Listen and Love: Breastfeeding isn’t for Every Mom

Uncomfortable beginnings
It was while I was pregnant with my first-born Amalia, now two years old, that I started to learn about breastfeeding. Even then, I already wasn’t comfortable with the idea of nursing. I admit it was mainly for selfish reasons: I didn’t want to be tied down to the baby’s schedule; I didn’t want my already tiny breasts to sag; and cringed at the thought of having to nurse in public. On the other hand, I was surrounded by breastfeeding advocates so I felt pressured to nurse. Besides, doctors and the media keep proclaiming, “Breastfeeding is best for babies.” So even if I had my doubts, I felt I had no choice. My reasons for not wanting to nurse did not justify risking my baby’s health. I had to try.


Attempting to surmount difficulties
The first time my daughter latched on to me, I knew it wasn’t going to be a smooth ride. During the first month I suffered from sore nipples. I tried everything to soothe the pain –from creams to nipple shields to ice packs –but nothing worked. I also had breast engorgement. I had so much milk, but had difficulty expressing it. My breasts would get so hard, they’d feel like rocks. I’d express the milk even when my baby wasn’t hungry to relieve myself of the pain. I’d even stuff my bra with cold cabbage leaves to help ease the swelling. And I had to deal with clogged ducts all throughout the months I breastfed.

My struggles with the pain of nursing, coupled with recovering from childbirth, exhaustion from taking care of Amaia, lack of sleep and stress of being the first-time mom plunged me into mild postpartum depression a few weeks after she was born. I struggled to take care of my baby. I dreaded each time she’d wake up. I wasn’t enjoying my motherhood at all –and I knew it was mainly caused by my struggles with breastfeeding.

Click here to read more about Kate's experience breastfeeding.

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Read on to learn more about Kate's experience breastfeeding.

Choosing for the best
But because others around me had conditioned me to do it, I couldn’t give up. I did it for three months. I had my good days and bad days, but I never really enjoyed it. Instead of seeing it as a way for me to bond with Amaia, it was doing the exact opposite. So, I decided after three months, that I had had enough. And I never felt better. I felt like a big weight was taken off my shoulders. I was much more excited and happy to be with Amaia. I treated her with more love and affection. It was a learning experience for me –one I do not regret. On the fateful day, I told myself I would never breastfeed again.


The second time around
When I gave birth to my second child, deciding whether or not to breastfeed him wasn’t as easy as I thought. Even though I promised never to nurse again, I still wanted the best to Andres. But I also needed to make a decision based on what was best for both of us. And since I also had Amaia, I could not afford to go through the same struggles I had the first time.

Remembering all the stress I experienced nursing Amaia, I knew breastfeeding wasn’t for me. “Happy mom equals baby” was the slogan I went by –and stuck with –the second time around. And true enough; my experience with nurturing my son was very different. I looked forward to being with him. I felt more bonded with him because I didn’t have to nurse round the clock. There was no post-partum stress this time. Of course, family and friends continued to encourage me to breastfeed. They told me to sacrifice for Andres and not waste healthy milk. But I’m glad I stayed firm with my decision. I know I made the right choice for my whole family. My son is as healthy and happy as he can be, and so in my daughter.

Yes, breastfeeding is great for mom and babies, but I also believe it is not for everyone. As moms, we need to find the right balance for us. Listen to your instincts and be firm with your choices. At the end of the day, breast milk is not the most important ingredient in a baby’s life –it is love.

Photo from sxc.hu