What you and the School can do to Eradicate Bullying

Bullying is not just a nationwide problem but a worldwide, social disease. It is an act characterized by repeated aggression by one person (the bully) towards another (the victim) with the intent to harm them physically or psychologically. It can occur among adults within the workplace and institutions such as prisons, but most prevalent and alarming is its occurrence among our children within schools. 

Bullying is no laughing matter. It is behavior with significant consequences for both the bully and victim, but especially the latter. Researchers have identified it to be a significant cause of child depression and suicide, with the youngest recorded bullying-related suicide involving a 9-year-old child. This is due to the fact that it often goes undetected and the bully-victims live with constant fear of their aggressors, and shame for their helplessness. Such feelings can even lead to gruesome acts of violence committed by desperate victims such as the mass murder shooting of Columbine, Colorado in 1999.

Research has shown that everyone will experience school bullying in one form or another.  Some say that bullying is a “part of growing up” and the pains inflicted by bullying make children stronger. That may have been true decades ago but today we see bullying take on more severe forms. In light of recent events, we must redefine our position regarding this social phenomenon and the limits to which we as a society will tolerate it.  

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Defining Bullying

According to the Journal of School Psychology, in an article written by Wang, Iannotti and Luk, there are different types of bullying.  They are:

1. Physical bullying where one is physically hurt through means of punching, hitting, pinching, hazing, and being forced to do things he or she doesn’t want to.

2. Verbal bullying where one is called names, taunted, and teased about their appearance, socio-economic status, religious beliefs and the like.

3. Emotional bullying where a person is intimidated by others, made to feel bad through means of being excluded from groups.

4. Rumor bullying where hurtful rumors and lies are spread about a person.5. Cyber bullying where any verbal, emotional, or rumor bullying occurs over the Internet.

A common misconception is that bullying is a male activity, when it is, in fact, an act not specific to any gender. While boys express their aggression through physical and verbal bullying, girls are more likely to release their aggression through verbal mockery and social exclusion.

(Related story: Bully-proof your Child!)

 

The Characteristics of a Bully

Dr. Dan Olweus, the father of bullying research, believes that bullies: 

• have a strong need to dominate and subdue other students and to get their own way,

• are impulsive and easily angered,

• are often defiant and aggressive toward adults, including their parents and teachers,

• show little empathy toward students who are victimized,

• if they are male, they are physically stronger than boys in general.

There is an adage often used within counseling circles: Hurting people hurt people. The root of bullying behavior, then, stems from some psychological dysfunction on the part of the bully. According to Dr. Cleofe Palac, a counseling psychologist who has dealt successfully with bullies and bully-victims, that dysfunction is most likely rooted in the child/student’s home-life. Kronenberger and Meyer add that bullies come from families where rearing practices are characterized by lack of involvement, inconsistency, and use of aggression as a discipline method.

Mrs. Rubirose Garrovillo, Dean of Students at Everest Academy Manila, offers a more thorough insight on the psychology of bullies: “In my experience, the reasons as to why a child/student may be exhibiting bullying behavior can be due to several factors. Circumstances that lead a child to bully others differ and should be carefully evaluated per case. There are some reasons, however, that are more often encountered in schools, and one of these could be the child’s previous experience with bullying (be it in school or at home).” 

She adds, “Some children who are considered bullies may have been exposed to negative child-rearing practices or negative role models (in real life or in media) that could, in turn, elicit similar negative behavior in school. Socio-emotional maturity may also be a factor. Some children simply lack the tools to be able to communicate their feelings or emotions appropriately (in a public or school setting). If the root of a student’s “bullying” behavior is due to the latter and the child isn’t guided or corrected early, then the behavior may simply persist or worsen.”

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To Eradicate Bullying 

Just this year, the Department of Education released the DepEd Child Protection Policy which recognizes the severity and lasting implications of bullying among students. The policy mandates each primary and secondary school to establish a Child Protection Committee to further their efforts, but more importantly sets the standard for students to behave with “Respect [for] another person's rights regardless of opinion, status, gender, ethnicity, religion, as well as everyone's moral and physical integrity.”

