Raising Good Boys: The 5 Values you Need to Teach your Son

It’s a challenge to raise good kids in today’s very tumultuous world. There are various influences that are difficult to control and contain, making it even more challenging for moms to raise good boys who are respectful, confident and loving. What values should moms teach their sons? How can moms help their sons grow up into a man that exudes these values?  

1. The value of empathy
Society tends to emphasize the belief that men should be brave, aggressive and strong. They should always be winners, conquerors of the world. This belief exacerbates the difficulty in getting men to show emotions that do not fit into this mold. As a consequence, they sometimes tend to suppress their feelings, projecting the strong and silent image. But it’s important for them to learn how to deal with all kinds of emotions so that they are able to empathize with others and relate well with people.  

How do you teach empathy? Get your son to learn how to express his feelings. Boys generally are not huge talkers especially when they hit the teen years. Ask a girl how her day went and she bursts into a story, but ask a boy the same question and you’ll often get the standard reply, “It was fine.” Start teaching them how to communicate honestly while they are young. Ask specific questions so that your son will learn to open up. You may need to be creative to get them to communicate.

Find out what your son’s interests are and get involved. Talk about the books he likes or the shows he’s interested in. Get him to share his thoughts and feelings about his favorites. Ask him “what if” questions and see how he responds. It’s through listening and observing that you can find out more about your son and be able to steer him into becoming a more empathic person, someone who is understanding, kind and truly cares about other people.  

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2. The value of respect
Raising your son to be someone who respects others is a challenge nowadays when he is exposed to foul language on television, violence in video games and shows that depict reckless characters. Start by providing rules and enforcing them. This shows them that the first step towards respect is being responsible and following rules that help mold good behavior and values.

It’s also important not to embarrass your son or hurt their feelings especially in front of other people, including their siblings.  This will belittle your attempt at instilling respect.    

Try this out, too: whenever you encounter people who are disrespectful, point out the wrong behavior to your son. Explain to him that it’s not right to cut in line, it’s not good to talk back and it’s not nice to gossip. Make sure though that you walk the talk - don’t be disrespectful, either. Find good role models for him so that he can learn by concrete examples on how to be respectful.  

3. The value of independence
Try teaching your son to be independent early by assigning him some easy chores. It will not only teach him some practical skills; it will also allow him the privilege of helping out so he will learn that boys can also do "girl" tasks. Banish the gender-type roles in the family.

Don't allow him to always rely on "yaya" or the helper to cater to his every whim. You don't want him to grow up not knowing how to make his own sandwich, do you? Start teaching independence by loosening the apron strings and allowing him to accomplish things on his own. Perhaps he wants to try climbing the tree in your backyard? Suggest a low branch and teach him how to hold firmly and find notches for his feet to climb on. But don't say no. Your toddler might want to try dressing up on his own but you cringe at the thought of how much time it will take for him to do it. Don't say no. We often tend to discourage them in their quest for independence because of the inconvenience it will cause us or because of our worrisome attitude, but letting go more often will help.  

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4. The value of confidence  
Many parents think that heaping praises on their son will produce confidence and self-esteem. Praising is a great tool to motivate but praising too much and too often will result to either of these two scenarios: a boy who will think that he is always right, or someone who will always be unsure of himself without approval from other people. Praise his efforts in a specific manner. It will give him insights on what his true strengths are. Encourage him so he’ll gain confidence in doing difficult tasks.  

How do you help your son develop confidence? One way is to get him involved in something he is clearly interested in. He will be motivated to do well if he does activities he likes. Get him also to try a variety of activities so he can learn what he likes and dislikes, where he is talented in and what he eventually wants to pursue. Perhaps he will enjoy soccer over basketball or want to take guitar lessons instead of learning to play the piano. Get him into reading books as books can widen one's horizons. Don’t utter the phrase “boys will be boys” because it undervalues their abilities and limits their horizon in exploring what they are capable of doing. Be affectionate and show them your encouragement and love. Have your son grow up knowing that you believe in them and their unique abilities.

5. The value of being prayerful
Wouldn’t you like to raise a son who has an unwavering faith in God? Start by praying together as a family. Try asking your son to lead some of the prayers and say it in his own words. Make it a daily habit and your son will grow up to be a prayerful person.  
You can also strengthen his belief in a Higher Being by reading bible stories together so that your son can learn more about God and the values He teaches. Share your own stories too. Tell him how your faith helped you in your own life. Raising a son who is able to integrate faith in all that he does will help him face the challenges that come his way and guide him in choosing the right thing to do.  
 
Photo by Jun Pinzon