“Sex during pregnancy?” you ask. “Yes, please!” we say.
Why not? “Medically speaking, you can keep doing it right up until your water breaks,” said Dr. Philip S. Chua, from the Cebu Doctors’ Hospital.
The few exceptions are when you are experiencing bleeding, have pregnancy complications, or have a history of miscarriage or preterm labor. But aside from these conditions, “[a pregnant woman] can have sex as many times as she and her husband desire,” Dr. Chua assures.
Isn’t that great news?
“But I feel tired all the time,” we groan. “I’m nauseous from the moment I wake up until I go to bed at night.” “I look like a bloated elephant. My sexy lingerie don’t even fit me anymore.”
That’s true for almost all of us who have ever been pregnant. Nevertheless some moms say that sex during pregnancy is one of the best kinds there is. A few of these moms tell us why:
1. “We don't have to worry about me getting pregnant since I already am.” – Michelle Padrelanan, mother of 5
One major stressor for a lot of women during sex is the fear that it will result in pregnancy.
This is a fear ingrained in recent generations, thanks to unrelenting societal conditioning. Such deeply inflicted beliefs are not easy to escape from, despite all reason or faith.
And so today, regardless of how comfortable or affluent we may be, we are still unable to let go of that anxiety that we are not sufficiently equipped to raise one more life in this world. We constantly worry, especially during sex, “Am I fertile today? Will I ovulate soon? Will the contraceptive work? Will my period come when it’s supposed to?”
Ah, but when we’re already pregnant, the weight of that fear simply falls off. Vive la liberté! We can have sex any day, every day, with no calendars or basal thermometers or cervical mucus to check, no artificial contraceptives to take or put on.
In Michelle’s words, “There is no holding back.” For the next few months, we are free to indulge unlimitedly in sex with our husband.
Imagine how absolutely liberating (and sexy) that feels.
2. “It makes me feel good to know that my husband still finds me attractive even when I’m so big.” – Roxi Santiago, mom of 1 (soon to be 2)
It’s easy to feel attractive when we have a 36-26-36 body (or somewhere around that range). It’s a different story altogether when our waist swells bigger than our hips, and our tummy protrudes farther than our breasts.
“What will my husband think of me now?” we ask ourselves. “Will your husband still love you?” the evil voices in our heads whisper.
And then our husband reaches out for us with a twinkle in his eyes and fire in his touch. He wants us, and not just because we look like some teenage model in a swimsuit magazine. Yes, we could still model for a beach magazine – as a lifeboat -- and yet, we are wanted.
Oh, if only men understood what a powerful feminine aphrodisiac that is, when a woman feels sincerely desired even as she feels completely undesirable! While even the shapeliest Eve can feel frigid if she feels that her man’s appreciation for her is only skin deep, even the most shapeless Horton’s Mom can feel like a hot seductress when she feels her man loves her for herself.
On the other hand, maybe we are not as undesirable as we think we are during pregnancy. After all, these nine months do bring some cosmetic advantages, as our next mom attests.
3. “I feel even more feminine and womanly while my body is undergoing [pregnancy’s] changes.” – Martine de Luna, mom of 1, going on 2
“I think the enlarged boobs and glowing skin have something to do with it,” Martine says. “My husband also finds me ‘extra cute’ when I’m pregnant, and he tells me so, which I find adorable, so I guess I reciprocate”.
During pregnancy, our body begins changing to take care of our baby not just while our baby is growing inside of us but even after it is born.
To support the baby in utero, our body increases our blood supply, indirectly causing the lovely rosy glow that is often seen among pregnant women.
Our breasts, on the other hand, are preparing to produce milk for our baby, resulting in our breasts becoming bigger and fuller, so we look more curvaceous than ever.
And pregnancy does not only change us – at times, it changes our husbands as well!
4. “[My husband] doesn't coax me into anything if I don't feel like going all the way. He gets intimate up to where I feel comfortable, which is a turn-on!” – name withheld
Pregnant sex tends to be more gentle than non-pregnant sex, for somewhat obvious reasons. With a baby to think of, our husbands tend to become more considerate, more tender during lovemaking.
Now some men are naturally gentle and considerate, but there are also many whose tender side only comes out when their wife is pregnant.
While “mad, wild sex” is great (thanks for the description, Mommy Michelle!), gentle and tender sex can also be a welcome change.
Can I Take a Rain Check? As special as pregnant sex is, that doesn’t mean it’s necessarily more frequent, or that we would want it more.
Even our interviewees admit that sex during pregnancy also has its drawbacks and limitations. Roxi talks about being “so uncomfortable in this completely different form of my body,” while Martine describes times when she feels she may be holding back, “like when nausea occurs during the 1st trimester.”
So if you don’t feel like having sex a lot (or at all) when you’re pregnant, know that you’re not alone. Loss of sexual desire is totally understandable, especially when our “morning sickness” lasts all day, or when it extends all the way to the third trimester.
Just don’t close yourself to the possibility of physical intimacy with your husband during this very special time. It may take a little more coaxing from him, a little more time for you, but don’t push him away outright.
Instead, take a hot shower, have a relaxing cup of weak tea, and suggest a gentle back rub. After that, who knows? You and your husband may discover for yourselves why people say sex during pregnancy can be the most special kind there is!