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'I'm A Bullied Husband, Really Bullied. Verbally And Mentally Abused'
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  • We’re used to getting #SPconfession submissions from moms, but it’s rare to hear from dads until this letter, sent anonymously, came along.

    If you have something to say or have an opinion after reading this, share in the comments (keep it clean, people) or drop us a message on our Facebook Messenger.

    Want to share your journey as a husband, wife, mom, or dad? Email it at smartparentingsubmissions@gmail.com with the subject "SP confession."

    We always talk about bullied husbands, and some even make a joke about it. How husbands make mistakes when buying groceries, forgetting things, or not doing household chores, failing to do errands for the wife and the family.

    But being a husband myself, I can safely say that I am a bullied husband. Not bullied by the mundane things mentioned above. But really bullied. Verbally and mentally abused.

    I am in my mid-40s and have been married for seven years, and have a 6-year-old girl. I run a successful business while at the same time, work for the family conglomerate.

    I am in a marriage that I no longer know or understand. I am continuously made to feel inadequate, have been called names, and shouted and cursed. I have been told that whatever I have given is not enough.

    I once thought it was just birthing pains in any marriage, or perhaps my wife just had some hormonal imbalance due to her monthly visitor. But as the years passed, I knew it had to be something else.

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    I took it all the verbal and mental abuse — the hurtful words. I once made the mistake of talking to my in-laws, hoping that it would shed some light on the situation, and hoping, albeit misguidedly, that they would speak to their daughter.

    I didn’t do that, so they would take my side. I just felt helpless. I have resisted the urge to talk to my own parents because I know that they would destroy my wife, given our position in society and knowing my parents.

    Suffice to say, talking to my in-laws backfired. My wife found out, and the tables were turned — I was made to be the bad person. My wife didn’t realize her faults. Since then, I have learned to keep it all to myself, but all this has been eating me alive.

    What is it with women? It’s always a “damn if you do, damn if you don’t” situation. Whatever suggestions or solution you offer, it’s still not good enough. They continuously blame you for things beyond your control, or even if they are within your control, they still find a reason to blame you otherwise.

    You are told the family doesn’t seem to be your priority when you have done nothing but bend over backward. I hardly get any sleep just to provide food on the table.

    I’m not sure if it is the same for other wives, but for mine, she uses all the past mistakes and my shortcomings to destroy my very being. Words, as they say, is mightier than the sword. This I am well aware of.

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    I guess what I’m trying to say is while society talks about abused wives and wives who are relegated by their husbands as someone who just cooks, cleans, and takes care of the kids, it’s about time for society to take time and acknowledge that it’s not always the case.

    It’s not always the husband who is at fault. The concept of bullied husbands is a real thing, beyond the jokes and mundane matters that women and the media only focus on.

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