I’m sorry. I wasn’t the one who sent you that photo of our ceiling and my foot. I also wasn’t the one who sent you an inappropriate laughing smiley after you posted a status about losing your phone. Which may or may not have been followed by a long line of random characters via private message.
You see, I have rambunctious children that include a terrorist toddler who sometimes hijacks my phone. He can navigate my phone’s applications like a boss and has seemingly memorized my passcodes (go figure!). I guess you know what happens when you have a technologically savvy tot who can’t read yet and a mother who forgets to log out her social media accounts on her phone.
If you are one of those who currently hates me because I inappropriately liked or sent a happy smiley to a status narrating your misfortune (i.e., losing a pet, you get sick), please know that that wasn’t me being happy about it. It was my child scrolling through my Facebook wall and randomly liking and clicking buttons. I also would like to apologize to those friends who might have received a photo of a close-up of a pair of small nostrils. Please know that I haven’t lost my marbles yet. No, that wasn’t me going crazy. It was my toddler who seems to get a kick out of taking photos of people’s appendages including her nostrils and then clicking share.
And if you are a Facebook “friend” who has no idea who I am and who just accepted my friend request out of curiosity, please know there’s a 90% chance that I do not know you too. It must have been my child who added you. How a 2-year-old did it is a mystery to me also.
And since we’re on the topic of my child sending random people friend requests, I also would need to check all the pages “I” have liked and followed on Facebook recently. I have been noticing a lot of My Little Pony photos on my news feed lately.
To my friends who sent me an important message only to be marked seen or replied with many many smileys one after another (or worse a dancing GIF), I am sorry. That wasn’t me. There’s a 99.9% chance I didn’t even see your message — it was my toddler “read” it. So please feel free to send me another message, send it twice just for insurance.
I remembered a friend, a fellow mom with a small child, who, in the middle of the night, started a Facebook Live video of the electric fan going round and round and round for 30 minutes — yup, just a fan doing its business. I just knew what happened. God forbid the day my children will take photos of me sleeping and accidentally post it on Facebook or turn on Facebook Live, and I'd be snoring (Lord God, please, no).
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But in case that happens, please let this be my apology in advance.
Loraine Balita-Centeno was a full-time faculty member of De La Salle University (Manila) where she also served as director of the Student Media Office. She gave it up to work from home, writing and editing for various publications in the Philippines and abroad, with a toddler clamped around one leg and a preschooler asking her questions every five minutes. Read more of her parenting ramblings on her blog mommyfied.ph.