World Milksharing Week: A Filipina Mom’s Inspiring True Story

September 24 to 30 is World Milksharing Week and this year’s theme is “Sharing Milk, Nurturing Community.” If you are unfamiliar with the concept, milksharing, simply put, is the sharing of breastmilk from one mother (the donor) to another mother and her child (the recipients). This is based on the belief that “all babies and children have the right to receive human milk”.

World Milksharing Week was launched last year and is held annually every last week of September. According to its official website, its goal is “to celebrate milksharing and to promote human milk as the biologically-normal nourishment for babies and children.”

The organizers of the event hope that “by raising awareness about milksharing, families will never again feel forced into feeding breastmilk substitutes — an act which is not without risk to the health of the child. The incredible sense of community that is created among donor and recipient families who partake in milksharing is to be celebrated.”

Locally, milksharing is not very well-known among Filipino communities, although many breastfeeding groups and advocates are trying to change that. In fact, one of the reasons why many breastfeeding advocates are against the Monster Milk Bill is because it proposes to allow milk companies donate their products in times of disaster, such as typhoons, floods and earthquakes. Ironically, these are the times when breastmilk is most needed and is actually the safest food mothers can give to their children.

However, even during “normal” times, it should be noted that breastfeeding and milksharing in particular still saves many babies’ lives, especially those confined in the neonatal intensive care units (NICU)of hospitals.

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This was what motivated Melissa Menes and her husband Justin, owners of an events coordination company and parents to Mika, 10, and Joshua, 7, to donate breastmilk shortly after their daughter Kat passed away a day after she was born. Here is Melissa’s story, in her own words:

“My daughter was diagnosed with congenital diaphragmatic hernia on the fifth month of my pregnancy, during our congenital anomaly scan. The prognosis was not good, but we wanted to continue with the pregnancy and give her the best chances possible. From research, we learned that if she made it past the first few hours, it could still take months before she could leave the incubator and directly breastfeed, so we bought an excellent electric pump from Babymama, a local company. We promised our baby that even if she didn’t make it, we would commit to donating milk to give other babies a chance.

Our daughter, Katherine Ryu, was born on July 29, 2012, at 37 weeks. She gave out five small cries. She was beautiful. She was perfect. As we had begged in our prayers, she miraculously survived the first few seconds, first few hours, until she reached her first full day. Her lungs and heart started to fail shortly after her operation, and after several attempts, the doctors asked if they should stop resuscitation. Our family was with us as we said our last goodbye in the privacy of Makati Medical Center’s breastfeeding room. It’s very rare for parents to know in advance that their baby might not live -- in our case, we had three to four months to prepare ourselves -- and while it cushioned us from the shock, it did not lessen the pain.

My milk came on the night she died. Thus, even before we left the hospital, we were able to donate colostrum-rich breastmilk to the NICU.

When we got home, I decided that I could share my breastmilk to others who need it. I wasn’t so sure if I would have the willpower while I was still pregnant, but I seem to have found my conviction to do it. After a week or so, I purchased more items to make the experience easier (the Wish Bra, the Babymama bag with insulated cooler, and more milk bags). Until now, I bring the bag with me to events and pump in the car. I actually feel irritable if I can’t pump, since I know my milk supply is so important to other babies!

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Sometimes, at three in the morning, I reflect and wonder if I should keep going. It’s very difficult to be doing this without thinking about our baby Kat for whom my milk flows, but what gets me – us - through are the text messages from the doctors and families who update us on the growth of their babies whom we have been able to help. It’s a validation that life is not completely unfair, and that somehow, through the milk that was meant for her, Kat’s memory lives on.

On my first month, I was able to pump 20 to 25 ounces a day. I had a cesarean delivery, so I was strictly working from home most of the time. On my second month, I averaged 12 to 20 ounces a day. Now, I’m back to working full time, but I’m still able to pump breastmilk every five or six hours.

Every week, we drop off my frozen breastmilk to the NIC Unit of the Makati Medical Center, and with the help of my OB-Gyn, Dra. Arlene Bravo, and neonatalogist, Dra. Martinez, we are able to share the milk with other hospitals as well who urgently need it. I was also able to donate to other babies whose family or friends I met through Human Milk 4 Human Babies Philippines. All in all, about 10 babies have been the recipients of my breastmilk in the last two months.

Sharing my milk has been my saving grace throughout our loss. If I could continue doing this for a year, I would. I think though that it might be too difficult to let go if I keep at it too long, so I promised one of my best friends, who is on her fifth month of pregnancy, that I would give her the pump when she needs it.

Not all bereaved mothers would consider donating their milk because of their grief, and there also aren’t a lot of support groups online in the Philippines that guide parents on how to deal with their loss, or what to do with themselves after the tragedy. Thus, most of these moms just let their milk dry up. I have been fortunate to have been guided to doing this. It’s a bittersweet experience, but it gave me a reason to get up instead of just wallowing in my grief. If not for it, I would have just stayed in bed for weeks, crying. But there were other babies who needed help, and it gave me motivation to move forward.

It was also therapeutic to deliver the milk and to see the other babies in the NICU growing. I could go on and on about how helpful it was, and how it continues to help me until now. The loss of a baby throws off your perception of the world, because babies are not supposed to die, but the experience of donating breastmilk has been a great help to us during this time.”

Mommy Mel’s story is one of selfless giving and of the truth of the statement “The more you give, the more you receive.” In giving of herself through her breastmilk, she has received healing and strength. We know that her baby girl, Kat, is extremely proud of her mom (and dad) for their generosity. Truly, the Menes family is living out the theme of this year’s World Milksharing Week: “Sharing Milk, Nurturing Community.”

For more information about milksharing in the Philippines, please contact Human Milk 4 Human Babies Philippines via their Facebook page. Medela Moms also accepts breastmilk donations and helps forward them to babies in need. You may contact them through medelamoms@gmail.com or 0917-5614366.

Photo from parentsavvy.com