Is your first baby ready for another baby?

You look wistfully at your first born as she bids you goodbye for school.  You see your kumare, who just gave birth, holding her new baby in her arms, and all of a sudden you feel a pang of longing.

Before you go daydreaming, remember that the decision to have a second child does not solely rest on you and your partner alone this time. You also have to think about how it's going to affect your firstborn.


1. Preparing the big brother or sister
When you’re expecting, it's important to involve the older sibling in the developments of your pregnancy as much as possible. Talk to him and explain the changes your body is undergoing, the most obvious of which is your growing belly. Bring hem to your doctor's appointments and show him the ultrasound results. Make him feel excited about it and if he is old enough, ask him to express how he feels about having a younger sibling. This will not only keep him from feeling left out, it will also drive home the point that the arrival of the new family member is something to look forward to.


2. From bunso to doting sibling
When the baby gets home, it is expected that all members of the household and other visiting family and friends will have their eyes on the newcomer. Be careful not to neglect your firstborn; give him attention, too. Include him in conversations and let him welcome the baby in his own brotherly way. If you want to take it a step further, give him a task to give him a sense of responsibility; for example, ask him to sing a song for the baby or hand you the diaper during changing time. As long as he can feel that family members are treating him and his sibling the same way, and that he is given importance with his role as the family's new Ate or Kuya, he should not feel forgotten or out of place.

Click here to read more about preparing your firstborn for a baby brother or sister.

[previous|page|next]

3. Be ready for some (or a lot of) jelly
No matter how well you prepare your firstborn, it can't be helped that there will be times he will still feel jealous of the baby. He might not like it that the baby gets to be cuddled and carried all the time while you beg off when he asks you to pick him up. Another instance that may trigger jealousy is when, during the christening, all the gifts are for the baby. To appease him, tell him stories about how it was when he was still a baby himself. Show him his baby pictures and explain how at that time, he also had everyone wrapped around his finger. It is going to be tricky to make your toddler understand but you have to explain to him that Mom and Dad need to take extra care of the baby just until it is big enough to be on its own.


4. A promise of better days to come
Even parents have a difficult time engaging with their little ones when they are at that stage when all they do is eat, sleep and cry. Your firstborn will feel the same, especially when the baby’s eating, sleeping and crying disrupts his play time, nap time and family quality time. Talk to the bigger kid and let him know that the new baby will not stay small forever, and that just like him, it will also soon grow up and will become his friend and playmate.

Having a sibling is a joy, and as long as your little one is prepared emotionally, adjustment from being the family baby to being the eldest should be a wonderful and exciting time.


Photo from flickr.com