Why This UP Graduate Said, 'Sana Hindi Niyo Na Lang Ako Pinanganak,' Is A Wake-Up Call For Future Parents

During graduation season, it is common to read appreciation posts of students on social media to their parents who worked tirelessly to provide for their needs.

However, a 22-year-old scholar from Lubao, Pampanga, who finished his college education at the University of the Philippines Los Baños, shared an unconventional post, which started with these seven disturbing words that no parent would want to hear from their children: "Sana hindi niyo na lang ako pinanganak."

Jaynard Tiangco Ronquillo allowed Smart Parenting to share his post, which has over 99k reactions and 39k shares as of writing, "I choose to unveil the other side of the story too," he explained.

He told Smart Parenting that he didn't expect his post to go viral, "Madalas naming topic ng mga friends ko 'yung generational trauma, kaya sinabi ko sa sarili ko na i-a-address ko po yun sa graduation post ko."

In it, Jaynard's message was loud and clear: his journey growing up in poverty is the reality for a lot of Filipinos, and he hopes that it may serve as a reminder for adults not to take parenthood lightly and be responsible enough to consider several factors before starting a family.

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UP graduate shares struggles living in poverty

Growing up

Jaynard graduated Bachelor of Science in Chemical Engineering in UPLB this year. In his post, he gave a context on what kind of student he was growing up.

"Panganay na lumaki sa hirap at sa angkang walang college graduate. Isang consistent honor student simula elementary na suki ng mga contests gaya ng essay writing, quiz bees, journalism, MTAP at iba pa. May tatay na naging tricycle driver, family driver, business driver, at suma-sideline sa pagkumpuni ng mga sirang electric fans. At may nanay na naging kasambahay, mananahi, barangay health worker, at tagahugas ng mga pinggan sa isang catering service. I used to be that bright, hopeful, and optimistic kid who had the goal of saving the whole family from poverty. I used to think it was easy."

However, Jaynard started to question the circumstances he found himself in, "Bakit sila may ganito pero tayo ay wala? Bakit sila may pambili pero tayo ay wala? Bakit yung almusal ng kaklase ko marami, pero kami ng kapatid ko wala o kaya naman ay kailangang maghati sa iisang itlog? (Ibobombastic side eye ko pa yung kapatid ko ‘pag kinuha niya yung mas marami ang yellow part)."

He continued, "At an early age, I realized, life really is unfair. May mga batang tulad ko na subsob sa pag-aaral at tila ba ‘di alintana ang kumakalam na sikmura dahil wala namang choice."

"I couldn't help but wish for a reality where my parents both had the chance to flourish, to pursue their passions wholeheartedly. Maybe in that world, I wouldn't even exist, but I found myself contemplating if that might have been better for everyone involved." —Jaynard Tiangco Ronquillo

"The usual response from an optimistic Filipino like my parents is, 'Don't compare your life to others.' O kaya naman ay 'Pasalamat ka na lang may nakakain ka, yung iba nga diyan wala.' Don’t get me wrong, but I think comparing your life to others is valid as long as you’re doing it to identify your needs. Also, we shouldn’t always use the misfortunes of other people to make us or others feel like the problem we are experiencing isn’t really so hard. It’s a hard pill to swallow, but I realized that some of the coping mechanisms of Filipino people are rooted in toxic positivity."

The first time

Jaynard added that he didn't have role models or someone to look up to in their family, "I grew up having people I didn’t want to be like and seeing situations I’d never want to be in."

He recalled moments in his childhood when his mom would ask him to buy something in a sari-sari store, and it would take him a while since he was embarrassed that it will just be added to the long list of his mom's debts.

"Another significant memory from my childhood as a poor kid stands out, and it's the first time I unintentionally uttered the words, 'Sana hindi niyo na lang ako pinanganak.' I was just 11 years old, and it happened during the feast of Brgy. San Jose, in San Fernando, Pampanga."

He detailed, "The event had thrilling rides, especially the octopus ride, which piqued my curiosity. All my friends decided to try it, but I was hesitant because there was literally nothing in my pocket. Despite knowing my mother's likely response, I still tried to ask her for money."

