A SAHM Wishes She Doesn't Have to Hear 'Nasa Bahay Ka na LANG Pala'

I would be lying if I say that there were no times when I felt like my life was “put on hold” for being at home all the time with my kids. I tell myself, “Isn’t this what you wanted for the longest time? You don’t want to miss again on your kid’s formative years, right?”

My typical day generally goes like this (in no particular order): breastfeed, cook, get Ate ready for school, breastfeed, wash that little stinky bottom after he poops, give my baby a bath, breastfeed, clean up the mess the little boy happily makes when he eats, breastfeed — the whole nine yards.

Yes, there are days when I am at my wit's end like when one kid has been putting off what you told her to do and would only move her butt when you already transformed into a mom-ster. All the time that negotiation is going on, you have the other kid yelling “Mom!” for the one-millionth time. Why? He wants to show you the same thing over and over, and you say, “Wow!” like it’s your first time seeing it.

Some days are great, and some days, well, it all just gets too much that I just want to sit in the bathtub and drink wine. But then, I remember that we don’t have a bathtub or even a bottle of wine.

Sometimes (most especially when you're PMS-ing a.k.a emo days), I can’t help but feel like I’m not doing anything productive with my life. Will there be anything for me after this phase? Where is my life going?

To be completely honest, it’s disappointing to hear people who I bump into casually comment the following when they learn that I don’t have my previous job anymore. 

“Ah, nasa bahay ka na LANG pala.” 

“Nag-aalaga ka na LANG pala ng mga anak.” 

“Ang sarap naman, hindi ka na nagwo-work!” 

This was the worst: “Ah, ‘chemist’ ka na pala ngayon... Chemister (kay mister) naka-asa.” 

When this certain guy cracked that so-called witty joke, I cried a little deep inside, but I was sheepishly smiling on the outside.

I ask myself, “Is my definition of productive only limited to having an office job that pays me every month?”

I know these are just natural reactions or offhand comments made without the intention of being offensive. But admit it, now that you’ve read it, it sounds kind of disparaging because of the use of the word ‘lang,’ right?

To others, a photo of a toddler playing may look like just an ordinary moment. But to a mom who used to be shackled by the working hours of the corporate world, THIS MOMENT IS GOLD. The opportunity to BE PRESENT at this moment compensates for all the things I missed out on when I had an office job.

Motherhood is truly a tough job that is done for free, and its wholeness can only be understood and appreciated by those who genuinely care. It is non-stop work because we mother even in our sleep! (Read: popping out one boob to comfort-feed in the middle of the night!) We do not receive a fat paycheck for the work that we render 24/7, but instead, we’re rewarded with sweet kisses and genuine hugs. Oh, what a warm and fuzzy feeling!

Anyway, I guess it’s normal to feel ‘bleh’ once in a while, especially when I look in the mirror and see that my younger, more put together self is kind of fading away despite efforts of self-care (because of aging and gravity).

I just have to remind myself that this is important work constantly — together with my husband, I am raising little humans. The things we teach our kids will be part of their core for the rest of their lives. I may not be required to look dolled up and smell like sweet nectar all the time to go about my day, but still, I am getting things done. 

I’m sure any mother will choose — without batting an eyelash — to be a present and hands-on kind of mom. But, like everything else, being a SAHM has its pros and cons. It’s just that the pros of this role outweigh all the cons by miles and miles. There’s nothing like being by my son’s side witnessing firsthand all of his SMILEstones, or just making sure that Ate eats and drinks enough during lunch break and that she’s tidied up again when she goes back to school. Very simple things, I know, but these are priceless — and fleeting, too.

Michi Esguerra-Roxas is a 35-year-old stay-at-home mom for three years now. She and husband Neil, a banker, have two kids, Yciar Simone, 8, and Saige Mikhail, 2. They are based in Pulilan, Bulacan. After working as a banker for 11 years and a part-time virtual proxy research analyst for three years, she now runs a small online business of handmade hair bows and ribbon sculptures.