Everest Academy Manila is one institution that is proactive in preventing bullying in their campus, in line with the standards set forth by the DepEd. They begin by preparing channels of reporting concerns and even rumors of bullying among their staff, faculty and parents. Most importantly, they promote an environment that will create a campus culture with no room for bullying. Virtues such as respect and kindness, fundamental to the plight against such behavior, are emphasized, and students are given opportunities to practice and apply such virtues in real life starting with their peers.  

While the efforts of the Department of Education and schools such as Everest Academy Manila are noteworthy in addressing bullying behavior, parents should not be fooled to think that this is enough. If the root cause of bullying behavior occurs in the home as a symptom of family dysfunction, the means by which we can eradicate this problem lies mostly in what we as parents do at home.  

Moms, some of whom have kids who have experienced bullying first-hand, offer advice in assisting our children cope with bullying:

• “I would advise parents to create a feeling of security in the home by giving their kids love and attention. This way, the child's self esteem is nourished and developed. A child who is secure can carry himself/herself well outside of the home and is able to stand in confidence against those who are attempting to bully him/her. But more than the surface, the power of a praying parent can withstand even the highest of foes. There is nothing like asking protection from the ultimate parent Himself.”  – Picky, mom of Justine

• “It's best to listen, talk and comfort our kids but also to tell them the reality and not simply pad their confidence. Tell them you can't make everyone happy so just stick with people who are your friends rather than attempting to please everyone. Tell them you get judged - it's part of life - but you decide whether it will make you weak or use it as something that will challenge you to become a better person. Encourage them to be the bigger kid. Words hurt but it'll hurt the bullies more when you achieve more than what they could ever dream of.” – Micar, mom of Miguel, 18 and Mariel, 16

• “Before the parents expose their kids to the outside world, they have to educate their children about "bullying" and explain why some kids are bullies, factors that triggered them to become a bully, and how they bully. They must know their kids' strengths and weaknesses so that they will be able to teach their kids how to cope up or overcome fears, anger, and shame. Keep open communication with their kids to make them feel they are not alone, and encourage them to be patient and not to fight back. Report to teachers any incidents of bullying that may happen and make friends with those bullies.” -- Nimaran, mom of Nixie, 6

• “Parents should begin at an early age to teach their kids survival skills. I enrolled my kids in a martial arts class because it can help them when necessary. But first and foremost, children have to learn to speak up. Parents have to teach their kids what bullying is so that they can inform their parents of the situation, and speak up to bullies that what they are doing is wrong.” – Riza, mom to Pia, 9, Sasa, 8, and Seth, 4  

• From my experience of having been bullied when I was younger, parents must encourage their children to have confidence within themselves and not focus so much on what people say and think about them. They must teach them that God created them and that they are special in the eyes of God! It doesn't matter what anyone else says, but in whatever they experience in life they are founded in their trust and love of God." -- Grace, mom of Isabella, 1

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Additionally, here are other things we can do at home to help our children overcome bullying and being bullied:

• Instill values in your children such as respect for others, empathy, and compassion. While some children are neither the bully nor victim, many play the role of a passive bystander for fear of becoming the next target. “Whether an individual cheers, laughs, or observes the bullying and does nothing, these actions or “non-actions” reinforce bullying behavior and increase the likelihood that it will occur again.”

(Related story: Bullying and the Power of the Passive Bystander)

• Put a stop to bullying behavior at home.  Examine to see if your child is being bullied by a sibling, or a house helper. Those who are bullied at home may bring that behavior with them to school and vice versa. Be honest with yourself, as well. Perhaps you as a parent have modeled bullying behavior for your children in the manner you deal with your spouse, relatives, coworkers, or house staff.  

• Develop good relationships with your child’s teachers and school principal. They are your eyes and ears at school and can warn you if your child is bullying others or being bullied. Open lines of communication with them and work together to provide consistent discipline and support for your child.

• Give your children the security they crave. This can be done by sharing a meal together every night or other quality time activities. What’s important is providing your children an opportunity to talk about issues they may be facing. Children who have a sense of belonging at home have been said to have better social skills to stand up against bullying attacks. A child whose sense-of-self is founded in the understanding that they are loved, accepted, and cared for by their parents have less need to exert control and dominate others. A secure child will also be empowered and confident enough to report bullying attacks against his person or his peers.

Photo by alles-schlumpf via flickr creative commons