10 Common Courtesy Blunders: Are you Guilty of Them?

Say ‘thank you.’” “Wait your turn.” “Please be quiet while we’re here.” These are the lines a mother often says to her kids. It’s only right. We want them to be polite, gracious, and respectful human beings when they grow up. A lot like… us?

Not quite. We have to admit: Somewhere between the fast-paced and gadget-centered lifestyle and the rat race, a little of our gracious side is lost, and frankly, with a screaming toddler and a hungry baby vying for our attention, who has the time to be nice?

The good thing about common courtesy is that it doesn’t take time. It takes only presence of mind to do things right. “The number one rule is to be considerate of the people around you,” says Lia Bernardo, etiquette expert and columnist for Philippine Daily Inquirer. Here, she lists the ways we can make the world a better place simply by not annoying the heck out of people.

Image from dailymail.co.uk

1. In the office
Office e-mail is for work-related e-mail. Send private-topic e-mails to a colleague using your personal account.

The computer, supplies, and files that you use may be office property, but personal space must still be observed. If you need to use someone else’s machines or paraphernalia, ask for permission first.

Send work-related text messages to co-workers only during office hours. If you do get one, politely acknowledge receipt of the message and say, “I’ll get back to you first thing in the morning.” If you’re the one sending the message, think again: Is it so important that it couldn’t wait until the next workday?

Conversely, keep private calls short and to a minimum. If you get a non-urgent call, tell the caller that you’re at work and that you’d call him as soon as you can. Use earphones if you want to listen to some music, but do not defeat their purpose by singing aloud. When people are talking, wait your turn to speak. Do not interrupt.

RUDE ‘TUDE TALE: “Some fresh grads in my office hole up in the washroom to chat. Granted, they’re not disturbing the peace in the work areas, but they’re hogging the mirror and sink and the ones who need to use them end up being the ones saying ‘Excuse me.’ Que horror!” - Name withheld upon request

2. On escalators
Stay on the right side if you want to stay put. Leave the left side free for those who are in a rush and want to climb past people.

Do not congregate at the bottom or top of the escalator and cause a bottleneck. Move away first if you need to huddle with your companions.

RUDE ‘TUDE TALE: “I didn’t know that the ‘right side, left side’ rule was observed everywhere in the world except the Philippines (it seems). I learned the hard way when a hurried man in a suit in Wall Street in New York City boomed from behind me, a tourist: ‘Mooove!’” - SJB, mom to two kids

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Image from shoppingblog.com

3. At the fast-food restaurant
Decide on what to order while in line. Do not think only upon reaching the counter, greeting the staff with “Uhhh… ano kaya…? (What would it be?)”

RUDE ‘TUDE TALE: “I once had this group of girls ahead of me in line, talking about everything under the sun except what to order: boyfriends, bags, beaches. Of course when they reached the counter, they took forever and a day. That’s why I appreciate it when a crew gets orders while people are still in line. It helps a lot.” - Maryjane Calinao-Dungca, mom to Maia, 7, and Crystal, 2

 

4. When taking public transportation
Fall in line while you wait.

The bus, jeep, or taxi is a public “place.” Do not groom yourself in transit (or any public place for that matter). “I’ve actually seen a person cut her nails and another one shave on the road!” says Bernardo.

Do not push and shove—all the more when you have a reserved seat. Do not crowd boarding gates and other entrances.

Too much hand luggage is inconsiderate of other passengers.

Get nearer the exit when you know your stop is next. Do not use the reserved seats for pregnant women, senior citizens, and persons with disability.

RUDE ‘TUDE TALE: “I was pregnant back when the cars for men and women in the MRT were not yet separate. I’m astonished by how a lot of men turned a blind eye on my huge belly in order to keep their seats. It’s the women who graciously offered their seats to me. I’m forever grateful for that.” - Clarisse Velayo, mom to Josh, 9, and Kenzie, 6

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5. In church
Children are not required to attend mass until they’ve had their first communion (which is at age seven or eight). If you cannot control younger kids, do not bring them along.

