12 Baby Steps to Raise and Emotionally Healthy Boy

Is it possible for parents to raise an emotionally healthy boy who’s both a “softy” and a “toughie?” It’s possible if you do it in baby steps. Read the twelve ways you can go against the grain of stereotypes and encourage your boy be emotionally healthy.

1. Expose your child to different models of “manhood.” These are men with positive values, other than strength and courage. Our children have seen many heroes who fight wars, defeat sinister villains, or crush alien invasions. Boys need to see men serving their communities through humanitarian work or men showing concern for others. Let them meet male nurses, male teachers, women plumbers, and so on, suggests Dr. Pollack, author of the book Real Boys. If your son sees his dad, older brothers, uncles, and other male authority figures taking care of their families and talking openly about values and emotional strength, “It can inspire him to choose what kind of man he’d like to grow up to be,” says Dr. Violeta Bautista, psychologist and family therapist from Care and Counsel Wellness Center in Quezon City.

2. Let him learn “hands-on.” Ria Tirazona, psychologist at PsychConsult, Inc. in Quezon City explains, “Girls acquire verbal skills faster and earlier than boys. As such, they are able to make sense of, and respond to, spoken instructions better.” Boys respond better when they are “shown” how to do things. “They need to touch and tinker with things, run, move, climb, and build things. Boys learn more when they are hands-on, when they handle real things,” Tirazona adds.

3. Learn his language and talk to your son in a way that strengthens his pride and boosts his confidence. “It helps to know your son’s capabilities,” says Dr. Bautista. Ask his opinion or advice on small things; allow him to be your problem solver every now and then: What would be yummy for breakfast today? Do you think we should give the dog a bath now? However, it should not stop with a yes or no reply; initiate casual chitchat and explore the whys and hows, says Dr. Bautista. Don’t be disappointed with brief answers. “Respect his pace and individuality,” Dr. Bautista adds. It may take some time for him to reach a comfortable level but eventually, he will.

Click here to read more steps on how to raise an emotionally healthy boy.

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Read on for more steps on how to raise an emotionally healthy boy.

 

Encourage him to talk about how he feels. Let it come naturally; don’t force him to speak up. Tell him it’s okay to cry, and that this will not make him less of a boy. Ask him about his day, let him share what he likes and dislikes, and listen with sincere interest and no judgment so he wouldn’t be afraid to open up, says Dr. Bautista. More importantly, avoid teasing or taunting him when he expresses vulnerable feelings.

5. Give him safe places to express his high energy. Provide him with opportunities to engage in physical activities. Recognize and accept his high energy level. Help him learn how to put it to good use, instead of punishing him for it, Dr. Bautista says.

6. Give him chores and let him fend for himself. Teach him how to fix his things, pack away after play, and help with the laundry. “Ang problema kasi, in our culture, madalas, hindi  natuturuan ang mga batang lalaki ng gawaing bahay,” says Dr. Bautista. Break away from stereotypes and teach him how to do household tasks.

7. Help him label his feelings when he’s angry. Tirazona says, “Use precise words and give more concrete examples when explaining things to your son.” He may not be able to explain what exactly is bothering him at that moment, but given enough time, he will feel more at ease to talk.

8. Use positive discipline. Avoid putting your little boy to shame or imposing harsh punishment to “toughen” him up. Boys need discipline that is clear and consistent; it should not be ruthless. “Allow him to make mistakes but talk to him about it,” says Dr. Bautista. “Give concrete consequences, too, like taking away a privilege or giving a time-out,” says Tirazona. Girls get what you mean with just a cold look; boys need to see, hear, and understand what the outcome would be if they don’t adhere to the rules. “Kung palaging embarrassment, physical pain, and anger, ang end result, boys will just be angry, too, and resist authority,” says Dr. Bautista.

9. Encourage friendships and male bonding. Boys are good at imitating behavior and actions.
If your son sees and experiences male friendships and the conflicts that come with these (teasing, rough play, competition), he will also understand what it takes to maintain and preserve friendships, Dr. Bautista explains.

10. Allow boys’ play. Let him play the games he wants to play, but set clear rules from the start. Boys need to move around. “They may wrestle more, or enjoy roughhousing, but this doesn’t automatically make them violent persons,” Dr. Bautista explains. “You can allow competitive games or soldier games, as long as boys don’t hurt each other,” says Dr. Bautista. Be explicit: say, “No hitting” or “No rude words,” but don’t limit or block his choice of play altogether. You can always stand close by to oversee your kids at play so things won’t get out of hand.

 

Click here to read more steps on how to raise an emotionally healthy boy.

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Read on for more steps on how to raise an emotionally healthy boy.

11. Make books available to him. Tap his interests and give him books about it, says Tirazona. Know your son; know his passion. Your son will hold and open a book if it grabs his attention.

“Reading to your son regularly helps drum up his love for reading, as well as develop reading skills,” adds Tirazona. Look at all kinds of reading materials, magazines, comic books, graphic novels, as well as digital books that can be viewed in his iPod, PSP, or DS Lite.

12. Keep those praises coming. Your son needs to know he did well, even though he may pretend he doesn’t. Don’t be scarce with your praises, but make it specific and honest. “That’s great!” or “Good job” does not cut it. He wants to make you smile, and he needs to know what exactly you’re commending him for. “You’re dribbling that ball well” or “Thanks for helping me set the table” would be more effective.

SOURCES
•    Violeta Bautista, Ph.D., psychologist & family therapist, Care and Counsel Wellness Center, Quezon City
•    Ria Tirazona, psychologist, PsychConsult, Inc., Quezon City
•    Real Boys by William Pollack, Ph.D.
•    Raising Cain by Michael Thompson, Ph.D. and Dan Kindlon, Ph.D.