Ready to Be a Mom

As a parent, you become more familiar with terms like “parent burnout,” “terrible twos,” and “childproofing.” You’ll forget about selfish indulgences like shopping for stilettos and getting a manicure, and be more appreciative of long-gone things you used to take for granted like silence, a clean table surface, and long hours of sleep. At the same time, you realize that although you feel a sense of personal loss, you don’t feel complete without the bedtime battles, temper tantrums, and picky eating —daily but manageable ordeals that come with embracing your new identity.

As author Ann Douglas advises, “Don’t allow your parenting responsibilities to take over your entire life.” Setting some “me-time” will give you time to unwind and do the things you enjoy. Believe us, you’ll need to take that deep breath before diving into the next grueling wave with your hyperactive tot.

You’ll have to work doubly hard to parade in public like a shimmering, size-zero Hollywood mom with her designer-clad tots. But for the average woman, being a mother oftentimes means donning the necessary battle scars—dark circles under your droopy eyes, wrinkly stretch marks permanently etched on your full-figured thighs and puson, unkempt hair, and unmanicured nails. You can’t even call yourself a bona fide mother unless you’ve been vomited, peed, and pooped on by your helpless little infant. Starting to think you’re not cut out to be a mom? Read on to clue yourself in on the bare realities of motherhood and brace yourself for the trials that lie ahead.

 

Misconceptions about conception

When my husband and I made the decision to have a baby, we thought it would just be a matter of freeing up our nights and buying the necessary mood enhancers—candles, chocolates, and red wine. But when I still got my menstrual period a couple of weeks later, despite innumerable nights of backbreaking romance, we realized that getting pregnant was a tricky, complicated process indeed.

First, we discovered from my ob-gyn that timing is a major factor. Research found that when it comes to conceiving, one major miscalculation couples make is to time their intercourse during the woman’s ovulation. Conception can only happen during the five days before a woman ovulates, according to The Mother of All Parenting Books by Ann Douglas. Ovulation occurs 10 to 14 days prior to the first day of a woman’s menstrual period, and once it takes place, this small window in the cycle closes within 12 hours.

Second, “doing it” every day might not have been the best course of action, as hubby and I assumed. Certified nurse-midwife Peg Plumbo from Minnesota suggests having intercourse every other day because a man needs around 48 hours to achieve maximum sperm count, especially if his numbers are lower than average. Waiting longer than two days to have intercourse isn’t advisable either since sperm counts decrease if he doesn’t ejaculate for more than a week.

Last, and don’t be scandalized: certain sexual positions do increase your chances of conceiving. Aside from the fun experimenting you’ll be doing, the key is to deposit the sperm as close to the cervix as possible. Good ol’ missionary, or the man-on-top position, is ideal. If you have a “low” or tipped uterus, try intercourse from behind (woman on hands and knees). Position no-no’s are sitting, standing, and woman on top since these can cause semen to leak.

Needless to say, after following these recommendations to the book (and spending thousands of pesos on racy lingerie), we finally saw those two lines on the pregnancy test kit.

 

Click here to read about embarrassing preggy discomforts and physical changes in your preggy body.

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Read on about embarrassing preggy discomforts and physical changes in your preggy body.

 

Embarrassing preggy discomforts

Since anything from strong odors to movement can trigger  it, morning sickness can be an all day sickness. The dizziness and throwing up are at their worst in the mornings—hence, the mislabeling. Technically it is called nausea and vomiting of pregnancy (NVP). It affects 60 to 80 percent of expectant women and is most severe during the first trimester.

You may also experience other debilitating physical conditions, like constipation and urinary incontinence. Pregnant women suffer from constipation as “high levels of progesterone cause the muscles of the intestine to function far less efficiently than normal, resulting in dry, hard stools and infrequent bowel movements,” explains Douglas. As a blessing in disguise, the many  glasses of water I consumed to alleviate my morning sickness also eased my bowel movement.

Unfortunately, it didn’t keep me away from the frequent and uncontrollable peeing (a result of the growing fetus pressing down on my bladder). I would often leak a small amount when I coughed, sneezed, and especially when I laughed. A little giggle here, and out flows a little trickle of pee down there. This can also pose a problem when you’re trying on maternity undies since bending down can squeeze the bladder.

