Parents Speak Out On Divorce, ‘Make It Accessible’

As the Philippines inches closer to legalizing divorce, it remains to be a contentious issue among Filipinos. Passionate arguments on both sides have been aired and posted on social media, including from members of the Smart Parenting Village, a community of over 100,000 parents. So what exactly do Filipino couples and parents think about divorce? We have rounded up the main points from both sides and here are some of them:

Arguments in favor of divorce

Addressing abuse and neglect

Many parents argue that divorce can provide an escape from abusive and neglectful relationships. The protection it could offer to victims is a recurring theme that can be seen in several comments:

“Yes! For the grounds of: Physical and emotional abuse, and neglect.”

“Yes for those people who need it most. Galing sa abusive relationships, matagal nang hiwalay (kasama na ang mga biktima ng mga paniniwala noon na kapag nabuntis eh dapat ipakasal na tapos hiwalay din agad).”

“Yes, give chance to those who need it, niloko, inabuse, etc. Sabi nga ni Sen. Risa, ‘If you don’t want divorce, then don’t get one.’”

“Yes, especially if may emotional, physical, and mental abuse, or for those na may history ng abuse and trauma.”

“Yes, grounds should strongly be based on physical and emotional abuse, and having a dysfunctional head of the family that could lead to trauma and stress for the other partner and their children.”

Accessibility and fairness

Some parents emphasize that the option we currently do have–annulment–remains inaccessible to the majority due to financial constraints. They hope divorce could provide an accessible option for all, not just for the wealthy few.

“Yes. May annulment para sa mga may pangbayad, so para fair dapat may divorce para sa mga hindi afford ang annulment.”

“Yes, pero please make it accessible sa mga middle class and poor.”

“Yes, pero sana mas affordable. Sana may libreng proseso para sa mga mahihirap na mamamayan na nagtitiis sa mga asawang abusado, basagulero, walang ambag sa bahay, walang future. Yung tipong nabuntis lang kaya need ipakasal.”

Respecting individual needs

Many parents express the sentiment that divorce should be available for those who need it, without imposing it on everyone.

“If you don’t need divorce, then give it to the people who need it the most. It is still the choice of the person if magpapa-divorce or not. Walang namimilit magpa-divorce ang lahat if ma-approve ito.”

“Yes, may grounds for divorce naman so it’s not as if it will be an easy process. There are people who need it. If it’s not for you then don’t get one. Huwag natin alisin ang karapatan na ito para sa ibang nangangailangan.”

“Yes. As a Catholic, I wouldn’t get a divorce. But that doesn’t mean I should take the choice away from others who are not Catholic.”

Legal and emotional relief

Parents highlight the potential for divorce to offer a structured and peaceful separation, which could be beneficial for all involved.

“Divorce allows an easier separation for both parties. Instead of husbands and wives hiding or trying to run away from difficult relationships, it will give both of them a chance to end it peacefully and in a civil manner.”

“Baka if may divorce noong panahon na gusto nang maghiwalay ng parents ko, baka mas naging maayos at madali ang paghihiwalay nila at pwedeng parehas ko silang nakasama paglaki kahit na magkahiwalay na sila.”

“Yes, my parents got an annulment and as witness to the whole process, I have to say that divorce would have made more sense and offered more protections for the children.”

Protection from toxic relationships

At the same time, there’s a strong call to protect individuals from toxic marriages while maintaining the sanctity of marriage for those who value it.

“Yes, preserve the sanctity of marriage but don’t let marriage protect the abusive partners. Bigyan natin ng chance maging masaya ang mga nasa abusive marriage.”

Freedom and second chances

The belief in second chances and pursuit of happiness also motivates support for divorce.

“Yes! Everyone deserves another chance to find their happily ever after.”

“Yes, it’s about time. Kawawa ang mga nasa abusive relationship at inabandona. Then nakahanap ng lifetime partner pero hindi kaya maging legal dahil walang kakayahan makakuha ng annulment or worse, denied ang petition for annulment. Wala kang dapat ikatakot kung secured ang marriage mo.”

Ensuring legal protections

Some parents emphasize the need for a legal framework that protects and supports individuals seeking to escape harmful marriages.

“Yes, hindi naman magiging madali ang divorce dito. Ang intindi ko ang grounds is may physical or emotional abuse or kapabayaan, and you have to prove it. Hindi siya escape ng mga kumekerengkeng o nagbago ang isip.”

“Yes to divorce unconditionally, people make mistakes and when they learn them, they should be able to start over again with a new life.”

Arguments against divorce

Impact on children

A significant concern among parents against divorce is the possible negative impact divorce might have on children, fearing it will lead to more broken families.

“No. No child deserves to experience the same experience I’ve had. No child deserves to be fatherless and motherless. Divorce will not end broken families.”

“No child deserves a broken home. Divorce is not pro-child. It is rooted in unforgiveness, selfish desires, immaturity, pain, and brokenness.”

“Who’s child will say that they are proud that they don’t have a complete set of parents? Divorce is an easy access of the evil ones to destroy a family.”

Moral and religious beliefs

For many, religious convictions play a critical role in their opposition of divorce. They believe it undermines the sacred nature of marriage.

“A big NO! Unang una, nasa Bibliya yan. Walang tao ang makakapaghiwalay sa pinag-isa ng Diyos, tanging kamatayan lang.”

“As a Catholic, I oppose the divorce bill in the Philippines because it contradicts the sacred and indissoluble nature of marriage as taught by the Church.”

“No to divorce. Future generations and society will suffer. It will instantly lower the quality of marriages.”

Preservation of family

Some parents argue that divorce encourages people to give up on marriage rather than working through their issues, potentially leading to a society with weakened family bonds.

“Divorce is the strongest license to hide or run away from marriage difficulties when a husband and wife should face and resolve them together.”

“Divorce will not bring peace. It will bring more chaos and the root issues of a failing marriage will never be addressed. It will only result in more failed marriages.”

Middle ground

On the other hand, some parents find themselves torn, recognizing both the potential benefits and the risks of legalizing divorce.

“50/50 ako. Kasi una mas malakas loob na maghiwalayan ng mabilis kasi mas madali na compared to annulment. Baka yung iba, konting away lang, mag-file na agad ng divorce, kaya baka mas dumami ang broken families.”

“Hindi ba may legal separation naman? Ang difference lang naman yata is hindi ka makakapag-asawa ulit kapag legal separation.”

All the debate and insights over divorce highlight the fact that divorce in the Philippines is complex, reflecting deep personal experiences and diverse moral, religious, and practical considerations. While some parents see it as a necessary means to protect and empower individuals trapped in harmful marriages, others worry about its impact on children and society.

Read here to learn the difference between divorce, annulment, legal separation, and nullity of marriage.