Bare Minimum, Flexing, And Fatherhood: Masama Ba Ang Maging Masaya At Proud?

The following story came straight from the first-ever Smart Parenting daddy editor-at-large, and the man behind the DadbudPH Facebook community, with over 45,000 member dads as of writing. 

Smart Parenting's advocacy, now more than ever, is to include dads in parenting conversations. We want to provide a judgment-free space where dads can voice out their unique points of view, whether majority agrees or not. Smart Parenting remains a platform that's  pro-parents, and that includes dads.

Read the words of  our daddy editor Joey Ong, 43 years old, husband to Ciara, and father to a cute toddler named Joselito.

The new year is coming and yes, sa wakas at tapos na ang 2022. Isa na siguro ito sa pinaka kakaibang taon sa ating buhay. We went from lockdown days to todo-todo kagulo freedom and meet ups na parang nakawala sa kulungan.  

As a parent for almost three years and a husband for six, I have grown mentally, emotionally, spiritually and yes even physically over the past years, especially during the last three when my wife and I were blessed with our baby boy Joselito.

Talagang napaka laking blessing at lahat nalang ata ng ginagawa niya at ginagawa namin ay gusto ko i-flex sa social media ko and to my circle of friends and followers. #blessed  

I recently met up with an old friend and sabi nga niya sakin na nakita nila na lumaki ang anak ko dahil sa pag share ko sa social media. They felt that they were part of the journey and yes, everyone in our lives, in our circle is definitely part of our journey.

'I was called out by a friend that my family is "overexposed" and I felt really bad back then. Masama ba maging masaya at maging proud?' -Joey Ong

As a community leader to Dadbudph and a storyteller by profession, part of my public interaction is sharing and this is something that I am aware na pwedeng magkaroon ng misinterpretations. Some will be inspired, some will find it too much, some naman dedma lang.

That’s the beauty of social media, the diversity of the people we interact with and always remember that we can’t please everyone. I was once called out by a very good friend saying that my family is “overexposed” and back then, I felt really bad about the comment from a dear friend.

Masama ba maging masaya at maging proud? Walang basagan ng trip! Social media is a space where we are granted freedom to express everything yet we often forget the most basic or the bare minimum when it comes to interacting with people or fellow humans and that is respect.

RELATED: Isabelle Daza: Oversharing on Social Media May Affect Kids' Self-esteem

How social media is shaping parenting and families

Society today has turned into a toxic mush of hate that is sprinkled with envy and served cold with negativity. OK, before you react, let me explain why and this is from my own personal observation and experience.

I honestly believe that everyone is entitled to their own opinion on anything and there is such a thing as freedom of speech, but like most things in life that requires social interaction, “feelings” are involved that is why we still need to be conscious of how people will react.

'As much as it is basic [to put our family's needs before ours], it is also an achievement dahil sa totoo lang, mas madali maging selfish pero hindi tayo ganiyan.'

Hindi naman pwedeng bira ka lang ng bira, diba? Busina ka muna kase hindi naman mahirap gawin yon, actually basic lang siya.

Kung alam mo na may masasaktan ka sa sasabihin mo, then isipin mong mabuti kase nga, as my favorite saying goes, “You can’t unfart”, more so in social media. Flex? Yabang lang ba or proud talaga? Alam ninyo, ako, being an admin to a community of dads, I encounter every day this decision of allowing a post na feeling ko yabang lang or proud moment ba talaga?

Dads aren't that complicated

For the past three years that I have been dealing with Filipino dads, all 45,000 of us, I have arrived at the conclusion that most of the time when it involves anything for our children, it is genuinely a proud moment.

Let’s not complicate it by adding layers because sa totoo lang and most guys reading this will probably agree, we are not that complex when it comes to the way we express things. Mga mumshies alam ninyo 'yan!

Us dads and men in general, we are not into cryptic or double meaning posts, and more so with photos and posts. Isipin ninyo lahat ng kilala ninyong lalaki na nagpapapicture with anything, hindi ba pare-pareho lang ang hawak namin, mapa basketball yan, baby, aso, trophy, alak? Lahat parang diploma.

'Bare minimum should not exist in parenting.' -Joey Ong

Feeling graduate lang dahil may pinagdaanan na hirap at tiyaga. Hindi po natin kailangan lagyan ng masamang kahulugan lalo na pag sharing about our children. Flex lang Dadbuds, you deserve it! 

Sa mundo nating mga magulang, siyempre hindi mawawala ang pasaway or yung mga taong kulang talaga sa pang unawa at malasakit sa pamilya. This is a sad reality and as much as possible we do not encourage this and as dads, we try our best to be the best role models for our children and the best partners for our wives.

Masakit din makita ang pag generalize dahil hindi naman lahat walang kwenta at madami ring dads ang masipag, mahusay, matiyaga, matulungin at masasabing mabuting ama. To say that we put our family first before our own personal needs is innocent and there is no need to add malice to this statement.

RELATED: Spend Less Time On The Phone, Get Rid Of Parental Guilt, Be Present: 7 Parenting Resolutions For 2023

As much as it is basic, it is also an achievement dahil sa totoo lang, mas madali maging selfish pero hindi tayo ganiyan. Do we deserve an award for this? Maybe a pat on the back every so often is okay and this goes out to both Mumshies and Dadbuds.

There is no competition and only teamwork, this is something every one should always keep in mind. The concept of “bare minimum” should not exist in the parenting world. Good parents will always give our all and even more for our children.  

Now that the new year is here, let’s set aside the negativity and doubt. Let’s have faith in one another in building a better future for our children.

Let’s work together to achieve more and be more by always remembering the bare minimum of being kind. Hindi to mahirap gawin, yakang-yaka natin to sa 2023! #BeKind