Whether your child goes to a playschool or a big school, the reality is that he will encounter different personalities in his class. Chances are, there will be children who like to tease, whether it is due to their playful nature, a means to get others’ attention or a manifestation of how the child’s home life is. While we cannot control the teasing child, we can help OUR child deal with these kinds of personality so that they know how to handle similar situations.
1. Stop, look and listen
It is normal for a parent to feel for her child who is being called names, but hold your emotions and judgments. Allow your child to tell you what happened and note the facts like the words the other child used, what triggered the event, etc. Knowing the facts would help you be objective to see the situation and would help you gather the needed information in order to feedback it to the teacher.
2. Take the cue from your child
Some children handle teasing gracefully, while others find it offensive. After your child relays the teasing incident, ask him two important questions: “So, what did you do when he did that?” and “How do you feel about what happened?” You may be surprised at how children react and feel about the situation, as it may not be similar to your own.
When your child says, “It’s okay, mom, I know he’s just teasing. It doesn’t bother me much,” this means that your child has the ability to handle it well and you need to trust him. Affirm your child that he did well and encourage him to share with you such incidents if it happens again.
However, if your child comes home in tears, compose yourself. Let him cry, give him a hug and offer to listen. Evidently, your child is affected by the incident, so once he collects himself, ask him to relay the story. You will be able to understand the impact better if you base it on your child’s response, and give him a better perspective.
Click here to read more.
[previous|page|next]
3. Process the incident
It’s important to process your child’s reactions and feelings and you as the parent must facilitate this.
• If he says “I just kept quiet, understand his reasons. If he prefers not to deal with him, it may mean that your child is not affected. If he says, “I kept quiet because I feel what he said was true,” it manifests some self-esteem concerns with your child, along with a negative self-image. If you note this, as well as fears of the other classmate, continue probing. You may ask, “Looking back now, what is it that you wish you did?”
• If he says “I told him to stop teasing,” affirm your child for standing his ground and taking courage to stop the other child. Whether the tease stopped or persisted, work on your child’s ability and confidence to deal with such a personality. Ask again, “How did you feel when you told him to stop?” This would help you gauge your child’s level of confidence and you may coach him along the way of asserting himself appropriately.
• If he says “I answered him back and called him names, too,” there may be further fights and power struggle. Though your child may be offended, the rules of living still applies and you should train them to be “assertive” instead of being “aggressive” when teased or offended by other children.
4. Affirm, assure, encourage
If your child often hears negative comments either at home or in school, this may affect how he views himself. Note his growing confidence to face other kids’ teasing, or check out brewing self-esteem concerns. Be your child’s cheerleader by affirming his strength, assuring him of your love and support and encouraging him to take small but sure steps in handling such situations.
Click here to read more.
[previous|page|next]
5. Be the coach, not the speaker
You will not always be there to cushion the blows your child may encounter, but you are the best coach your child has to teach him how to best handle such incidents. If you are always on his rescue and speak on your child’s behalf when teased, then he is losing the opportunity to learn important social and life skills. Instead, coach your child on how to factually report to the teacher the teasing incident. This is a way to empower your child to stand up for himself, while still getting support from adults.
6. Talk to the teacher or counselor
Once facts are gathered, write or seek a conference with the teacher or counselor. Maintain objectivity and be clear with your intention, which is to relay how the teasing affected your child and to ask for possible intervention to address the concern.
Dealing with difficult personalities is a skill that your child has to learn early on with proper empowerment. As the parent, you are tasked to ensure he is prepared to face such situations.
Photography by David Hanson Ong
Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipisicing elit, sed do eiusmod
Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipisicing elit, sed do eiusmod