 

As your belly grows, so do your breasts, nose, worries, and woes

Though I relished the fact that my breasts moved up a full cup size by only the third month, I didn’t appreciate the spider veins, dark areolas, and stretch marks that came along with the change. My breasts throbbed and were ultra sensitive. Wearing silk felt like agony! I should have felt a bit of relief when my doctor explained that breasts grow and become tender as a result of developing mammary glands, but I only ended up thinking to myself, “Oh great, all this agony for the even more agonizing task of breastfeeding my baby.”

I didn’t like what I saw in the mirror, either—acne, a Shrek-like nose that wasn’t there before, and the chicken pox scar on my chin was becoming more prominent as the weeks passed on. According to pregnancy books I read, darkening of moles, freckles, and scars is natural, as are the other harmless but vexing changes I was experiencing. Because of hormonal secretions, the experts say. Yet as I soaked my swelling, water-retaining body in a warm tub, I felt nothing but abnormal.

Going into an emotional overdrive is also part of being pregnant and is often triggered by worries over how a baby will affect your relationship with your partner, whether you’ll be a good mother, or if you’ll be the same person as you were before the baby—physically, mentally, and emotionally. It really helps to talk about these feelings. “Your worries are not uncommon, Katie,” my mother assured me. “Soon they will subside and you’ll be embracing your pregnancy.” And true enough, my mood swings mellowed out and my negative feelings disappeared (…though they were replaced with a frenzied eagerness to clean the house spotless for the baby. That darned nesting instinct!)

 

Click here to read on about finding time for yourself in the midst of taking care of the family and tips from real moms.

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Read on about finding time for yourself in the midst of taking care of the family and tips from real moms.

 

With kids around, spare time becomes a luxury

Personal time will pass you by like a momentary glimpse once children are in the picture. “Family time” is my motto—and spreading it evenly among my kids (and husband!) has been the greatest challenge for me as a mother, so far. 

Every weekday I wake up at 5 a.m. to make sure the yaya prepared breakfast for my panganay. After the school bus picks him up at 6 a.m., I steal a 30-minute nap before getting ready for work. Before leaving for work, I pump and store milk for my baby then I put on a Barney DVD for my toddler (to distract her while I make my escape). When I get home, I check my son’s homework, carry my attention-hungry toddler in my arms, and with a free hand (or a foot), I rock the stroller back and forth to soothe my baby. Afterward, I eat dinner, play a little with the kids before putting them to bed, breastfeed the baby, then finally call it a day—by this time it’s already midnight, sometimes one o’clock…barely leaving me time for my husband, myself, and some well-needed, well-deserved rest.

Of course, after a stressful day of work, nothing is more relaxing than hearing my kids squeal, “Mama! Mama!” as soon as I open the front door. Three little pairs of eyes may remind me of lost personal time, but it definitely proves the strong personal bond I’ve formed with my kids. And that’s where the real reward of motherhood lies anyway.

 

Mommy tidbit:

“I waited three months before I had my first ultrasound. And I went alone. When the sonologist showed me the screen, what I saw brought me to tears: the baby was moving! Seeing the tiny round head and limbs shifting about, I knew that I was finally going to be a mother.”

­— Janneth Antid, age 27, entrepreneur, had two failed pregnancies before giving birth to a healthy baby boy

 

Mommy tidbit:

“My sense of smell became so acute that I could smell things others couldn’t, like a spicy aftershave my husband never put on or the next door neighbor’s garbage—all of which triggered a vomiting bout.”

 — Melisse Avellana-Baylosis, age 36, graphic artist, mother of three

 

Mommy tidbit:

“On the day of my delivery, I thought I was in the clear with no water retention, a normal sized nose, and white underarms and neck. A few weeks later, I viewed the pictures taken at the hospital. Woah! In each of the pictures I was in, all I saw was this nose staring back at me! Talk about manas. Apparently, bloating also occurs right after birth as the heart still provides extra blood supply for the baby that was once inside.”

—                  Cookie Pido, age 30, it consultant and capoeirista, mother of one

 

Photography by Chino Acosta