What to do when you are expecting twins

I am a happy but exhausted mother of two active boys. Nicolas is seven, while his brother Rafael is a two years old.  They require constant attention from changing Rafael’s diapers to helping Nicolas with school work.  Nicolas started big school this year and he delights me with our after-school conversations. Just the other day, Nicolas told me he wished he and his brother were the same age. Now this request would have been strange if I didn’t know he had two classmates who are twins. I must confess that the thought of having twins made me panic. The early months of babyhood is still fresh on my mind – the sleepless nights, round-the-clock feedings, and the early morning diaper changes. I do not know how I would have done it if I had twins. Would I sleep at all? How do moms of twins do it?

Expecting one baby is exciting and scary at the same time. Imagine how it feels if you’re expecting two babies?  Here are some things to consider when you prepare for life with twins.  


Before anything else
Are you ready financially? Check how much your medical insurance is covering from the hospital bills to shots and doctor visits. Create a budget from the crib to diapers.

Assess your home and see how it can accommodate two babies. These little wonders demand a lot of space. Can your car fit in two car seats or two yayas? And speaking of yayas, do you think you can do with one or do you need two? Will the twin stroller you fell in love with fit in the trunk?

All babies are unique individuals but they all share the same needs. Try to research as much as possible. Invest in books even if they’re targeted towards singletons like “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” and the “The Baby Book by Doctor Sears. For more specialized information, go to the book store and check their titles for raising twins.

A big must is to get a lot of rest since you won’t have a lot of time for quiet time or sleep when the babies arrive.

 

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Feeding: Is it possible to breastfeed?
Is it possible to breast feed at all? Breastfeeding takes total commitment and it is doubly challenging if you are feeding two. If you are determined to breastfeed, La Leche League is an excellent resource and they have a group in the Philippines. Joanne Zapanta-Andrada, mom of twins Kinny and Miguel, age twelve, and Peachy Guevara-Miller, mom of Matthew and Mira, age five, share their experiences with breastfeeding.

There is a lot of pressure to breastfeed but do not stress if it is not physically possible for you to do it. Zapanta-Andrada reveals, “I was a ‘human cow’ breastfeeding the twins. There were instances that I did not sleep for days which was NOT good. After the third month, I would interchange breast milk and formula. Politically-incorrect as this may sound, I do not have any issues using formula when my breast milk runs out. I have met breastfed children who grew up sickly and also have met formula-fed children who grew up perfectly healthy.”

Guevara-Miller says, “I nursed both babies for as long as I could. It lasted only five months, then my supply ran out. They have a twin nursing pillow which was bigger than the average nursing pillow. I fed them at the same time. With twins, scheduling is important or it's relentless!”

Kris and Ted Uy-Tioco, parents to five-year olds Zach and Nate, consider a Daily Flow Chart as MUST in their nursery. “You have to monitor their individual feeding, peeing, pooping and bathing. We once fed one boy twice and wondered why the second was crying.” A chalkboard or a whiteboard will help you get organized.

Before going to the hospital, be prepared with bottles, formula, sterilizer, bottle brushes and the other feeding paraphernalia just in case you cannot breastfeed or if your milk supply is low.

 

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Treating them as individuals
The National Organization of Mothers of Twins Clubs, Inc. (NOMTC) recommends treating your babies as individuals from the start. Avoid referring to them as the twins, call them by their names. Other people will follow your lead.

Another NOMTC suggestion is to take photographs of each child separately for the time when they ask for their respective pictures. Put the child's name on the back of his/her picture so that there is no confusion in later years. If you do not have time to make a baby album, get two memento boxes where you can keep all their keepsakes in their respective boxes.

The Uy-Tiocos suggest doing things separately with each twin when possible.  They would also split them up on errands: one with Daddy, one with Mommy.

Zapanta-Andrada recognizes her children’s unique personalities by having lots of one-on-one time with them and adjusting her conversations based on their interests, which differ. Although they are both artists, one is inclined towards animation and the other in fashion and so they have very different instructors.

In Guevara-Miller’s case, she admits, “It was hard to foster individuality in the beginning. They both had the same basic needs but their personalities shone through almost immediately. When they got a little older it was easier because they showed their different interests. Being boy/girl twins, Matthew gravitated towards sports, and Mira expressed a lot of interest in the piano and gymnastics.”

 

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Sharing vs. Possession
Even with singletons, sharing is difficult to teach. The book “Twins Sense” has an excellent chapter on sharing. First, lay the groundwork and teach the kids the concept of sharing either by example (“See, mommy shares a room with daddy”) or in children’s books. Second, make it easy for them to share by having identical toys, and encouraging the sharing of big toys like play kitchens and puppet theaters.

 In the Uy-Tiocos’ case, “They (Zach and Nate) generally share toys except for their "lovie" or comfort blanket toy.  Clothes are generally shared although now we try to assign them specific clothes.  Color choices came naturally, Zach is exclusively green.  Nate is generally mostly yellow, orange & blue.”

Gueevara-Miller agrees, “The best way for me to teach them to share is to buy one of something. I rarely buy two of anything unless it is gender-specific or things they need to use at the same time, e.g. bikes. From the time when they were still babies, we would practice taking turns. Of course they still fight over things, so we sometimes put a timer on. If they fight over a ball, for example, we play catch instead so they can throw it back to each other and this way they both get to play with it.

