Masungit Lang Ba Ang Teenager Mo O Depressed Na? What You Can Look Out For

I don’t know when or how it started, but I’ve noticed for quite some time now that my teen son easily gets irritated over the simplest of reminders. You can feel from the sound of his voice that he is annoyed about being told to attend to something. 

I also noticed that he liked correcting me in front of others. I allowed this behavior with amusement at first because I took it as a sign that he was gaining more knowledge than me on certain things like technology, pop culture and the like.

Whenever I’d attempt to answer a question, sometimes he would turn to his Dad to validate if my answer was correct. Sometimes I felt that in his mind I was senseless.

When people were very concerned about catching Covid-19 because of the high incidences of deaths, I went on self-quarantine at home for 14 days when I had a passing low-grade fever.

Except for my husband, I felt none of my kids expressed deep concern. I found myself so abandoned. It came to a point when I felt that playing with their friends online was more important than checking on me if I was doing okay.

Premenopausal sensitivity? Maybe.

What happened to my sweet boys?

It wasn’t always like this.  I remember the times when traveling without my young kids was emotionally heavy for all of us because my kids would cry in frustration whenever they could not contact me.

There was a time when my own Dad had to send me a message to call home because one of his apos was inconsolable.

So what happened? What happened to my sweet and loyal boys? Why have they become so distant and sometimes irritable when relating with me?

Once I was joking around and one of my teens snapped at me. I called him aside after dinner and told him my observations.

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Being trained for it, I tried my best to suspend my anger as I used the “I” message technique on him. I focused on the behavior that was upsetting me and I saw in his face that he was surprised that I felt that way.

It turns out that he wasn’t aware that his manner and tone were condescending. I had to remind him that we should be a team and that parents should never be made to feel foolish if there are new trends and technologies that’s not easy for us to learn and understand.

He apologized and has become more mindful about his words since then.

Exercise caution with teenagers

Imagine if I chose to be reactive than responsive. I could have demolished my child’s self-esteem by labeling him as arrogant, ungrateful, and obnoxious.

If I did not open communication lines, we could have drifted further apart. It's best to exercise mindfulness when dealing with teens.

Taking a breath to observe what’s going on is essential so that parents can proceed addressing the situation calmly.

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The “I” Message is an excellent technique that serves as a checkpoint to determine how each one feels.

An “I” message is defined as “a style of communication that focuses on the feelings or beliefs of the speaker rather than thoughts and characteristics that the speaker attributes to the listener,” says Good Therapy.

By doing so, tension is reduced as parent and child reveal and clarify feelings. The dialogue ends with affirmation and an unconditional positive regard for the other. 

“I” Message examples

• “I feel unappreciated for my efforts to ensure you are not late for class whenever you sound annoyed when I wake you up gently in the morning. I know it is hard to be cheerful right away in the morning, what if you say ‘Good Morning, Mom,’ so I know that you don’t need me to remind you again to get up?”
• “I feel that my opinions don’t matter to you and I feel rejected when you turn to Dad to ask a question which I already answered. Maybe you can continue the discussion with me so I can clarify my points if they are vague to you.”
• “I feel as if I am ignorant whenever you turn to each other to laugh at how I understood things. It's natural that you will know more about me when it comes to technology, so please explain it to me so I will learn too.”
• “I feel more frustrated whenever you walk out on me while discussing something that is important to me. I know it can be irritating to hear feedback, and I’m doing this so that we can avoid being in this situation again.” 

When to consider seeking professional help

While it is normal for teens to experience increased irritability during this stage because of hormonal shifts in their body, it is best to observe if such behaviors last for more than two weeks, as this may be a symptom of depression.

Check if irritability is coupled with other symptoms such as, whole days of sadness for no apparent reason.

Teens who are depressed have negative feelings of worthlessness and may show this through their low performance and poor attendance in school.

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Parents should be aware of this because such teens are easily triggered and extremely sensitive with people’s remarks, so much so that they may opt to isolate themselves and sleep excessively in order to avoid social interaction.

Seek professional attention immediately if symptoms include self-harm and suicide ideation.

Dr. Gail Reyes Galang is chair of the Family Studies program of Miriam College where she also teaches under the Department of Psychology. She is currently the associate director of the Center for Peace Education. Follow her on Instagram @gailfrancesgalang