#SPConfessions: Pinili Ko Ang Pamilya Noon, Pwede Bang Ako Naman Ngayon?

This story is based on a true #SPConfessions sent to us at Smart Parenting Village. Some details have been slightly altered to protect the sender's identity.

I’m at the point in my life na gusto kong habulin yung mga achievements na dapat sana ay meron ako ngayon.

I’m a 40-year-old mom with three kids (ages 20, 15, and 10). Stay-at-home mom ako for 15 years, but with occasional side hustles pero never talaga akong nakabalik sa full-time sa work. My husband is an ex-OFW and currently works here as a software engineer. Life is good. My husband provides all my needs and sometimes even my wants, pero hindi kami mayaman. I can say, sapat lang para mamuhay kami nang maayos.

My kids are doing well at school. Mga honor students sila. So yes, ito na siguro ang mga achievements ko, aside from having a harmonious relationship with my husband. I know life is good, at aware ako na hindi lahat ay may kung ano ang meron kami. Thankful ako sa buhay na nabuo namin ng husband ko, kahit nagsimula kami sa wala.

But being an achiever myself, nakukulangan ako sa itinakbo ng buhay ko so far. Hindi dahil kinukumpara ko ang buhay ko sa iba, kundi dahil ang point of comparison ko ay ang sarili ko. I know I could’ve achieved more in life, pero mas pinili kong maging housewife.

I don’t know if this is regret from that decision pero ang lungkot ko. Midlife crisis ba ang tawag dito? Mali ba ang mag-isip ako ng ganito?

One piece of advice mothers typically hear is: “When in doubt, always choose your family.”

Do I go back to work after maternity leave? Take care of the baby first, especially if your partner can provide for the family. You can go back to your career later.

Do I accept this job offer even if it means less time for the family since it’s onsite? You can find better opportunities later that offer better work-life balance and suit your family more.

Parents often have no qualms about choosing their families first, prioritizing their kids’ needs over everything else. But once kids grow older and become more independent, it’s also normal for parents to want to accomplish more for themselves—to chase the dreams they put on hold for their families.

This is exactly what an anonymous parent on the Smart Parenting Village is going through. In her post, she shared that she has been a stay-at-home mom for 15 years and has raised three children. She has a good relationship with her husband and admits they live a “good life.” And yet, she finds herself thinking, “Gusto kong habulin yung mga achievements na dapat sana ay meron ako ngayon.” She ended her post with the question, “Mali ba ang mag-isip ako ng ganito?”

What followed were messages of validation and insight from other parents who have felt the same—and decided to do something for themselves:

“It’s not too late to chase your dreams, momsh,” one anonymous commenter said.” I envy your life for raising three successful kids,” wrote another, acknowledging the mom’s hard work.

Another anonymous parent, who shared that she is also almost 40 years old, chose to become a full-time mom to her newborn baby (and a 6-year-old) after working for 17 years, wrote, “I just want to experience being a SAHM for now, cherish the moment, rest and then reset. My plan is to enroll in an MBA next school year, upskill, and go back to work in four to five years, in time for when my youngest goes to school.”

She added, “I just want to say na i-try niyo mag-apply since malaki na ang mga anak niyo. In my opinion, iba ang self-fulfilment na mararamdaman natin if we have something ‘accomplished’ in terms of work,” further validating the mother’s feelings.

Another commenter shared, “What you’re feeling is valid and not wrong. The sadness you’re experiencing is not regret, but a sign that you’re ready to reconnect with yourself beyond the role you chose for your family. You built a meaningful life and raised your children well—those are real achievements. Wanting more now doesn’t erase that; it simply means you’re entering a new chapter where it’s okay to dream for yourself again.”

Many moms echoed the same sentiment and shared how they learned to marry their mom self with their achiever self. One wrote, “I’m reading your post now while reviewing for my exam this year (my third license, hopefully). Dreams were put on hold as I prioritized my kid’s welfare. But here I am now, almost the same age as you, still chasing the stars. Do not stop. Life is short. I just hired a yaya but I make sure I’m still a present mom. In the past years, I was at home—a wife, and a mom. This year onwards, I will be all of it: wife, mom, career achiever, and everything in between. I don’t want to grow old and die with what ifs. It’s not too late. We all have our own timeline.”

Another mom shared, “I feel you. Stay-at-home mom for 18 years with two kids. At 40, I went back to school. Sabay kami ng anak ko mag-college and sabay kami ga-graduate this year. It’s never too late to chase your dreams. Walang expiry date ang pangarap.”

Another mom, Jasmine Mendoza, reflected on why the post resonated with so many, writing: “Reading this brought me back to conversations I once had with my own mom. Back then, I didn’t fully understand it. Now that I’m a mom myself, I do. I’m realizing this feeling isn’t just yours, it’s something many moms quietly carry. You can love the life you built and still grieve the parts of yourself that were set aside. That doesn’t make you ungrateful; it makes you human. And I want to say this too: the years you gave—being present, choosing home, raising your kids—carry a weight that doesn’t come with certificates or titles, but has a deep and lasting impact. Even if it isn’t fully seen now, it matters more than you know.”

Crissy Rollan, HR and Talent Consultant, Executive Coach, and founder of Qubel Recruitment, thinks that the quiet sadness many stay-at-home moms feel when their children grow older isn’t something that should be quickly reassured away.

“As I read the story, I felt the urge to pause and sit longer with the mother’s sadness,” Crissy shares. “Not to immediately reassure it, but to understand where it was really coming from.”

She notes that much of the advice often given to moms in this season—it’s not too late, your dreams still matter, raising children is already an achievement—is kind and true. But she believes that validation alone isn’t what many women are actually struggling with.

“I don’t think what many women in this season are wrestling with is a lack of validation,” she says. “What they are wrestling with is identity.”

Crissy explains that when a woman chooses to become a full-time mom, she doesn’t lose herself. “She makes a clear, often deeply considered decision to step into a role with intention and conviction,” she says. “For many years, that role becomes her primary source of meaning and contribution. And she stands by it because, at that time, it is the right decision.”

But when children grow older and need their mothers differently, new questions naturally surface.

“The sadness isn’t about what could have been,” Crissy clarifies. “It’s about asking, sometimes quietly and with guilt, ‘Is the role that once defined me still enough for who I am now?’”

She is careful to emphasize what this moment isn’t.

“This isn’t regret. It isn’t a midlife crisis. And it certainly isn’t a rejection of motherhood,” she says. “It’s a natural reckoning that happens when a role that once required everything no longer does.”

While raising children remains deeply meaningful work, Crissy points out that when any single role, even a beautiful one, becomes the sole anchor of identity, it’s understandable to feel unsettled as life begins to shift.

She also reminds mothers that the strength they once used to choose their family is still very much intact.

“The same woman who chose to become a stay-at-home mom with conviction is the same woman who is capable of choosing again,” she says. “That ability to decide, commit, and build is not something she lost. It is her strength.”

Crissy points out that perhaps the conversation, then, isn’t about reminding moms that “walang expiry date ang pangarap.” It’s also “how women are allowed to redefine success and fulfillment as their seasons change, without guilt or self-judgment.”

“Wanting more doesn’t mean you didn’t choose your family well,” Crissy says. “Often, it simply means you trusted yourself then, and you are learning to trust yourself again now.”

Read the SP Confessions of a stay-at-home who said, "Ayaw ko na."