'Palpak Ako': Overwhelmed Mom Finds Strength In Facebook Group

Parenting is hard as it is. Taking care of the kids, managing the household, plus meeting the demands of one’s career can be overwhelming. And this is what one member shared on the Smart Parenting Village Facebook group.

In a heartfelt post, a mother shared her overwhelming sense of failure as both a parent and an employee. Her raw and emotional insights resonated deeply within the community, sparking an outpouring of support, advice, and shared experiences from fellow parents.

Struggles of a working mom

The mom started her post by sharing the situation that greeted her when she came home from work. She found herself in a state of despair upon seeing her messy house and unwashed dishes.

“I lost it. Kakagaling ko lang ng work at 4 AM. Pag-uwi ko ng bahay, puno ng hugasan ang sink, walang pagkain, magulo ang sala, pagpasok ko ng kwarto, magulo din. Yung nine-year-old daughter ko, nag-iwan ng pinagkainan niya sa kwarto. Umupo ako. Pinaligo ko na siya para sa pagpasok niya.”

She then explains why she’s taking the situation hard on herself, writing, “Nag-isip-isip ako. Sa trabaho, palpak ako. Palpak ang reports ko. Hindi ko matapos ang targets ko, at kinakabahan ako sa calibration ko. Bakit ba ako andito? Hindi ako makakuha ng taga-bantay ng anak ko kaya nagpapalitan kaming mag-asawa sa pag-aalaga at pag-aasikaso sa kanya.”

She then expressed guilt and pity for herself and her daughter, “Naaawa ako sa anak ko. Gusto ko mag-spend ng mas mahabang time sa kanya. Gusto ko siyang ipagluto ng pagkain. Gusto kong mag-kwentuhan kami.”

Her emotions then came rushing out as she wrote, “Pero pagod ako. Inaantok ako. Malungkot ako. Wala akong kwenta sa trabaho. Kaya umiyak ako. Ilang linggo ko nang kinikimkim ito. Hindi ako lumuha. Ngumawa ako. Para nga akong asong umaatungal sa sakit. Kasi masakit. Halos 30 years old na ako pero gusto ko na may yumakap sa akin. Pero ayaw kong maging pabigat pa sa asawa ko.

“Gusto ko na lang mawala,” the anonymous mother then revealed. “Yung hindi sila [family] masasaktan… Basta gusto ko lang maglaho nalang ako kasi nagca-cause lang ako ng sakit.

“Ang bobo ko sa trabaho. Wala pa akong kwentang nanay. Hindi ko man lang natutulungan anak ko sa mga assignment. Anong karapatan kong magalit na hindi siya marunong maglinis ng pinag-kainan niya kung wala akong time na tutukan siya?”

The mother ends by admitting that she has no one to talk to and that’s why she decided to write the post on the parent group, “Sa totoo lang, hindi ko talaga alam bakit ko sinasabi ito sa social media. Hindi ko alam kanino ako magsasabi. Ito na yung buong katotohanan ng pinagdadaanan ko ngayon.”

Support and advice from other parents

The post resonated with the community and received an overwhelming response, with many parents sharing their own experiences and offering heartfelt advice. The community’s insights include:

Find strength in faith and resilience

One member reminded the mother of the importance of resilience and faith during tough times. She also advised the mother to keep pushing forward and trust that challenges are temporary.

“Lahat ng nanay dumadaan sa pagsubok, may work man o wala. Talagang minsan nakakapagod din pero kapag sumuko tayo maso-solusyonan ba ang problema? Kaya laban lang, mas marami pang mas mahirap ang buhay kaysa sa atin. Sabi nga ng iba, pagsubok lang lahat iyan, pray to God for strength and guidance,” emphasizing that giving up is not a solution and seeking strength through prayer is crucial. Challenges are a normal part of life, and overcoming them makes one stronger.

Reevaluate family roles

Another member shared their family’s strategy of balancing work and home life by having one parent focus solely on work while the other takes care of household duties and children. This arrangement, he said, provides more stability at home.

“Heto yung reason why me and my wife have this arrangement: Yung isa ang magwowork and focused sa trabaho while ang isa ay nakafocus sa bahay at kids. Walang pataasan ng ego sa amin ng wife ko. She has more opportunity to earn more so we’ve decided na siya ang magwowork and ako naman ang mag-aasikaso sa mga bata at bahay.”

