5 Things Moms Say and What they Actually Mean

Mommies are not perfect, but that’s a secret we try to hide from the world, most of all from our kids. We want our children to see us as strong, reasonable, and completely involved in their affairs, even though the truth is there are times when we become passive or impatient, because we’re just plain tired.

When the product is not as perfect as the promise, we instinctively turn to an old marketing trick – semantics – to stay the hero in our children’s eyes. It’s not all self-serving -- an unshaken confidence in their mothers’ devotion gives children the feeling of security that helps them to bravely face each day.

Here are some of the things we say in our supermom personas – and what we in our true selves really mean:

What Mom says: “Yes.”
What it actually means: “I can’t talk right now.”

My children love how open minded their mom can be:  “Can we have instant noodles for dinner?” Yes.  “Can we go to the lawn, dig up the soil, and make mud castles all over the front yard?” Go ahead. “Can we bring the pillows to the living room, pile them up on the floor and the sofa, and pretend we’re skiing down a mountain?” As long as you don’t break your neck.

It’s not that Mom doesn’t dream of preparing balanced meals, maintaining a manicured lawn, and sleeping on clean pillows. It’s just that right now, Mom is on the phone, or brushing her teeth, or trying to beat a deadline.  

If what you kids are asking for won’t end up with you getting fatally injured or kidnapped or poisoned, then go ahead and do it while Mom finishes up whatever is preventing her from talking right now.

When the toothbrushing is done, the phone has been hung up, and the deadline has been met, Mom will reconsider her decision. Keep your fingers crossed.

 

What Mom says: “I’ll think about it.”
What it actually means: “No.”

Mom can be lenient with some things, like unhealthy dinners and unsanitary beddings.

But you want to take a bath in the rain – except, it’s not just rain, it’s a thunderstorm. While Mom doesn’t mind thunder so much, she does worry about the lightning that always comes with it. So when you ask to go out under that flashing sky, “yes” is out of the question.  

Unfortunately, you’re not the type to easily take no for an answer. “But Mom,” you say, “the chances of me getting hit by lightning is smaller than your chance of winning the lottery.”

With that kind of attitude, you’ll probably make money in sales someday. But right now, Mom can’t listen to your sales talk. She’s busy composing an email trying to tactfully remind her client that their payment is two weeks overdue. She’s just not in the right frame of mind for the kind of discussion that saying “no” would result in.

So Mom avoids saying no by saying “I’ll think about it” instead. For you, that offers hope. For Mom, that buys some time so she can finish writing her collection email.

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What Mom says: “That’s nice.”
What it actually means: “I’m not that interested.”

Mom gets it: You find it fascinating that your cousin Anna can make voodoo dolls out of rubber bands, or that your playmate got a high score of 7 trillion points on Angry Birds, or that your teacher wears a different pair of shoes to class every day.

The thing is, while you’re telling Mom all these stories, she’s frantically trying to fix a glitch that suddenly appeared in her client’s website, to which her attention was called. “Urgent” doesn’t even begin to describe the troubleshooting and code modifications she has to do.

But Mom doesn’t want to hurt your feelings. She most certainly does not want you to think she is uninterested in your childhood joys. Unfortunately, the urgent has a powerful tendency to push aside the important.

Of course, if you told her that your cousin Anna was teaching you how use those voodoo dolls to actually hex people, you would have her full attention, glitch or no glitch. But for this particular situation, the glitch wins and the voodoo doll is relegated to “nice.”

What Mom says: “I don’t know, dear.”
What it actually means: “I don’t have time to answer.”

In all likelihood, Mom didn’t even hear exactly what it was you were asking. But she did hear enough to know you weren’t asking for permission to play in the thunderstorm. You were asking why some sort of animal does some sort of thing.

Now the fact is, Mom knows exactly why that animal does that sort of thing. The problem is, Mom has exactly 1.5 seconds to cover the baby’s butt with the diaper before the baby wriggles off again for the third time. And somewhere in the background, Mom can smell the rice starting to burn. She’s got to focus, focus, focus on the task at hand, and she has no internal resources left for answering ‘why’ questions right now.

So whatever it is you’re asking, Mom doesn’t know the answer. Ask Mom again after dinner, when the dishes are done, the house has been cleaned, the laptop is off, and the baby’s asleep. Then you’ll see how much more knowledgeable she becomes.

What Mom says: “What the h*** were you thinking?!”
What it actually means: “I’m scared. I’m absolutely terrified.”

You rode at the back of someone’s motorcycle. You went to a friend’s house when you were supposed to be in school. You cheated in an exam.

“What the h*** were you thinking?” Mom screams when she finds out. Her face is so red, it looks like a balloon about to explode. Her mouth is spouting words she always told you never to use.

Mom is obviously angry, but far more than that, she’s scared. She’s downright terrified.

You rode a motorcycle without telling her? You could have gotten yourself killed! You cheated in an exam? That proves she has failed to form good values in you. Perhaps she has set you up for a life of crime. You lied to her today about where you are? What other things will you lie about in the future, when you’re old enough to date?

Now all of a sudden, Mom is eaten up with guilt. She remembers all those times she was too busy to make healthy dinners for you, or play with you in the rain, or listen to your boring stories, or answer your endless whys. If she had paid more attention, worked less, and spent more quality time with you, perhaps things would be different. And now she is furious at you, but she is a hundred times even more furious at herself, for having limited time and limited energy, for not being a supermom.

How does Mom cope with all these overpowering emotions? She screams, “What the h*** were you thinking?!”

Mothers’ words are truly amazing. They can weave tales that lead children to Dreamland. They can soothe ouchies and make night monsters go away. They can help with homework and impart life wisdom. They can also be used to hide her weaknesses, limitations, insecurities, and pain.

Image from lyonsdentriplets.blogspot.com