Household Hullaballoo: How to Deal with a Yaya Vs. Maid Showdown

Having household help sure takes a big load off your shoulders. A few extra pairs of hands when it comes to keeping house and caring for your little ones are much appreciated—your maid and yaya truly are heaven sent.  

But what happens when your helpers become the source of conflict in the household? What if your helpers are the ones involved in their own fight? Whether it’s about who gets the day off or who picks up in the living room or even about their personal problems, you must keep everything under control before it affects the rest of the family.


The day-off dilemma
Before you decide to hire help, you must sit with her and give her a thorough explanation about her employment in your household.

Vicky Cantada, senior counselor of Center for Family Ministries (CeFAM) at the Ateneo de Manila University in Quezon City says, “The employer should be the one declaring the day off to avoid conflict. Like once or twice a month, Saturday or Sunday, alternate or not.” However, scenarios of your maid and your yaya needing the same day off are unavoidable circumstances. “Take consideration. Ask one if it’s okay if the other takes the off. If hindi okay, then it’s an indication that the other is difficult and they should settle it themselves,” Cantada adds.

Liza Claudal Lamzon, mom to Diego, Lucas and Paco, says, “In my house, it’s usually whoever asks for it first that gets the day off. But if the person who asks second has a more important reason, like a health emergency, I’ll ask the one who asked first if she is willing to swap days off.”

As the head of the household, it is then up to you to grant the request of your help. Remember to always be just and give a fair assessment before making a decision.


Who’s the boss?
Sometimes, it can’t be helped that you will have a helper who will decide to step up and assume the lead role, most especially when the tenure of this particular maid or yaya has lasted for years. But unless you have established that that one maid or yaya is indeed above everyone else when it comes to ranking, she doesn’t have the right to take charge. “Put her in place because there is only one boss and that’s you. Sometimes, they don’t have the right manner of speaking that’s why they sound bossy. Make her realize how she sounds,” Cantada advises.

 

Click here to read more about how to establish yourself as the employer to your helper and how to handle a tattle-tale yaya.

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Read on to learn more about how to establish yourself as the employer to your helper and how to handle a tattle-tale yaya.

 

A scenario like this can make you think twice about how you manage your staff. Cecile Narvaez Hufana, mom to Bea, Rufino and Bubba, shares a story about a bossy maid: “She would act as if she was the boss of the rest of my staff. Naturally, they felt some resentment towards her, especially because they pretty much had the same jobs, anyway. At first, I let them sort it out by themselves and even reprimanded the bossy maid, reminding her that my instructions were to be followed and not hers. But when I sensed that she wouldn’t change her ways—which affected the rest of my staff— I decided to let her go. For me, thinking about the sake of the majority of the staff was better.”

It is your discretion whether or not it is time to let an employee go. Keep in mind that one person can affect everyone else. If your staff is troubled by a bossy member, then do the right thing and give importance to those who remain reliable and competent workers.


Tattle-tale yaya
You hate to admit it, but sometimes you can’t always be on top of things in your household, which is why you’re grateful for the information your help shares with you at the end of the day. But there’s a fine line between reporting the day’s events and giving the lowdown on the activities of every member of the household staff. What to do when yaya is a sumbungera and starts saying unpleasant things about the rest of the help? Here’s what Irene del Castillo Kainama, mom to Adie, 1, says, “It’s good to know what happens at home. Pero it can lead to conflict among the house help, which you’ll eventually have to fix. In the end, it’s all a disadvantage—if they get jealous of each other, everything they do might come off as negative.” Cantada agrees, “It’s not good for the staff. Listen to what she has to say about the other maid or yaya, but don’t feed on it. Verify first and observe. Then if what she says is right, then you can tell the other maid, ‘Napapansin ko na hindi mo na ginagawa ang trabaho mo,’ but dont reveal your source.”
Lamzon adds, “I’ve learned to take things with a grain of salt. I don’t believe everything I hear;
I do my own investigation. Also, I don’t encourage it, and I make the sumbungera know it doesn’t work with me. They know I want them to do their jobs and to do it well.”


