4 Tips to Handling Your Toddler’s Temper Tantrums

Temper tantrums are among parenthood’s major annoyances; one minute your child is a lovable little angel and the next, he’s a nuclear reactor on a meltdown. Nevertheless, tantrums are something you have to deal with because they are part of a growing child’s life.

What causes tantrums?
One of the main causes of tantrums is frustration. As mentioned, toddlers are still growing up and are still improving their physical and mental prowess; therefore, the world can be an overwhelming place for them. They want to do a lot of things because they are very curious and are excited about all there is to discover in their surroundings. But at the same time, children also live on routines. This means that if he doesn’t get to eat his merienda the same time as yesterday or if he fails to watch his favorite show on TV, this may resort to tantrums.

A child may also become frustrated at not being able to carry out a task; for instance, failing to prevent his stack of building blocks from falling over. Toddlers don’t yet know how to express their emotions and so resort to throwing tantrums.

On the other hand, a toddler may also start on a meltdown when he wants to manipulate you. Take note that if a child learns that to push your buttons through manipulative tantrums, it is something that should be corrected.


How to handle tantrums
1. Find out what triggers them. What are the things that set your child off? Do the tantrums happen when he’s bored or hungry? Do they happen when she’s tired from walking or is uncomfortable inside your car? Try to figure out what triggers the tantrums by making a mental note every time one happens or even better, by keeping a tantrum journal for a few days. By knowing the triggers, you’ll be able to intervene before your child explodes.


2. Frustration tantrums. If your child is having the tantrums because he’s frustrated, it is best to show empathy. This will help you win your child’s trust and it’s a great opportunity for some bonding too. You can help your child by acknowledging his frustration. For example you can say “I know you are hungry now,” or “I know you feel bad because your building blocks tower fell over.” Afterwards you can offer your child help; for instance, say “Mommy’s here to help you make you some sandwich,” or “Here, let me help you build your next tower.” A strong-willed kid may sometimes try to brush you aside and say he can do the task alone; however, do note that this is a chance for you to establish authority and build rapport with your kid. Try helping him out but still involve him in the task. When making a sandwich, for example, you can help by getting all the things he needs (e.g.  bread, spread and pickles, cheese, etc.) and then you can let him try putting the ingredients together.

 

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3. Manipulative tantrums. An older child might try to use tantrums over and over again in order to get what he wants. In this case, you need to send a clear message that you are in control and that tantrums don’t upset you. Your child needs to learn that tantrums are unacceptable and that there are other ways he can have what he needs or wants. The best thing to do is to ignore the child and walk away. You can tell him that you’ll speak to him only when he’s done shouting and wailing; this usually works wonders. A child will stop throwing tantrums just so you’ll pay attention to him again.

You may also try giving your child some space. Tell him that being angry is okay, but it should be expressed in appropriate places, for example, like his bedroom and not inside the mall, the train station, or in other public places. Same rules apply when your kid is throwing a fit inside his room; tell him “mommy will go back only when you are finished being angry.”

In addition, it is also important to teach your child to express his anger in an acceptable manner. Explain to him that speaking is better than shouting and wailing because it’s how grown ups get what they want. You can convince your child to do this by saying something like “Let mommy know what you want by talking calmly about it, not by shouting because you can hurt other people.”


4. Just stay cool. Don’t take your child’s meltdowns too personally. Many parents who experience tantrums in public also often feel very embarrassed. You may become too conscious of the staring people – those who roll their eyes in irritation and those who raise their eyebrows in seeming reproach of your “bad” parenting skills. To heck with them. These people don’t really understand that tantrums are a part of children’s lives. It’s absolutely normal! How you keep your cool is what matters more; the less conscious you are, the more you are able to consider your child’s feelings and needs and the better you can defuse the temper tantrums quickly.


Photo from flickr.com