Magulang O Internet Ang Magtuturo Ng Sex Sa Anak? Expert Says Sex Ed Starts At 2

Smart Parenting Guide on Sex Education seeks to empower parents in raising informed tweens and teens who understand their body and their rights with the goal of protecting them from all kinds of sexual abuse. Smart Parenting resident sex education expert, Dr. Rica Cruz is a US-board certified sexologist, a sex and relationships therapist. Together with tween daughter Caia Miella, Dr. Rica, navigates the realities of sex in the eyes of today's teens and tweens and aims to foster honest and healthy conversations between parent and child. 

As a sex and relationships therapist and sex educator, parents most often ask me, Dr.Rica, when they should teach their kids about sex. And I always answer with this: sex education starts when education starts, which basically means, as soon as possible! 

It’s not surprising though that most parents would shy away from teaching their kids about sex. We had no model on it and we didn’t experience it growing up. 

Thus, they always follow-up with, how? How and when do we teach children about sex?

Uncomfortable? It's a parent's job

Caia’s Answer:

I think that children should be taught about sex at at an early age because from what I remember, I have known sex education almost my whole life. 

I suggest that parents talk to their kids about sex at around three to five years old. I believe that teaching kids at an early age can help with general knowledge of it when they get older.

How I learned: As early as 4 years old

I remember Mama talked to me about sex when I was around 4 or 5 years old because she was going to report in class and she made me listen to her. That’s when I learned about the word “sex.” 

Then I learned about different parts of my body from her. I also started becoming curious because I saw that her body was different from mine, so I started asking her about it. 

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I also remember asking her about how eggs were made and how babies come from eggs. That’s when she told me about the sperm and how they look like tadpoles and how they swim through the vagina and meet the egg. 

I also remember talking to her about sperm donors because I heard it from a movie we were watching. She told me that for some people they get sperm donors to have a baby, and that’s okay. 

Please don’t ask me what movie it was, I can’t remember the movie!

Learning about the sexes, male and female

Aside from sperm and eggs, I also remember asking Mama about why blue is made for boys and pink for girls. I think she had a hard time answering it during that time. Hehe. 

But she told me about gender norms and how it’s better if we see beyond these norms and not say that blue is just for boys or pink is just for girls. I think that’s when I learned that I can wear any color that I want and it’s not a big deal. 

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I remember when I was in Grade 1, I wore a blue and green wig to school because I wanted to and I was not ashamed of it. 

‘I think parents should be the ones to teach’

Speaking of school, I also think that parents should be the ones to teach sex education to their children because there was little to none sex education in school. There were sometimes jokes from classmates about words from a dictionary. 

I remember one of the jokes was a classmate looking at the dictionary and laughing at the word penis. And for me it’s not funny. But they were all laughing! 

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Another thing in school that I remember is that people were pronouncing “sex” in letters as in “s-e-x”. It shows how it is kind of a forbidden word at school. 

When Mama heard me pronouncing sex like that “s-e-x” she told me that it’s pronounced “sex” and if my classmates tell me that it’s a bad word, I just tell them that it’s not bad. It’s just sex. 

Mama also told me to ask help from my teachers if ever I get bullied for that. Thankfully, no one bullied me because I think they know that my mom is a sex therapist. 

READ DR. RICA AND CAIA'S FIRST COLUMN HERE: I Caught My Child Googling Sex Phrases Because Of Online Games! What Should I Do?

Would you like the Internet to teach your kids about sex? In my experience, I had sex education at home where sex is something normal but in school it was considered funny or a joke.

An advice I’d give the parents here is: I’d want for parents to talk about sex casually. Why? Because it isn’t as big of a thing for me. 

Sex is just another topic, it’s a part of life, it shouldn’t be a big deal. 

For me, how I learned sex ed was through many small conversations from questions I asked when I was younger. I think your children will ask too. 

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It is best that you answer them when they do. I think that it’s better that they ask you than they ask other people or friends, or worse the internet!

When people have knowledge of sex education, as they grow older and go through life, I believe they could make more informed decisions protecting them from some harm. 

Learning sex education at a young age made me able to tell my mom more personal things, like crushes, my sexuality, etc. 

In conclusion, learning sex education at a young age has many benefits in life, it also makes me less shy/embarrassed on talking about sex. As I said before, sex is just sex, and sex is something that can happen in life.

Teach kids about body parts before they can talk

Rica’s Answer: 

Let me start with the basics. The practice of teaching kids about sex should start even before they can talk. 

This can be integrated through teaching kids about their basic body parts—“vulva, penis, vagina, butt, nipples, clitoris”— are words that kids should learn alongside their learning of the song, “head, shoulders, knees, and toes.” 

Treat these words as you would treat any other word and please do not sugarcoat and replace them with words like “flower,” “hotdog,” “junjun,” etc. Using these words is not only dangerous for the kids as they may not be able to explain properly if they are feeling discomfort or injuries on these parts, but it also reinforces the stigma behind sex. 

When you see your toddlers touching their genitals, do not panic! It’s perfectly normal! Be gentle with them and use it as an opportunity to teach them about understanding and exploring their bodies privately. 

Tell them that it’s okay to touch, as long as they don’t do it in front of other people because that could be disrespectful. Be careful that you do not shame them for touching themselves. Again, this is perfectly normal. 

Teach boundaries at around 2 years old

Believe it or not, boundaries need to be taught as early as two years old! By this time, they should learn about what is and is not appropriate when it comes to touching other people and being touched by other people. 

It is important that you teach them how to ask before touching others, by doing so yourselves. For example, when washing their genitals, you can ask first by describing what you need to do, “We need to wash your butt because you pooped, is it okay if I touch it?” 

More often than not, they will allow you to wash them, but, if they say no, then you have to respect it and give them time. Alternatively, you can use their own hands to wash, so it’s them touching themselves. You can say, “OK, do you want me to teach you how to do it?” And take their cue from there.

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Demonstrating that they have authorities over their own bodies could also help keep them safe. Discuss with them that others should never ask or try to touch their bodies, especially their genitals and how it’s inappropriate to touch other children’s genitals and private parts, even when they’re playing “doctor.”

Tell them that their genitals are very special parts that should not be touched by others.

Aside from these, asserting your own boundaries can help children understand the concept of consent better. For example, if your toddler wants to touch your breasts but you’re not comfortable with it, learn how to say no and gently explain to them the reason behind your discomfort.

Modeling consent helps toddlers learn it instinctively.

When they ask where they came from, tell them

Children are very inquisitive. Hence, at this age, they may begin to ask where they came from or how babies are made. How do you answer that? By telling them that there are different ways to make a baby! 

At this time, you may want to tell them that babies come from two adults getting their bodies together to share the sperm and the egg to make a baby. You may also want to tell them that there are times that the sperm and the egg may come from other people and that there are other ways where they can meet. 

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Don’t be afraid to answer their questions. Take the cue from them on how detailed they want the explanation to be. You don’t have to be too graphic about it, but you should also never lie about it. 

I believe that it’s about time that we put the stork narrative to rest. You can start with your child’s own conception so it’s more personal and tailor fit specific to your family’s situation. 

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Don’t fret that you won’t know what to answer if they ask you specific questions. You can always tell your child the truth that you don’t know the answer, and tell them that you will find out for the both of you. 

There are great books and resources that you can buy to read to your child. Books like Ako Ay May KiKi and Ako Ay May Titi, help in teaching your kids about their bodies. 

Amaze.org has videos that you can watch with your child so that you can also learn with them! You owe it to yourself and your child to get yourself the sex education you never had.