He then highlights the importance of communication and mutual agreement to ensure that both career and family responsibilities are effectively managed, “Maybe it’s time na pag-usapan niyo ng husband mo kung paano ang magiging setup niyo. It’s not worth it na pareho nga kayong kumikita pero wala naman sa ayos ang tahanan at mga anak niyo.”

Recognizing one’s worth

Several comments encouraged the mother to take care of herself and recognize her worth. Burnout is a common issue for working parents, and self-compassion is vital.

“You are not a failure. Don’t ever think that way. Pahinga ka, burned out ka sa trabaho tapos nanay ka pa, nakaka-drain yun. You are strong and brave and worthy of love kaya nga kinakaya mo, hindi ba. When it’s too heavy, surrender mo lang lahat sa dasal at tama yung ginawa mo, humagulgol ka kung kailangan. Lilipas din ang sakit,” emphasizing that taking breaks and resting are essential to maintain both physical and mental health.

What’s important is being present

“Hugs mommy,” another comment reads. “Hindi kailangan ng mga anak natin ng perfect parents, but present and happy parents. Always seek His guidance and comfort,” which is a powerful advice to focus on being present and happy rather than perfect. Children value the presence and happiness of their parents more than perfection. This encourages parents to let go of the pressure to be perfect and instead prioritize quality time and emotional availability for their children.

Seek support and share responsibilities

Another member highlighted the importance of seeking help from husbands, partners, and possibly other family members. Open communication and shared responsibilities can alleviate some of the burdens.

“Please share mo yan kay husband. Kailangan mo ng strong support system, ng moral support. Hanap ka ng taong mapagsasabihan at maiiyakan para gumaan ang pakiramdam mo. Hindi ka failure, yung mga ganyan na pagkakataon sa buhay natin, phase lang iyan. Lilipas din, pero pwede natin magamit para mas ma-motivate pa tayo.”

“You are not alone, mommy,” another parent wrote. “Talk it out with your husband. If you have parents, try to ask for help until you’re okay. Iyak mo lang, then bangon at laban ulit,” emphasizing that sharing the load and expressing one’s needs can lead to a less stressful situation.

Involve children in chores

Involving children in household chores can teach them responsibility and help reduce parents’ workload. It also creates opportunities for bonding. One parent wrote how the mom can start this, saying, “Pagdating mo ng bahay, subukan mong makipag-kwentuhan muna sa anak mo. Kung kamusta araw niya. Then pahinga konti, then start maghugas ng pinggan. Medyo malaki na anak mo at kaya na niya maghugas ng pinggan, gawin niyo together sa simula.

“Involve niyo na po siya sa paggawa ng household chores para little by little, matutunan niya. Hindi naman agad agad, pero at least magkaroon na din siya ng kaalaman at initiative,” thereby highlighting the importance of teamwork within the family, which could also help children develop a sense of responsibility and independence.

Take time to recharge

Other parents advised on the importance of recharging via short naps or quiet moments, which can significantly improve a parent’s mood and energy levels. One parent said, “Idlip pag umuuwi, para siyang recharge. Kasi ang pagod na utak, mas mabilis uminit ang ulo. Also kung wala kang masabihan, pwede kang mag-diary.”

Napping or journaling can help parents manage stress and better process their thoughts and emotions, which can then lead to a more balanced state.

Focus on the positive

One comment encouraged parents to maintain a positive outlook and pointed out that cherishing happy family moments can also provide emotional strength. Children see their parents as their heroes, which is a powerful motivator.

“Be kind to yourself, mommy,” the comment read. “Marami tayong papel na ginagampanan kapag nanay na tayo. Yung anak mo, ang tingin sa iyo, you’re the best mom. Kahit ano pa ang tingin natin sa sarili natin, pero sa mga anak natin, we are the best… Always think of happy and positive times with your family.” Remembering the love and admiration from their children can help parents push through difficult times.

Aside from highlighting the immense pressure and guilt most parents feel, the post also showcased the power of community support. By sharing their struggles and offering advice, members of the Smart Parenting Village provided a lifeline to a mother in need, reminding her that she is not alone and that her feelings are valid.

Read here for tips from a psychologist on how new moms can take care of their mental health.