RUDE ‘TUDE TALE: “Funny how the family with the most number of kids that start whining midway through the service always takes up the front pews. Haaay!” - Name withheld upon request

Image from thefw.com

6. At the supermarket
If you forgot something but are already at the checkout counter,,slip away and get the item only if the cashier isn’t done ringing your purchases yet. Do not keep the others in line waiting. If you really have to get the missing item, you have to fall back in line.

RUDE ‘TUDE TALE: Bernardo recalls, “I was at the checkout counter one day when the woman behind me repeatedly bumped me with her cart. At first, she apologized, but on the last time, when I got annoyed, she retorted, ‘Ang tagal eh!’ (It's taking so long!) She was doing it on purpose the whole time!”

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Image from tiffanynielsen.com

7. Cell-phone courtesy
In this age of the caller ID, going straight to “Anna!” is fine if between close friends and family, but with other people, normal phone courtesy should still be observed.

Do not cold-call people who don’t know you. Send a text message first to introduce yourself and ask for a good time to call.

“Your text messages are an extension of you,” says Bernardo. “They reflect who you are as a person. If you answer with a curt ‘K,’ you’re really saying, ‘I couldn’t care less.’ Think about the time that the other person took to craft his message to you.”

Do not make or take calls or text in the movie house. “Even if your phone is on silent mode, the light is still on and everyone behind you can see it,” points out Bernardo.

Do not tinker with your phone or gadget at family dinners or social functions, especially when there is a speaker in front. “Checking your phone from time to time is okay, but playing a game or reporting what you’re doing on [social media] is so obnoxious,” opines Bernardo.

RUDE ‘TUDE TALE: Bernardo shares: “One of my pet peeves is when friends get together and the first question they ask when they sit is: ‘Is there wi-fi?’. Why would they need it when they could interact with one another? Face-to-face time is more important.”

8. Basic social graces
Always introduce new people to one another. When in doubt, always mention the name of the person with the higher social standing first (it’s always the woman, unless the man is older). In a business introduction, mention the name of the person with the higher business rank first.

When you receive an invitation, your first response should be “Thank you.” You may confirm or send your regrets later, but never sweep an invitation under the rug just because you know you can’t make it to the event.

RUDE ‘TUDE TALE: “I think Filipinos in general should be more assertive in new-people situations. Rather than waiting for someone to introduce you, if you’ve been talking to a person for five minutes, introduce yourself already. There’s nothing to lose and so much to potentially gain!” - Rio Manimtim, mom to Ross, 9, Gabe, 7, and Rocco, 1

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9. At the ATM
Fall in line, and give privacy to the person currently using the ATM by maintaining your distance.

Leave, once done with your transaction. Do not linger.

Do not make or take a call while using the ATM. It slows you down.

RUDE ‘TUDE TALE: “This is actually a nice story: The man before me obviously had multiple transactions to do. Instead of doing it all at once and leaving us waiting for a long time, he did maybe a maximum of three transactions and then went back to the end of the line, which wasn’t long anyway. I thought it was very nice of him to do that.” - NC, mom to E, 7

10. In elevators
Line up while you wait.

Let alighting people get off first.

Get in the back if you’re one of the first ones to get in. Conversely, if you are one of the last to get in, step out of the elevator first to let alighting passengers step out, and then you step back in. “The elevator won’t leave you behind,” Bernardo jokes.

Instead of causing a bottleneck while you stop at the door to push your floor, ask the person nearest the board to kindly press it. Conversely, if you are that person nearest the board, do this courtesy for the other people. If it’s full, don’t force your way inside. Wait for the next one. “It’s more a matter of safety than etiquette,” Bernardo adds.

No talking if you can help it. Says Bernardo: “Nobody [in the elevator] needs to know your life story.”

Always hold the elevator door button open if there’s room and someone has signified his intent (i.e., running, saying “Hold it, please!”). However, if you see people taking their time, regardless of the free space, you may go. It means that the people approaching are not in a hurry. Don’t delay the other passengers with you.

RUDE ‘TUDE TALE: “Being a plus-sized woman, I really hate it when people look at me when the elevator is overcrowded. It’s not always my fault—they should look at the three skinny people forcing their bodies in at the last minute!” - M. Cabrera, mom to JV, 5

Got a rude 'tude tale to tell? Tell us about it in the comments below!