Sticky fingers
Like it or not, temptation in the household will arise, especially when it comes to one’s personal belongings. Instances of borrowing without permission and stealing may occur between two members of your staff. One thing you must remember is that “Prevention is key,” says Lamzon. “I bought them cabinets with keys so they have their own safe place for things that are valuable to them. I give them their own personal supplies, too, so they don’t need to share and blame each other for consuming them.”
Remember that even if they live and work for you, your household members own cherished items, too, which they acquired through their hard work. Because of this, Kainama reminds all moms to “pay all of them on time kasi money is really a big issue for most of them.” She adds, “If money does become an issue, you have to allow them to settle that on their own. If my maid steals money from my yaya and it was proven, then it is important that she must be paid back first before any action is taken on my part.”
“Emphasize honesty and that you don’t like stealing. Put this as part of your expectations,” says Cantada. “The one na nakawan should report it to the employer. And the employer will be the one to give the warning. If it happens again, then let go.”

 

Click here to learn how to deal with conflict on responsibilities and chores.

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Read on to learn how to deal with conflict on responsibilities and chores.

 

Pointing fingers
Lamzon and Kainama agree that before anything else, you must make sure that your household staff members know exactly what their responsibilities are to avoid conflict. Both suggest that anything related to the kids should be taken care of by the yaya—even if it means picking up the mess in the living room after playtime.

Of course, there’s nothing wrong with household members helping each other out when it comes to chores. “But you need to spell out your expectations,” says Cantada. “You can say, ‘Yaya, yung mga laruan, ikaw ang magligpit kasi binabantayan mo siya. Ikaw rin ang magligpit nung pinagkainan niya.’ Initially, you must have an idea of the scope of work of each one. But there are instances like this where you need to address it at the moment. It’s a learning moment.”


When and how to let go?
While it is ideal that at the onset, you create means to prevent these situations from arising, remember that each additional household help has her own personality and attitude towards work. Hufana suggests that if both your yaya and your maid are difficult and their fight has gotten out of hand, it would be best to let them both go. “When it comes to conflict, both parties are responsible; it’s not just one person’s fault. If one remains, then she may have the same problem with another employee.”

Mark Flores, dad to Gib, offers a different perspective on the matter. “It’s more difficult to find a yaya than a maid. You can train someone to manage your household to your preference, but finding a yaya whom your child is comfortable with isn’t as easy.”

Depending on the severity of the problem, just be honest, says Cantada. You can simply say, “‘You’re not doing your job, or you stole and I can’t trust you.’ But remember to give a warning first. You want a house to run smoothly, and you have to address what she’s going through on a personal note.”
There are many factors to consider when members of your household help are caught in conflict, but the most important thing to keep in mind is how this can affect their work and your loved ones. So if you notice that your maid or yaya is no longer doing her job, then you will truly have to think about your next step.

 

Click here for some reminders to you as employer.

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Read on for some reminders to you as employer.

 

Reminders for the employer
Cantada says you can’t really cultivate camaraderie. But “if they focus on their jobs, they will get along with each other. No one should be pabida-bida.” Constantly remind your staff to focus on their work and treat them as fairly as you can. “If you have a favorite, don’t spell it out. Know how to balance praise so she doesn’t become the one na kinaiinisan ng iba,” she adds.

Misbehavior is caused by someone who does not feel important or needed.Cantada further adds, “They misbehave kasi nagpapapansin. If you want to reduce the conflict, you have to affirm them specifically, like ‘You cleaned my room nicely today, or ‘Nabihisan mo kaagad yung anak ko’ even if she’s been doing the chore over and over again.  

Sometimes, you might get upset because your household staff may not understand what you are saying, leaving you frustrated. You have to watch how you speak to them.

“If you get upset, you can’t get the message across and they will just focus on your being upset. What’s important is the manner of speaking so they can capture the message,” she advises.  


Photo from sxc.hu


SOURCES:
•    Vicky Cantada, senior counselor, Center of Family Ministries (CEFAM), Ateneo de Manila University, Quezon City
•    THE CENTER FOR FAMILY MINISTRIES (CEFAM) is a ministry undertaken by the Society of Jesus and its lay partners. CeFam seeks to promote family well-being, healing, and growth. Their services include counseling for individuals, couples, and families; marriage preparation (CANA) and parenting seminars; academic programs and trainings for persons engaged in pastoral care of couples and families. Contact CEFAM at 426-4289 up to 92 or cefam@admu.edu.ph. You may also visit their website www.ateneo.edu/cefam