'I Wish There Was an Undo Button IRL for Moms'

Most of the moms who come to our Facebook group Smart Parenting (SP) Village have a parenting, pregnancy or child's health question. But many also become a member to seek comfort and reassurance.

Motherhood can be a lonely job, made worse by doubts a mom has about her parenting skills. She knows there is no such thing as a perfect parent, but it doesn't give her solace when she makes mistakes. 

What has helped many of our moms is having a community who listens and who gives voice to her joy AND her fears and pain. She isn't always looking for answers — sometimes, it's about crying and screaming at the top of her lungs without judgment. 

We call it an #SPconfession.

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How to be a perfect mom? How do I become someone who is deserving of my child’s love? I am asking these questions lately because I feel like I have put my child in harm’s way on more than one occasion. It has come to a point when I don’t even let go anymore because when I do something wrong happens.

Yesterday, I had to rush my 10-month-old to the emergency room. He managed to open the rubbing alcohol that I had left on the floor after I changed his diaper. Where was I? I just stepped into the kitchen to boil water for his bath. I was gone maybe for less than a minute. I returned to see that he managed to pour the alcohol on him. I was so afraid he drank some of it, so I rushed to the ER (before we headed there, I made him drink water, but I did not induce vomiting).

The doctor had to do gastric lavage (stomach pumping). All I could think of was my child wasn’t a year old yet, and he already experienced having nasogastric tube insertion. Thankfully, he didn’t show any sign of poisoning after the 24-hour observation period.

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Now, I am having flashbacks of my every blunder and failure as a parent. I remember the times my child bumped his head, the mosquito bites on his skin, and now the (almost) alcohol poisoning. Natutulala na lang ako (I am in a daze). I feel so beaten, sad and stressed even though I know these emotions will affect my milk supply.

I feel so guilty every time my little one smiles at me. I don’t deserve that smile. Kung may undo option lang ang buhay talaga.

This piece was submitted to us via our Smart Parenting Village. It was written in Filipino and translated in English. It was edited for clarity.

Do you have an #SPconfession? Send it to our Facebook Messenger or email at smartparenting2013@gmail.com Join us at the Smart Parenting Village here.

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