He shared how his mom reacted, "At that time, she worked as a kasambahay and had just finished doing laundry. She faced me with her lightning-fast rapper spitting out 10 syllables per second and explained that the money she had left was for our food and that her boss hadn't paid her yet. Immature and frustrated, I threw a tantrum. She disciplined me with a stick, which brought out my main character side, and I blurted out those hurtful words for the first time."

The second time

He admits that when he first said those words to his mom, he was only young, and it was out of frustration and immaturity. However, he didn't expect to find himself saying these exact words again when he was already in college.

It happened at a time when he was receiving multiple scholarships, but all of his stipends were used to cover his family's expenses and pay for their debts, and still it wasn't enough. 

"Don't let your child be like me." —Jaynard Tiangco Ronquillo

"We were already midway through the semester, and the mounting debts were becoming overwhelming. I reached out to my mother for financial assistance, as I needed the money for rent, internet, electricity, and water bills. Unfortunately, we were left with absolutely nothing to spare, and there were no options for borrowing either. Regrettably, driven by sheer frustration, I let those painful words escape my lips once again, 'Sana hindi niyo na lang ako pinanganak," Jaynard recalled.

He explained, "While I wanted my parents to know that I love them deeply, I couldn't help but reflect on the circumstances of my existence and the world in which we live. Growing up, I saw the hardships they both endured to provide for me, and I was grateful for the sacrifices they had made. But I couldn't help but wonder about a different path – one where they had the chance to pursue their own passions and dreams without the burden of poverty."

What ifs

Jaynard couldn't help but hope that his parents were able to pursue their passions and dreams before they brought him into the world.

"It saddened me to think that they might have missed out on the opportunities and joys that life could have offered them if circumstances were different. Maybe they had dreams of becoming artists, musicians, or explorers. Perhaps they had aspirations to travel the world, discover new horizons, and embrace the beauty it had to offer. What if my father, with his exceptional mechanical skills, and my mother, who stood at the top of her class, had followed their passions? What if they decided not to have me and instead pursued their college dreams?"

"However, the weight of poverty pushed my parents into a constant struggle for survival. They had to prioritize putting food on the table and ensuring a roof over our heads, leaving little time or energy to chase after their own dreams. I couldn't help but wish for a reality where my parents both had the chance to flourish, to pursue their passions wholeheartedly. Maybe in that world, I wouldn't even exist, but I found myself contemplating if that might have been better for everyone involved."

Jaynard clarified that he didn't want to blame his parents or make them feel guilty. Rather, he hopes that his journey might serve as a reminder to adults to be mentally and financially prepared before entering parenthood. In all caps, he wrote, "DON'T LET YOUR CHILD BE LIKE ME."

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A reminder for future parents

He explained, "It may sound harsh but that’s the reality. If bringing a child into this world means subjecting them to similar or potentially worse hardships than I endured, all in the pursuit of success, it's better to reconsider having a child at all."

From his experience, Jaynard cited how it's important not only to be financially stable as parents but also to be wholistically ready to raise a child. 

He puts it firmly, "Your child's future is shaped by the foundation you lay for them."

"Kahit alam kong mahirap, imposible o tila isang suntok sa buwan, hindi pa rin ako mawawalan ng pag-asa na sana balang araw, wala nang mga batang tulad ko na sa murang edad ay tila ba pasan ang buong mundo. Sana sa paglipas ng panahon, wala nang mga batang magsasabi sa kanilang mga magulang na sana hindi na lang sila ipinanganak," Jaynard wrote.

Read Jaynard's full post on Facebook here.

His mom's reaction

Jaynard's mother Jennifer shared her response, saying, she is most proud of her son's accomplishments, despite the state of their lives.

"Hindi ko man maibigay ang mga bagay na meron ang iba na wala tayo, pero hindi ako nagsisisi na naging anak kita. Mahal na mahal ka namin ng Papa mo, at masaya ako na ipinanganak kita," she wrote. Read her full post here.

Message to struggling students

Jaynard shared that he is applying for a job, since he needs to save up for the board exams.

When asked what's his message to students who are experiencing what he went through, Jaynard told Smart Parenting, "Please know that your feelings are valid. Kung kaya kong yakapin ang lahat ng nakakaranas sa dinanas ko, gagawin ko. Hindi biro ang mabuhay sa kahirapan. Pero huwag tayong mawawalan ng pag-asa. Kakayanin natin ito.