Why I Am Not Teaching My Toddler: A Mom's Perspective

You might ask, what’s the difference? Well for starters, I don’t behave like a teacher. Teachers have set lesson plans and parameters to engage the learner. They show, tell, provide examples, practice and then (and this is the interesting and/or painful part) test learners’ grasp. They follow standards for quantifying learning and are professionally obliged to require students to demonstrate learning in one way or another. This is all well and good, except maybe for preschoolers and younger. I am uncomfortable about “demonstrating learning,” or the pressure for tiny explorers to be exact in their perceptions. In and of itself there is nothing wrong with the need to get an answer or feedback except when it is put alongside precise metrics. A group of young learners are put in the same time box (schedules and deadlines) or a uniform time limit of sorts within which they “should get it.” What if one or some don’t get it just yet?

I see all sorts of ways in which this approach can be stifling for little learners. Pressure to keep up with the rest. Imagine the nervousness being asked a question in front of the class, all eyes on you. Never mind the answer. It is very likely that all you could think of at that moment is the fact that all those eyes are waiting for you to speak, and fast! Think on your feet, we are told! But is this really the best way to go about it? At some point in the learning progression, perhaps yes. But for preschool, I object. This is why it is such a relief to see some enlightened classrooms intentionally practice think time, which allows learners time to pause, consider their ideas and ponder on what to say.

'I must appreciate that dare, that willingness to try. To experience being wrong and get frustrated about it. I need to remind myself that there can be creative order in chaos and there is definitely learning along the highway of mistakes.' - MaryRose Candare

Our little ones are meant to tinker, explore, and imagine. The fact that they don’t know is as charming as genius. A clean slate. I don’t believe it is in their best interest to be made to memorize a certain series, let alone master anything. At all.

A toddler learns best by doing

This is why I am not teaching my toddler. Certainly not in the traditional way.

You won’t see me “making” him recite the alphabet at my whim or to amuse guests. He does not have to name all the animals, colors and shapes. He can do it if he feels like it and often it is when he is alone or not prompted by anything that he shares. He volunteers the information with a twinkle in his eyes. His moment of discovery!

Yes, I will not expect him to identify numbers although I must say my 3 year-old Max surprises me with those “facts” he knows from his activities, from real life. They’re natural learning bits he picks up from toys, books, videos, people, places and things.

I will not be quick to correct him if he calls red, green. I would amuse myself observing how he corrects himself at some point.

I have countless times tried to curb my obsessive instinct to organize his toys and show him which kinds of stuff go together or how things work. He would quickly remind me, “Maxi only!” I must appreciate that dare, that willingness to try. To experience being wrong and get frustrated about it. I need to remind myself that there can be creative order in chaos and there is definitely learning along the highway of mistakes.

I will not have him demonstrate his learning like a performance that he needs to perfect. If he fancies singing about letters, then so be it. I’d be delighted to clap and would most likely grab my phone to take a video.

We learn best by doing. That is why we are trained for jobs. Let us consider this when we are around small kids. Their work is to play, with learning as icing on the curiosity cake.