#SPConfessions: 'Stay-At-Home Mom for 7 Years, at Ayoko Na!'

Ang kwentong ito ay hango sa isang tunay na #SPConfessions na ipinadala sa amin sa Smart Parenting Village. Ang ilang mga detalye ay bahagya naming binago upang bigyang proteksyon ang nagpadala nito.

"Hi, Smart Parenting Village. I’m a mom of two kids, ages six and two. Noong six months pregnant ako with my first child, nag-stop na ako mag-work dahil kinailangan kong mag-bed rest. Until now, ang focus ko ay pag-aalaga ng kids.

Valid ba na maramdaman ko na ayoko na? Nararamdaman ko na parang mareklamo ako kasi nararamdaman ko na 'yung pagod mag-alaga, pakiramdam ko nakulong na ako sa pag-aalaga ng mga kids. Hindi ako masyadong umaalis with my friends o nagkakaroon ng me time dahil clingy 'yung bunso ko. Kung makakaalis man ako, hindi rin ako mapakali kasi inaalala ko 'yung husband ko na nag-aalaga sa mga bata. Although gusto naman ni husband talaga na nakakalabas ako kasi need ko din daw 'yun.

Nagi-guilty ako kapag iniiwan ko sila, tapos pagkauwi ko, kapag nahirapan na naman ako kay bunso, nagiging OA na ako mag-isip. Gusto kasi niya lagi nakabuhat, sa madaling araw gigising kasi gusto magpahele hanggang sa ayaw na niya magpababa. 17 kilos na siya. Every time na aalis ako, nararamdaman niya, tapos walang tigil na siya sa iyak. Naiisip ko madalas na nakakulong nalang ako sa bahay hanggang mag 4-5 years old na ang mga anak ko.

'Hindi na nagwowork sa akin 'yung salitang “Sulitin mo na 'yung panahon na ganyan sila, hindi habang buhay bata sila.” Kasi sa totoo lang, ayoko na.'

Nakakaiyak, sumusuko na ako, pagod na ako. Pero naiisip ko, parang hindi naman valid na ganito maramdaman ko kasi ang focus ko lang now is pag-aalaga? Hindi na nagwowork sa akin 'yung salitang 'Sulitin mo na 'yung panahon na ganyan sila, hindi habang buhay bata sila.' Kasi sa totoo lang, ayoko na. Pero wala lang akong choice. Every day, nilalaban ko at tina-try na habaan ang pasensya ko, sinasabi ko sa sarili ko na kaya ko ‘to. Hindi ko na alam if nagwowork pa 'yung ganun.

Ano pa kayang ibang way para malampasan ko itong ganito? Meron ba sa inyo na same sa akin na may anak na two years old na gusto lagi nakabuhat at ayaw magpababa? Gusto natutulog lang sa balikat mo? Paano i-handle 'yung ganito, maliban sa kailangan nalang tanggapin?"

Parents share advice to a tired stay-at-home mom (SAHM)

In the comments section, moms didn't just offer advice, they also empathized with the SAHM. While it's easy to say "hire a helper, get a job, and spend time with yourself," some moms offered more than these.

An anonymous member shared, "Grabe, ramdam na ramdam kita. Hindi lang valid ang nararamdaman mo, totoong mabigat siya, at hindi ibig sabihin na mahina ka o mareklamo ka. Honestly, you sound like a strong, faithful woman who's just exhausted, longing for meaning beyond the daily grind, and wrestling with the invisible sacrifice of motherhood. And that's so human, real, and worthy of acknowledgment."

'Kahit nakakasawa na, this is not forever. Your joy matters. Hindi selfish na magpahinga, at hindi failure ang mapagod.'

She then went on to say, "Hindi selfish ang maghanap ng meaning outside ng 'alaga.' Ang pagkatao mo ay hindi lang 'nanay ni bunso.' Ikaw ay isang buong tao. At kung nararamdaman mong para kang 'nakakulong,' baka hindi mo kailangang tumakas, kundi kailangan mong palitan ang hangin."

The mom advises taking at least 10 minutes for herself: journaling, listening to a podcast while doing chores, studying a new topic, ot anything outside of motherhood. She also offered a practical tip for clingy toddlers.

"Try gradual detachment, sit beside your child while playing then dahan-dahan ka lilipat ng lugar, weaning her in as toddler carrier para less strain sa katawan mo, and using signal words like, 'Mama will be back after five songs,' then stick to it. Kahit nakakasawa na, this is not forever. Your joy matters. Hindi selfish na magpahinga, at hindi failure ang mapagod."

'Hindi ko din kinaya na umiikot lang ang mundo ko sa anak ko so what I did was to study and look for a job opportunity online as a freelancer.'

Another mom agreed and emphasized the need for another outlet aside from being a mother. She shared, "Hindi ko din kinaya na umiikot lang ang mundo ko sa anak ko so what I did was to study and look for a job opportunity online as a freelancer. My daughter, who is now six years old, tells me, 'I like you more now, Mama. You seem happier.'

She added, "Nag-iba mood ko when I was able to go back again ng kasama sila sa plano. Nanay ako, pero hindi nanay lang. Thankfully, sa lahat ng phases ko, sinuportahan ako ng asawa ko." The mom also suggested the SAHM to communicate her plans with her husband. "Mag-aaral ka ba? Magtatrabaho? Delegate some tasks at home and dapat pareho kayong may time sa childcare if ever or kumuha kayo ng helper. In that way, makikita mo nang unti-unti magbabalik sarili mo."

'Use their love language so they can learn how to do things on their own, so they will eventually become more independent.'

Another mom who has been a SAHM for 17 years shared that they hired a helper when her kids were younger, until they decided they no longer needed one when they were five and four. "Sobrang nakakapagod pero all worth it naman. Set your mind sa kalalabasan ng mga bata kapag nagabayan sila ng tama ng mga magulang." She also suggested enrolling her toddler in a playschool and taking a rest.

A mom offered solutions to the SAHM, including understanding her child's love language. "Saan siya madaling mapasunod? "Use their love language so they can learn how to do things on their own, so they will eventually become more independent." She added that establishing a routine might help. "Find a way na mag-wo-work for you and your kids." 

'Do breathing exercises, get sunlight, run, walk, and limit screentime. God knows, we are trying everything.'

Finally, a mom shared that the SAHM's post made her realize she is not alone. "Yung akala mo nag-iisa ka, then you read the comments, and ang dami niyo pala!" She mentioned that when she had a similar experience as the SAHM, she even sought professional help, attended trainings, and joined various Facebook groups.

She then advised, "When you have the budget, hire a stay-out helper or enroll your child in a playschool. Set monthly me-time dates with yourself or read books." The mom added, "Pag walang budget? Do breathing exercises, get sunlight, run, and walk, and limit screen time. Join any spiritual community and watch funny content." She concluded, "God knows, we are trying everything. Virtual hugs to all moms."

Mayroon ka bang sarili mong #SPConfessions na nais ibahagi sa amin? Ipadala lang kay Sara Palma sa Smart Parenting Village o hindi kaya ay i-email sa amin sa smartparentingsubmissions@gmail.com.

*Quotes have been edited for clarity.