Ellen Pompeo: 'I'm Not 100% At Work When I Have Kids At Home'

Ellen Pompeo, best known for her role as Dr. Meredith Grey on Grey's Anatomy, got real about the struggles of being a working mother.

In an interview with Alex Cooper on the Call Her Daddy podcast, Ellen said, "I'm not a hundred percent at work when I have kids at home. I'm absolutely not. "

She elaborated, "You cannot be a mother and have children and give a hundred percent to your job. You can't because there's a part of you that's somewhere else. You split into different pieces. You're no longer just you."

Ellen and her husband, Chris Ivery, share three children: Stella Luna, 15; Sienna May, 10; and Eli Christopher, 8.

The 55-year-old American actress, who starred in the medical drama for almost 20 years continued, "And you know what that does? It makes you more soulful. It makes you richer. It makes you funnier. It makes you feel more. It makes you more empathetic. It makes you angrier. It gives you this range of emotions that you can't even imagine having without this person. You will be yourself times a thousand. You will just be a better version of yourself. And it doesn't matter that you can't give a hundred percent to this. Because by the way, as women, we evolve anyway."

While she acknowledges that having children isn't the only path in life, she reassured other working moms that parenthood only makes them better. "You know, you're going to morph into, you'll morph into that person who part of your being is a mother. And that's only a plus."

Having a good support system is key

Ellen credited Shonda Rhimes,Grey's Anatomy creator, for supporting her journey as a working mother.

"When you tell her you're pregnant, you're having a baby, she literally like sounds the bell, the confetti comes down. How many days do you need off? What can we do for you? How do we make this easier for you? How do we get you paid and keep your job?"

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Ellen Pompeo (@ellenpompeo)

She appreciated how Shonda, who is deeply family-oriented, would offer accommodations for her. "She's always with her parents and her sisters and she really celebrates women going on a fertility journey, whether biological, non-biological. I had my second two children via surrogate, and she just a really big supporter of women being able to work and have families."

Ellen is set to return to TV in the new series Good American Family, her first role since Grey's Anatomy. 

The double standard for working mothers

During the interview, Alex highlighted the double standards working mothers face, pointing out how career concerns are unfairly placed on women but not so much on their partners. While society often judges working mothers as neglecting their children or being less dedicated to their jobs, working fathers are frequently praised for balancing both roles.  

Ellen also emphasized the importance of financial independence for women. She shared that she equated money with power early on, and she didn't want to feel powerless. "For women, financial freedom is true independence. To be financially independent to me is what makes me the happiest, it makes me feel the most free," she added, "I don't ever have to do anything I don't want to do."

Filipino working mothers feel the guilt, too

Filipino mothers shared their struggles with balancing work and family in the Smart Parenting Village, a Facebook community of over 110,000 moms and dads. This community provides a platform for parents to share their experiences, seek advice, and support each other in their parenting journey. 

A work-from-home (WFH) mom confessed, "I am tired from work. Who am I to complain as I am a WFH mom. I am so career-driven that I feel napapabayaan ko na ang baby ko na 1.5 years old. Gusto ko siya tutukan sa pag-aalaga kaso I need to work para sa kanya. Every time nakikita niya ako, sisigaw siya ng 'Mamaa.'"

She recalled a heartbreaking moment, "There was a time may biglang kumalabog, I thought napaano na siya. Binato niya pala yung toys niya outside to attract my attention. Then when she saw me, she smiled and clapped. Nadurog and puso ko. Anak, sana you will not take against me that I am a working mom. I am just doing this for you."

Another mom, who works in an office three days a week, shared, "When I came home kanina, I asked my eight-year-old daughter, 'How's school?' She said, 'Nothing to tell. It was okay.' I knew there's something she wanted to tell me. During bed time, she told me, 'You know Mommy, I wish you are home every day when I come home after school. You're the first person I want to talk to after school. I want to tell you everything.'"

"Hindi ko maipakita yung lungkot ko because I can't be that mom. I have to work. Sabi ko nalang, 'When you want to tell stories, leave me a voice message instead.' Then she said, 'Can I call instead?' But I broke her heart when I told her she can't because I'm always in a meeting. At ayun, natulog na siya."

"Anak, I wish I am there with you 100% of the time. I just wish I can retire early."

Final thoughts

Whether mothers stay at home or work, society will always have something to say. While some women can balance career and motherhood, others cannot have it all at the same time. As a working mom with two children, I know it takes a village to make it work. As I typed this,  my daughter said, "I wish your work is nothing. I wish your work is playing with me. I will just give you money if you play with me." And it breaks my heart. She's five years old.

What struck me most in Ellen's interview, and what working mothers could hold on to, is the reminder that motherhood is shaping us into the best versions of ourselves. Though this season is particularly hard, we can overcome it if we just ask for help and communicate our needs.

Ellen recalled her fear before becoming a mother, "What if I have a kid and then I don't like it? Like, you can't send it back. And then I thought, well, you know, I'm 38 years old and if I don't do it, I won't ever be able to."

But when they had Stella, their firstborn, she said, "My heart broke open, and it changed my life forever. And I evolved into a completely different person. And I would say I'm so much better for having had children."

When the days are hard, mamas, let's hold on to Ellen's words. We got this.

Check out these apps that working mothers use to hack parenting.