.

 

 

Proponents of co-sleeping believe that this has been practiced across cultures for hundreds of years so most don’t even make an issue out of it. What’s more, co-sleeping allows mothers to sleep with minimal interruption, allowing her that much needed rest. 

Indeed, it is just so convenient and not to mention, an energy-saver for those who sleep with air conditioning on. Overall, many believe that co-sleeping promotes a deeper sense of security and calm.

How to wean your child from co-sleeping

As a child grows older however, you reach a point when you know it is not healthy to sleep together any longer. Privacy becomes a real concern for both as a child advances in age.

Co-dependency can be crippling, especially when it hinders either of you from experiencing new things. There are mothers who have given up the idea of work travel and there are kids who are simply anxious during class sleepovers. Opportunities may be missed just because either the parent or the child experiences separation anxiety.

How can parents prepare their children to sleep in their own rooms? Assuming your children have their own bedrooms to transfer to, here’s what you can try:

1. Nap in their own room.

Encourage daytime naps in their real room until they become open to sleeping there even at nighttime.

2. Make their bedrooms a cozy place to sleep in.

Children will want to sleep on their own if they see their rooms as a welcoming place where they can rest and retire after a long day.  

3. Create a bedtime ritual.

Have a ritual of reading to your children in their respective rooms or have a long chat in their bedroom so that they feel good just before sleeping time. You can watch videos together, but select the ones that won’t stimulate them to stay up longer. 

4. Pray, meditate, or try breathwork exercises. 

Take turns in leading the prayer or go into a brief mindful meditation exercise to signal the body that it is time to sleep. Breathwork exercises, like counting your inhales and exhales, is an excellent way to shift to sleep mode.

Listen to a sleepcast. These are recorded narrations that make use of soothing voices and relaxing sound effects. Subscribe to a sleeping app for kids like Headspace.  

5. Watch together, but bring them to their room for bedtime.

Watch movies or television shows in the master bedroom, but bring the children to their rooms when it is time for bed. This way, both parents and children still enjoy quality time together.  

Remember: Welcome children to sleep in the parent’s room once in a while. Kids won’t stay kids forever, so cherish those little moments you can still be together.  

During the day, assure children that you are always with them even if you are physically apart. Fill their love tanks so that they are secure and confident even when you are apart like during bedtime.

Another way to assure your kids is to listen to them and make them feel that you are always connected and in tune with one another so they do not feel lonely even if they are alone in their rooms.

Here's another tip: Celebrate the next morning with a gentle wake up call. This subconsciously tells the children than you are proud of them for being brave and strong during the night.  

Just remember to be patient with each other. Do not reject a child who may still walk back to your room after waking up in the middle of the night. Be kind to each other and avoid feeding them the idea that they are weak and insecure.

If you are the one feeling anxious about not having your child sleep next to you, perhaps try to spark up the romance with your husband inside the bedroom and renew your bonds with him for a change.  
 
Dr. Gail Reyes Galang is chair of the Family Studies program of Miriam College where she also teaches under the Department of Psychology. She is currently the associate director of the Center for Peace Education. You can follow her on Instagram at @gailfrancesgalang.