Working Moms Are Not Bad Parents–This Mom Answers Unsolicited Advice For Working Parents

Much has been said about working moms - in pop culture, social media, in unsolicited comments, and everything in between. It seems that everyone, even those who are not parents, has an opinion about it.

So it’s no wonder that style and travel influencer, Camille Co received her share of working mom comments herself.

Is it worth it?

Camille starts her Instagram post with this question, “Is it worth it?”

“Your child deserves better.”

“These are her best years. You’ll regret it.”

She then says that these are just some of the unsolicited comments or advice she and other working moms receive regularly. Camille also expresses something that we, as working moms, often think about whenever we receive such comments.

“It’s already hard enough to be away from your child, it makes it even harder when others feel they have the right to judge you for it – as if your inner dialogue isn’t loud enough. Whenever I come home from work, I have this need to over compensate for the time I was away, which then just makes life an even tougher balancing act – one where you feel like you’re never winning. It’s exhausting.”

Erasing oneself in the process

Camille then goes on to share a line from an article that resonated with her: “The expectation of erasing oneself and sacrificing everything for your children is crushing.”

“Society expects mothers to be martyrs, fully devoting themselves to motherhood. ‘Erasing’ – erasing oneself in the process. But this isn’t natural. It’s a concept dictated by patriarchy.”

America Ferrera sums up this expectation in her monologue in the Barbie movie, “You’re supposed to love being a mother, but don’t talk about your kids all the damn time. You have to be a career woman but also always looking out for other people.”

Society demands that women and mothers have to be the best in everything all the time. We have to be the best moms – fulfilled by giving birth, raising our kids and taking care of our families. But we can’t be stay-at-home moms – because sayang ang pinag-aralan and we have to contribute to our family’s livelihood. We have to work and have established careers, but we can’t work too much or else “kawawa” our kids because they have a busy mom who can’t take care of them.

It seems moms are hard pressed to strike that perfect balance of being a hands-on mom while also being a successful career woman. Compare this to working dads – who now share the burden of providing for the family, thanks to working moms, but none of the pressure or parenting load, as that still fully rests on mom’s shoulders.

"So if you’re a working momma, know that you’re not a bad parent. I take comfort in the fact that I’m working for myself, my family and my daughter so that, as the article says, she can ‘grow up knowing she can be anything, because she watched her mother do it – claim herself, her time, in the face of everything.'”

We serve plenty of roles

Perhaps this “crushing” pressure to be everything all at once is the reason why moms are prone to burning out. So here’s something worth remembering from Camille whenever things get tough, and we hear unnecessary noise from other people:

“We are humans and we are multifaceted. We serve plenty of roles to plenty of people and we are allowed to enjoy it. So if you’re a working momma, know that you’re not a bad parent. I take comfort in the fact that I’m working for myself, my family and my daughter so that, as the article says, she can ‘grow up knowing she can be anything, because she watched her mother do it – claim herself, her time, in the face of everything.'”

Always remember that no one has the right to make us feel bad or call us bad moms just because we’re working. And no one has the right to make us feel bad or call us worthless just because we may have devoted our time to our family. Motherhood comes in all forms and kinds. Trust in yourself that you know what works best for you and your families.

Truly, let’s embrace our own brand of motherhood, mamas.