Just Visiting: Do your Kids Behave Well in Other People’s Homes?

Have you ever visited a friend’s home with your child and balked at how he or she behaved there? Or, have you ever reprimanded your little one for getting into a fight with his playmates at a neighbor’s home? Realistically speaking, we know that our children will misbehave at one time or another (there are no perfect children after all), but we can take steps to ensure that they don’t do so often, especially when visiting other people’s homes.

We asked a few parents about what they do to make sure that their kids are on their “best behavior”, and this is what they had to say:

Anne Mercado, freelance writer, draws from her experience as a mom to five-year-old JL and says, “Kids should always be at their best behavior wherever they are — but keep in mind that ‘best’ is highly dependent on a particular situation.”

According to Anne, “if you take your kid to lunch at a friend's home with mostly adults, ‘best behavior’ is sitting as long as possible on a chair, or walking around the backyard, if this is safe and permitted by the homeowner.”

However, if there are other kids present, "best behavior" can mean they're allowed to run around with other children and play to their heart’s content.

Anne says that what's important to relay to a child is that every house has their own rules which needs to be followed. “And as long as they're in line with these and aren't overly rowdy, that's what ‘best behavior’ is,” she adds.

Christine Arteta, a work-at-home mom to Avienda, 6, says she always reminds her daughter to “sit properly” beside her whenever they visit other people’s homes. “If she is invited by other kids to play with them, I let her do so — as long as she does not touch anything in the house, not even the toys of other kids. She always has to ask permission if she wants to go look at another part of the house, and stay where I can still see her.”  

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Fulltime mom Pam Cadiz, who homeschools her kids (Paul, 8, and Samantha, 5) says that she always tells her kids to respect other people’s things, “especially their personal stuff,” whenever they are at friends’ or relatives’ homes. “I also remind them to always say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ and ‘po’ and ‘opo.’”

Joanne Antiquina, another fulltime homeschool mom, shares the same sentiments as Pam. She adds, “Pagmamano or asking for (their elders’) blessing is important.” Being helpful is another thing she teaches her kids — Joseph, 18; Pio, 9; and Claire, 11 months old — to do when visiting others.

In addition to the abovementioned points from our fellow parents, here are a few more reminders, gleaned from EmilyPost.com, the official website of The Emily Post Institute, a US-based institution known for promoting etiquette and civility in America and around the world:

1. Avoid “rudeness” triggers.
This applies especially to younger children. When we’re out with our kids and socializing at other people’s homes, let’s try to make sure that they are not hungry and are not tired. Otherwise, they may be more prone to being cranky, and thus, rude to others (perhaps without them meaning to be).

2. Greet others by name.
When our kids are old enough to understand, we should teach them to greet people by name — and to look them in the eye when doing so. For example, when visiting their grandparents’ home, have them say, “Hello po, Lolo (or Lola),” while looking at whoever it is they are greeting in the eye. Most Filipinos would also teach their kids to mano while doing so.

If you are visiting someone whom your child has never met before, or rarely sees, it may also be advisable to let him know who it is he is greeting. You can also show him pictures of the people who you’ll be visiting, if you have them, so that they can be better “prepared.”

3. Practice good table manners.
When eating a meal at a friend’s, neighbor’s or relative’s home with our kids, here are a few important reminders:
•    Before going out, our kids can practice their table manners around our own dining table — we can show them how to use their table utensils properly, how to pass food around the table (did you know that it’s supposed to be to the right?), and to converse courteously when needed.
•    If meals are extended ones, allow your children — if they are young — to be excused from the table. Always take note of children’s limited attention span. However, make sure you teach them how to excuse themselves properly, i.e. to say, “Excuse me, may I go now?” or “Thank you for the food, may I be excused?” (Younger kids can simply say, “Excuse me.”)

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4. Respect people’s privacy and not just their property.
Kids usually learn quickly that they should respect other people’s things. However, respecting other people’s privacy may be a bit challenging for them to do. As in other matters of childrearing, our own examples as parents are crucial when it comes to teaching this to our kids.

5. No interruptions, please.
This not only applies to situations outside the home but everywhere — all children must be taught not to interrupt, as a way of learning to respect other people’s rights. We must teach our kids to wait for a break in the conversation to say what they want to say.

As a mom to two young kids myself, I try to teach my kids to say, “Excuse me, may I say something?” or “Excuse me, may I talk to you?” if they want to say something while their father and I (or other people) are talking to each other. Although they still interrupt us (and others!) from time to time, we still do our best to be consistent in reminding them to wait and be given permission to speak when joining in a conversation.

6. Play fair and square.
When visiting others’ homes — or going anywhere where there may be other children, for that matter — we must remind our kids regarding playing fair. This is basically about good sportsmanship and respect for others. We can teach fair play (taking turns, practicing kindness and sharing are good things to practice) by modeling this behavior to our kids. Remember, our kids usually remember what they see us do and not what they hear us say.

On an end-note, Cindy Post Senning, Ed.D., a director of The Emily Post Institute and co-author of Emily’s Everyday Manners, plus other children’s books about manners, reminds parents that kids “learn about respect and consideration — how you show it and how others show it to you — at home from their parents. The behavior of celebrities, sports heroes, teachers, or even family and neighbors actually validates what they learn at home — both by commission and omission.”

Senning says that the main thing parents can do is “apply The Golden Rule of Parenting. Always be the kind of person you want your kids to be. So, if you want your kids to be respectful, considerate and honest, you have to be respectful, considerate and honest. And, then you may expect that behavior from your kids.”

Teaching manners comes hand in hand with trying to raise respectful children. Although there are tons of books and resources that can help parents to do so (including children’s books on manners), it can be quite challenging (I’m sure all of you can agree with me here)! But again, Cindy Senning reminds us: “…be patient — as they mature and take on manners as their own (not just because Mom says so) you will see the very behaviors you value emerge.”

Sources:
www.emilypost.com  
www.thegiftofgoodmanners.com

 

Photo by Jun Pinzon