‘Am I Ready For This?’ Here's What It Feels Like To Be A Mom To Almost 2 Young Kids

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"What has my daughter turned into?" I looked at my almost-3-year-old sprawled on the floor, throwing a massive tantrum because she wanted me to carry her and I refused.

I refused because my big pregnant belly couldn't carry her anymore. I was 7 months pregnant and I wondered what happened to my sweet baby girl in front of me. I also wondered whether she and I were going to be ready when baby #2 comes out.

I have heard stories about the eldest being jealous of their younger siblings and how they can sometimes feel insecure about the lack of attention they will be getting when the family officially welcomes their younger sib. And I worry about that, alongside so many other worries in my head. 

3 worries of an almost mom-of-two kids

Worry #1: Am I ready for this baby?

Okay, so maybe it's a wee bit late to ask this question since I am almost ready to pop. But even though I have given birth before, you know that motherhood has a way of surprising you time and again. Holler to all the mommas in the house! So to be physically ready is one thing, but I know I also have to channel my inner mamba and be mentally tough, emotionally stable, and spiritually anchored. 

'Honestly, I was happy... but there's also a tug in my heart knowing that my career will have to be put on hold for a while.

And these days feel like everything is a blur. I have so many to-dos in my head because two months is not a lot of time to transition and prep for everything. So the question I ask myself these days is, "Am I ready for this?" and then I pray to God every night to please, please, pretty please prepare me for the season up ahead.

Worry #2: Is my baby #1 going to be jealous of baby #2?

Going back to the tantrum exhibit #113 that my daughter displayed, she has been having more of those lately. When I was pregnant and my belly wasn't showing yet, we always tell her that there's a baby growing inside who will soon be her playmate in the coming months. We also include her when we check the baby's heartbeat using the doppler every time so she can hear the heartbeat herself. 

RELATED: A Couple Meticulously Prepared Their Firstborn For A New Sibling. Did It Work?

Most times I think she is excited too, but maybe it's also sinking into her now that my refusal to carry her may mean fewer bonding times for us when baby #2 comes out. As a work-at-home mom since giving birth to her, she always sees me at home and my husband and I are still the ones who put her to down for a nap and to sleep every night. 

I remember a good mommy friend of mine told me this: After attending to your youngest's physical needs, you have to button up and fill up the emotional needs of your older kids. 

Worry #3: Will I ever be able to get back to my career?

Motherhood has a way of pausing a lot of things for you, or sometimes that is what it seems. I was getting ready to focus on a new career plan when we found out we were pregnant. 

Honestly, I was happy when I found out because I am already 35 years old so if I can't have baby #2 now, then when, right? But then, there's also a tug in my heart knowing that my career will have to be put on hold for a while. I had to transition my clients when I go on maternity leave. 

RELATED: Choosing to Work Won't Ruin Your Relationship With Your Child (Just Remember This)

So I was experiencing FOMO (fear of missing out) career-wise and wondered whether I will be able to get back to it after a year or so. But I also subscribe to this thought: what was meant for you will be there for you when the right time comes. 

And motherhood is what was meant for me for now, and parenting is never going to be lacking in experiences and richness because I know I will be learning a lot about myself and my kids along the way.

So my last question is: Am I truly ready for this?

I am not sure if someone will ever be ready for motherhood no matter how many times you have been a mom already, but maybe the key is to carry this question more with excitement than with fear. And with more confidence that although you may just be winging it 90% of the time, it's perfectly fine to learn as you go and that it's okay to make mistakes as you grow into being a mom all over again.

 

Joy Buena-Cabilla is a mom to a two year old, social media manager and writer, and wife to Dennis. They are expecting their second daughter in December.