A Parent's Ultimate Guide To Puberty: Know The Physical, Emotional Changes Of Your Tween

You know it all too well—the mood swings, the breakouts, the questionable fashion choices. Like a fable that every parent has heard of but dreads living out, that time has finally come. Your sweet child who was once cradled in the safety of your embrace is now about to embark on a rollercoaster of physical and emotional ups and downs, also known as puberty.

Here’s a quick guide to understanding puberty and how you can help your prepubescent go through this sometimes challenging but often exciting life stage.  

What Is Puberty? 

According to this 2023 review from the National Library of Medicine, puberty is defined as the process of physical maturation where an adolescent reaches sexual maturity and becomes capable of reproduction. The exact age would vary from each child, but most females will typically start puberty when they’re 8 to 13 years old, while males will start between 9 to 14. The changes that your preteen will experience are triggered by the production of sex hormones (estrogen in girls and testosterone in boys), resulting in both physical and emotional changes during this time.

From your son’s cracking voice to a trip to the ladies’ department to get your daughter a training bra, your child will experience a myriad of physical changes when they enter puberty. It won’t happen overnight, but rather over time. Knowing what to expect will help parents guide their children through puberty changes and equip them to better answer any questions they might have about it.  

Growth Spurt 

Studies show that growth spurts for girls begin between the ages of 9 and 10, and 11 and 12 for boys, who will grow at a faster rate. About 20 percent of your child’s height will be obtained during this time. In addition, as your child grows taller, their bones will also increase in density, length, and width. Make sure your preteen eats a balanced diet with an adequate amount of calcium to support their body’s rapid growth. 

Don't take it persoally if they want to spend time with their friends. Remember, it's natural behavior due to their development.

It's common for your child’s growth to seem disproportionate. For instance, the head and hands may grow faster than the rest of the body. Because of these changes, your child might feel clumsy or self-conscious about their looks, so it’s important to reassure them that what they’re going through is normal and just a passing phase. 

Changes In Body Shape  

One of the first physical changes of puberty for females is breast development. Your daughter will develop buds, or small, firm, tender lumps under one or both nipples which will continue to grow in the next year or two. This phase normally occurs between 9 or 10 years old, and sometimes even earlier in some ethnic groups. Although it’s not necessary to get your daughter a training bra at this point as it may cause discomfort to sensitive breast tissue, you can opt for more comfortable alternatives such as a lightweight, cotton undershirt or sports bra. 

While it’s common for both boys and girls to experience an increase in their body mass index (BMI), females will typically see a higher increase in body fat. Their hips will widen, and their body will start to take on more shape.

If you have a son, you might notice his shoulders broadening and his muscles growing. By the age of 16, boys will stop growing but their muscles will continue to develop. 

READ ALSO: Young Girls' Confidence Rapidly Decline Starting At Age 8: 3 Ways We Can Encourage Them

Changes In Sexual Characteristics 

The physical changes of puberty for males usually begin with an increase in the size of their testicles. They will also experience erections more often which may lead to more regular ejaculations, even in their sleep, otherwise known as a “wet dream.” 

Pubic Hair 

Both males and females will develop pubic hair during puberty. For girls, it will start off as light, fine, straight hair but will grow coarser, thicker, and darker over time. Boys may grow hair past their pubic region and spread towards the thigh and belly button. This usually happens when they are 12 or 13, and when they turn 14 or 15, they will start to grow hair on other parts of their body such as the face, chest, underarms, and legs as well.  

Menstruation  

A year or two after your daughter enters puberty, your daughter will experience her first menstruation, or menarche. The exact age would vary depending on several factors such as genetics and other health factors, but generally happens between 12 to 13 years old. According to a study on the physiology of menarche, or the first menstruatin of a woman, approximately 98% of females will have experienced their first period by 15 years old. 

'It’s important that you provide them with a good support system and proper guidance to help them through this transition.'

Other physical changes your preteen may experience during puberty include increased sweat and oil production which may result in acne, changes in sleep patterns, and improved gross and fine motor skills such as higher flexibility, balance, and strength. In addition, teach your child to develop personal hygiene habits like bathing regularly and using deodorant as he or she will also begin to have body odor as they enter puberty. 

Emotional and Cognitive Changes 

The emotional changes in puberty can be as challenging for parents as they are for your children. Being aware of these changes and staying objective throughout, instead of taking things personally, will help you support your child better. 
 
The combination of hormones and the physical changes your prepubescent experiences will trigger emotions and feelings of being more self-conscious. Attention will shift to outward appearances as they focus on how they look and what they wear. They will also care more about what others will think of them, particularly their peers and how they fit in social groups. 

READ ALSO: Mom's Explainer on Puberty Is the Script You Need When It's Time to Talk to Your Child
 
It’s normal for preteens to want more independence and place a higher value on their privacy. As a parent, you might be tempted to take it against them when they’d rather spend time with people their own age instead of family, but it’s important to remember that these are all normal behaviors during puberty. 
 
Your child will also undergo some cognitive changes during this change. Before puberty, your child saw the world in black or white. As they enter this new age of independence and increased freedom, they will explore new ways of learning and discover things on their own. This isn’t always a bad thing, but you need to explain the consequences of wrong decisions such as experimenting with drugs or other forms of bad behavior to your teen early on. 

How to Help Your Preteen During Puberty 

During puberty, your preteen may be overwhelmed by all the changes they’re experiencing, so it’s important that you provide them with a good support system and proper guidance to help them through this transition. Don’t wait for your child to come to you with questions. Initiate conversations about puberty during day-to-day activities. For instance, you might want to bring up the topic of your child’s growth spurt while shopping for clothes. 
 
Apart from the physical changes, provide your preteen with authentic and reliable information about the emotional and social changes they will go through. Talk about your own experiences growing up and remind them that their friends are going through the same emotions too. Keeping your cool and lending a listening ear when they bring up topics that might otherwise shock you (like a new crush) will also help you support your child, instead of scaring them away. 
 
Puberty can be a confusing and overwhelming time for both parents and children. But it’s also an opportunity to grow and learn alongside your child as they enter a new stage in their lives where they become their own person. With a little patience and the occasional words of wisdom in between heartaches and peer pressure, you and your mini-me may very well just breeze through this mildly turbulent milestone unscathed.