Sumasagot Na? Moms Weigh In When Talking Back To Isn't Always A Bad ThingThere are upsides to listening to what your child has to say.by Rachel Perez .
Many parents today grew up without a real voice in their household. When they asked questions then, they were often met with a stern, "Basta!" or "Sumunod ka na lang." Kids today are more vocal. Is it a fault of the parents' upbringing, and should they put a stop to it?
One mom in the Smart Parenting Village Facebook group, asked if parents of teenagers today consider it taboo when their teenage child talks back or reasons out. "We were raised before na kapag sumasagot, masama na, at often times nae-equate ang validity at value ng opinion mo with how old you are," she explained.
Times have changed now. Many mommies who responded allow it to a certain point, and they have valid reasons for doing so. Below are what they said:
Dapat andun pa rin 'yung respect
I have an 18-year-old, and I do let her speak her thoughts pero syempre dapat nandun pa rin ang respect. Nasanay na kami ni hubby to ask them about their opinions lalo na if they are involved. Very rare na sumagot siya nang pabalang, maybe dahil alam niya din na she can express herself. If she goes out of line, mapapagalitan pa rin siya. — Mommy PamADVERTISEMENT - CONTINUE READING BELOWCONTINUE READING BELOWRecommended Videos
Aim for a conversation
Let us not dwell how we are raised in the past. Pareho tayo ng pagpalaki na kapag sumagot ka, shut up ka na lang. Pero ngayon bilang nanay na ako, gusto ko na malaman ng anak ko bakit ako nagalit sa ginawa niya, and at the same time, tinatanong ko bakit niya nagawa 'yun. What I normally do is calm myself first then later on sabihin ko usap na kami. — Mommy Megan
They need to learn how to speak out
I allow them to talk and express their thoughts, even teach them how to say it with respect. 'Pag pabalang ang sagot, I ask what upsets them. They need to learn how to speak out and help as much as I can na matutunan nila 'yon sa tamang paraan. Ayaw kong matulad sila sa generation ko na tahimik na lang kahit hindi na tama. — Mommy JazerADVERTISEMENT - CONTINUE READING BELOW
Huwag double standards sa mga bata
We practice modern parenting but traditional way pa din sa pag-discipline ng mga bata. No-no pa din sa amin ang pag-answer back sa adults but we have a family hour every week para may chance sila mag-voice out. We agree with them, but if necessary, we also correct them in a way na hindi useless ang pagsasabi ng opinion. Kids nowadays are smart and very observant kaya careful din tayo mga parents na 'wag double standards sa kanila. Dapat consistent tayo. — Mommy Sophia
Kids are also humans
Treat them as an equal human being as long as they don't cross the line. Kung nasa tama ang katwiran nila at ikaw ang mali, bilang magulang mag-sorry ka para fair. Kung hindi mo sila pakikinggan maghahanap sila ng taong makikinig sa kanila at d'un na mag-uumpisa ang paglayo nila sa'yo. — Mommy Cherry
Foster openness in your child
Lumaki ako na bawal sumagot kasi paglalapastangan sa nakakatanda. So ako growing up, hindi nasanay maglabas ng saloobin. I don’t want my 10-year-old daughter na maging gan'on. Kaya palagi ko siyang sinasabihan na kung anong nararamdaman niya or may gusto siyang sabihin, sabihin niya sa'kin. Hindi naman ako magagalit, basta kausapin mo lang ako. Ayaw ko kasi na maglilihim siya sa akin, like me before kasi takot ako na mapagalitan ng parents ko. Gusto ko maging open siya sa'kin. — Mommy LalinaADVERTISEMENT - CONTINUE READING BELOW
Avoid planting seeds of resentment
I listen to my eldest and explain our side, so she'd do the same and to encourage her to be open. When I was their age, I wished pwedeng sabihin 'yung side ko sa parents every time pinapagalitan. Somehow naging mapagtanim ako ng sama ng loob dahil bawal sumagot. — Mommy Irene
Kids today need to be heard
I allow my kids to reason out as long as hindi pabalang at alam kong may sense 'yung rason nila. I understand na nasa crossroads ang mga batang nasa edad 8 to 14. Ayokong ma-confuse sila between, "Aba, sumasagot ka pa?" and "Eh di dapat sinabi mo sa akin para malaman ko." If they go way too far, I stand firm sa consequences na ie-execute ko sa kamalian nilang 'yon.
Every child is different. Iba rin tayo sa kanila. They express their emotions and ideas differently. They need to be heard. Magkakaiba sila ng pinagdadaanan. Iba rin sa mga pinagdaanan natin n'ung kabataan natin. Malaking bagay sa kanila na tayong mga magulang ay pakikinggan sila. Isa 'yan sa mga responsibilities natin bilang mga magulang. — Mommy PaulaADVERTISEMENT - CONTINUE READING BELOW
Communication is very important
Let the child speak and then make him understand what he's done wrongly. Show him respect and that he doesn't need to hide things from you out of fear, that he can speak freely every time. Respect goes both ways. Communication is very important in any relationship for it to work. Whoever is at the wrong side must learn to apologize whether the kids or parents. For them to understand that there's no perfect world and everyone makes mistakes that we can learn from. — Mommy Jennieva
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