For her twelve-year-olds, Zapanta-Andrada says, “The boys have toys and games that they share, like big console games, and they also have their own items. The twins have their own individual stuffed toy families. As parents my husband and I were firm about what they could have individually and what they had to share. Whining and complaining would get them nowhere so they had to resign themselves to what was decided. Fortunately, they are each other’s best friend and favorite playmate so sharing has not been a big problem in our home.  

Joan Friedman, author of Emotionally Healthy Twins, cautions that there can be too much sharing required for twins that can interfere with the children’s ability to develop their own individuality.  “Just like singletons, they are entitled to their own time with mom or dad, their own friends, their own experiences, and their own things. Since twins are called upon to share everything from their toys to their parents' attention, it is important for twins to learn not to share all the time. Singletons take this proprietary sense for granted, and as parents of twins, we need to provide our children with opportunities to experience this feeling of ownership as well.” In practical terms, this means labeling toys and clothes for each child so they know what belongs to them. This will help promote a sense of ownership and individuality.

 

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Should they be in the same classroom?
Kristine Canon, Directress of Create and Learning Paths School says, “There is nothing wrong with the twins being together in class.  It's just healthier and good for self-esteem that they have different experiences.”  She further adds, “Being together in class is not a deterrent for their development and growth.”  Age also plays an important role. At age four and below, twins can be together in class since they are not yet conscious about their identity. At five and older, it is more advisable to be in different classes.

For five year old Zach and Nate, their parents decided on separate classes. “It is impossible for them to focus if they are in the same room.” Guevara-Miller agrees, “This is the best way to find themselves! If we as adults are  together with someone too much, I imagine kids feel the same way. It's really great! At the end of the day, they have so much more to talk about with each other. They compare activities. I love listening to their conversations. They actually are really excited to see each other at the end of the day and the talking doesn't stop!”

Zapanta-Andrada doesn’t think having them together in one class is a problem. “The twins have ADHD and are home-schooled. Neither child tries to upstage the other. In the afternoons, they have their own activities where their individuality can shine. Miguel has his animation class and Kinny has his fashion illustration class. They have their own friends as well as common ones. These individual friends have been cultivated by their participation in the animation and fashion worlds.”

One compelling argument for placing twins in the same classroom is the special bond they share. Twin Services, a non-profit organization serving families of twins and multiples elaborate, “Twins and triplets just starting school usually benefit from the social support they give each other when they are in the same room. They seem to find it easy to engage in different activities when they have the option of being together. When they are forced to separate into different classrooms, they get the message that there is something wrong about being a twin or a triplet. They may suffer emotional stress from worry about their absent co-twin(s) and find it difficult or impossible to do their school work.”

Before deciding the same or separate classrooms for your twins, Pamela Prindle Fierro, author of Everything Twins, Triplets and More suggests getting input from other parents of multiples, their future teachers, and your twins. Finally, Fierro says, “Listen to your heart, you know your children best.”  

 

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Will I have time for myself?
Here in the Philippines, it’s easier to get help from your extended family and domestic household. However, organization and preparation will also give you more time for yourself. Put the babies on a schedule. Organize your nursery where everything is in its proper place.

Zapanta-Andrada says, “I look at them as two sons that just happened to be born on the same day so my experience with dividing my time would be just the same as that of a mother of 2. And yes, it is very possible provided you make every moment count. Ultimately, what a child wants is to know that he/she is greatly, completely and irrevocably loved.”



Double the trouble, double the love
Having twins is doubly challenging but there is also a flipside to this.

The Uy-Tiocos say, “Double the fun” as they observe the similarities of their kids.

Guevara Miller shares, “You get double the love, double the joy! It was the best when they started interacting with each other. Who could resist it when you get a sandwich-hug from your twins? I love that there are more cheeks to kiss at night.”

Zapanta- Andrada enthuses, “I love having twins so much that I honestly can't even remember the ‘double the trouble’ part. I am sure there have been instances when the latter saying was true, but the joy by far outweighs the trouble. I am so blessed indeed to have twins!”


Resources:
•    Twin Sense by Dagmara Scalise
•    Double Duty by Christina Tinglof
•    Twin 101 by Khanh-Van Le-Bucklin


Useful Websites:
•    www.nomotc.org The National Organization of Mothers of Twins Clubs, Inc. is a non-profit organization dedicated to supporting families of multiple birth children through education, research and networking.
•    www.tamba.org.uk Twins and Multiple Births Association is a UK-based charity set up by parents and professionals to help face the challenge that multiple births families face.
•    www.twinsmagazine.com Provides information on twins, triplets and higher order multiples. Publishes eight times a year but requires a subscription to access all the articles.
•    www.twinservices.org Resource on the care and development of multiples published by an independent non-profit organization. Provides a Twin Care Handout Collection for parents in the US
•    www.raising-twins.com Published by a mother of twins who wants to provide information, support, encourage and advice to parents and grandparents of twins.  
•    www.llli.org The official website of La Leche League International that supports mothers who want to breastfeed by providing information and support groups around the world.



Photo from flickr.com