How we Learned that our Daughter has Autism Spectrum Disorder

Mia Dela Cruz- Soriano is remembered by her high school peers as a very bubbly girl who always stole the scene during classroom skits. Her sunny smile is still there, and she makes it a point to keep in touch with her classmates from time to time. But there is a strong, determined side to her now as a doting mom to three-year-old Maia, who was recently diagnosed as having Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). The gregarious lady admits to becoming emotional when talk turns to her daughter.        

“She was just like any other baby. She was bubbly, active, and loving. She smiled at us a lot. But unlike other kids her age, she didn’t respond when people called her either by name or by getting her attention. She had fun when she played, but Maia didn’t join in with other kids, even if it was just running or throwing the ball. She preferred to build towers, stack cups, or line up crayons by herself,” she remembers.  

“It was mostly the same scenario at home but a little better. I remember her turning her head in my direction when I called, but perhaps it was because I was with her all the time. She also didn’t hold eye contact with most people but she did it sometimes for her father and me. This was why we thought it was a simple delay and not ASD. Realizing that she may be within the spectrum was a process for us,” she adds.

Mia continues, “Maia had 2 cousins who were born 9 and 6 months earlier, against whom we were able to compare her development. Compared to them, she didn’t talk right away, and when Maia did start to mouth words, she usually reserved her vocal prowess for us at home. Also, even though Maia was strong, she was also less physically coordinated.”

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Concern for Maia
Mia recalls that other people were starting to see the signs from the beginning.  “Primarily, there was my brother who was concerned that Maia didn’t respond to him as much as his other niece did. Then there were my parents who suspected it but found it hard to open up the topic with us for fear of hurting our feelings. Even a family friend who had 2 nephews with autism suggested that Maia be checked by a specialist when she saw Maia stack plastic cups as play. Finally, my husband’s aunt suggested that we bring her to a doctor to get assessed. It was hard to even agree to it, because we believed that she was normal. But given that other people had already made little suggestions, we agreed to go. Hard as it was then, we’re happy we followed her advice.”

Mia talks of their first consultation. “We were initially recommended to a developmental pediatrician, who told us that Maia did have a ‘developmental delay’, but he couldn’t be certain then if it was ASD, as Maia was just 1 year and 10 months old at the time. Based on certain developmental milestones, Maia surpassed expectations in some, but was not able to meet other milestones for her age. He told us to try certain activities such as enroll Maia in a play school to develop her social skills, occupational therapy, and speech therapy. He also recommended for us to get a high-resolution chromosomal analysis for Maia just to see if there are markers for autism. The results showed none.  We were told to come back in 6 months.”

“While we waited and followed his recommendations as much as we could, we were told of another developmental pediatrician who is said to be one of the best in the field.  It took us almost a year to get an appointment.”

Grief, support, and sources of strength
“The second developmental pediatrician, who is Maia’s current one, confirmed that she has ASD.  By that time, Maia was 2 years and 10 months old,” Mia recounts.

She gets frank and emotional: “At first, I thought I was ready for it. I mean, you wouldn’t go around taking your child to specialists if you didn’t have any inkling, but it is always difficult when the doctor confirms your worst fears. I felt very sad and almost depressed. I initially thought about her future -- about how she will manage being alone when her father and I eventually leave this world. I think and believe that I passed all the different levels of grief. I cannot answer for my husband, Cupid, but I know that he was very sad about it, too. But instead of grieving about it, he chose to think positive and be strong for me. I see him cry sometimes. We both still do, from time to time.”  

Mia is thankful for her husband’s unwavering strength throughout their challenges. “His support is very important. I believe that if it weren’t for Cupid, I would be a complete and total emotional wreck by now. He is my rock. He taught me (actually, he still is teaching me) how to be strong for both him and Maia. I don’t want to be a burden to him so I’m trying to keep my end of the bargain. Besides God, Cupid and Maia are my biggest sources of strength now. Next to them are my family and Cupid’s family.”

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“It wasn’t easy”
Then Mia throws a curve. “Just to let you know, I grew up with an older brother with autism. He’s our eldest. I love him and we’re all proud of him. He is socially functional, finished college, and works in a city library. He even knows his way around the city better than I do. But even with all his achievements, and ultimately my parents’ as well, I knew even before I had Maia that I didn’t want my child to go through life receiving stares from strangers, rebuke from those who can’t understand, and pity from others.

“I know about the challenges of being a parent to a child with autism as I saw it with my mom and dad. I grew up with it. It wasn’t - and still isn’t - easy. Their support for my brother and each other are very good examples for my husband and myself. I am blessed to have such a loving and understanding man by my side.”

Proactive interventions
Mia has found many tools to help not only Maia, but the whole family. “Aside from Maia’s semi-annual assessment visits to her Developmental Pediatrician, my husband and I, together with our respective mothers, attended a Parent Training Seminar at the Center for Autism and Related Disorders (for more information, visit http://cardphils.org/). This seminar was recommended by the developmental pediatrician to help us understand what our child may be going through and what we can do as parents to help prepare them for life outside our home.”

“Now, again upon the recommendation of her development pediatrician, Maia is also undergoing a Home Intervention Program, a skills and behavioral training program for both parents and yayas on how to manage kids with autism at home. We have also researched a lot about autism treatments, interventions, programs, and activities. We came across books by Ellen Notbohm (a mom with a son who has autism) and a few others about autism and how to raise and help children that have it. Twitter has also led me to a lot more resources on parenting and autism,” she shares.

“Be the best she can be”
When asked about long-term plans, Mia gives this answer. “I think it has become a little difficult to think about long term plans knowing that we have so much to do and go through with Maia in the near future. In fact, we were advised to hold off on schooling first as it was important to teach Maia skills she needed to “get out in the world”. Academics will have to come after proper behavior has been taught. If this path requires that she enroll under a Special Education program, then so be it. If Maia is able to develop in “regular” school, then that’s good, too. As we were told, school and speech therapy time would be wasted if Maia didn’t know how to sit still, listen, and participate in the exercises. Maia’s current developmental pediatrician already told us that she believes that Maia can go far and even graduate from university. This is our long-term goal. We’d like for her to be the best that she can be - in school, in the community, and in her chosen field or specialty.”

Read Atty. Adel Tamano's experience with Autism Spectrum Disorder here.