Distance Is Nothing! Lawyer Mom Shares Her Bar Journey With Supportive Seaman Husband

In a world that is full of hurt and dishonesty, this couple's story shows how genuine kindness and selfless love trumps all evil. It is a testament to how love can withstand the test of time, distance, and failures.

Atty. Charley Marie De Lara - San Juan from Rizal shared to Smart Parenting her bar journey, with the hopes of inspiring wives and husbands to support each other, in her words, "no matter how big or small the goal is."

"Appreciation post ito sa marino kong naging sandalan ko sa buong law school at bar journey ko. Sagot rin ito sa lahat ng nagtatanong kung bakit bigla kong pinalitan ang apelyido ko from De Lara to San Juan when I took the bar exams."

Atty. Chay shares, she has been with her partner, who works as a seaman, for 19 years. Their love story spans from college to law school, to the dreaded bar journey.

'Lagi kaming LDR'

"I am an alpha female , meaning mas malakas ang personality ko sa marino ko. Siya kasi yung tipong tahimik, mabait, sobrang haba ng pasensya at family man siya talaga. Pero siya ang sandalan ko sa lahat ng hirap at failed attempts ko sa pag-abot sa mga pangarap ko, lalo sa pag-aabogasya ko. And it makes me cry how he was so supportive of all I wanted in life," she said.

"Law school days ko, we were still boyfriend and girlfriend stage then and most of the time, gaya ng karamihan na seaman ang boyfriend, lagi kaming LDR. But that did not hinder him from being my fortress. When I decided to enter law school , sinabi agad niya, “I will support you kahit ano pa ang gusto mo, pag naging abogado ka na, hindi mo ako kailangang lingunin basta masaya ako kung anong marating mo.”

What Atty. Chay appreciated most about her boyfriend, was his genuine kindness and love for their relationship.

"Naiintindihan niya na hindi kami palaging nakakapag-chat or text or video call kasi super busy ako sa work at law school. Never kong narinig sa kanya na nagreklamo siya na wala akong time sa kanya."

Being in law school, Atty. Chay was grateful that she can count on her boyfriend even for the things that she didn't ask for.

"He volunteered to sponsor all my expensive books and even asked if I wanted to build my own mini law library. Take note that I earn my own money enough to buy my own stuff pero nagpapaaral rin kasi ako noon ng mga kapatid, so iniinsist niya that I accept his help. Wala rin pong kapalit yun, hindi ko narinig sa kanya na “o pag uwi ko ha alam mo na.”

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'My failures don't define me'

She cannot believe that such a man exists in this day and age, so she persevered.

"There was a time na graduating na ako noon sa law school and I failed 2 subjects. Sabi niya “Kunin mo nalang uli yung mga failed subjects mo, kayang kaya yan, pagsubok lang yan, ngayon ka pa ba susuko, malapit na tayo sa finish line, o.”

She said, "He always reminds me that my failures do not define me, but my courage to move on and fight again will."

READ ALSO: He Flunked LSAT But Parents' Unwavering Love Fueled Him To Pass The Bar

Finally, when Atty. Chay graduated from law school, her boyfriend was overjoyed. But the end of law school was just the beginning of her bar journey.

"Eto na ang dreaded part sa pag-aabogado. Mag-ba-bar exam na ako. It was 2014 when I first took the bar. We had a heart-to-heart talk na hindi ko na kakayanin mag-work habang nag-re-review. Hindi pa ako tapos magsalita nag-sabi agad siya, “Ako na bahala sa bayad ng dorm mo, mga review materials mo, sa bayad sa review center at sa everyday gastos mo, yung naipon mo itabi mo para pag may kailangan sina mama at papa mo yan ang itulong mo.” 

Again, she's in awe of how supportive her boyfriend was. And it pushed her to give her best. 

"Di ko alam kung maiiyak ako o ano basta nagpasalamat ako sa Panginoon ko for sending this angel to me. Kahit nasa kalupaan siya noong bar review ko hindi niya ako niyaya lumabas basta focus lang daw ako. Nagdadala pa yan ng mga fruits , food at groceries ko."

She adds, "He always reminded me to eat properly, stay away from junk food, sleep well, and focus."

Then, when the bar results came out, her name was not on the list.

"Siya yung unang yumakap sa akin dahil siya yung kasama ko noong day ng result. Di siya masyadong nag-usisa basta andoon lang siya para sa sa akin. Tahimik siya. But that was just what I needed."

'My elusive, ambitious dream'

Not passing the bar on her first take shook Atty. Chay.

"Since then I decided not to continue the dream, my elusive and ambitious dream. Pero yung marino ko, every year from 2015, lagi niya akong tinatanong kung ready na ba ako uli at sinasabi niya sa sakin, “whenever you are ready, sabihan mo ako kasi lagi akong ready na suportahan ka kung gusto mong magreview uli at kumuha ng bar."

She adds, "But I always tell him, no, not yet, I am not ready."

They got married in 2015. She then focused on their child, and started a business. Her husband supported him through and through.

Then came 2019, he asked her again, “Do you want to take the bar this year? Kasi Hon, tumatanda na tayo, kung hindi ka magta-try sure ako magsisi ka pagtanda natin dahil sinukuan mo agad yung pangarap mo. Mas masaya ako kung makita kong nakarating kana sa pangarap mo." 

Bar exams and pandemic

So Atty. Chai decided to take it. But the Covid-19 pandemic didn't help.

"Reviewing and taking the bar on a pandemic setting is not a walk in the park, it was an extra challenge," she said.

"But my marino made it all worthwhile. Lahat na ata ng makakapag-comfort sa akin ginawa niya - from making me a new mini library to making me my own coffee station for my endless, long and tiring study periods. Lagi yang may pa-meryenda, midnight snack, brunch at little talks in between my rest periods with matching masahe sa likod. Siya lahat pag nasa lupa siya. Superman ang peg niya. Laba, luto, linis, tingin sa bata, repair ng house, at tagaligpit ng lamesa ko pagtapos na ako mag study."

She said, this second shot at the bar made her love him more. "Kitang-kita ko sa kanya ang lahat ng suporta na kailangan ko during the times that I really needed it. Ayaw niya akong pagawain sa bahay basta focus lang daw ako sa review."

And she thought she's seen it all until a few months before the bar.

His turn

"Two months before the bar, bumaba na siya ulit for vacation. Nakikita ko sa mga emails niya from office, sa GC nila sa barko at yung naririnig kong tawag from office asking him to take another licensure exam, talagang pinag-eexam na siya for promotion uli sa barko. His superiors find him the best fit for the role, as a second engineer. Ang paulit-ulit niyang reply was, “Ayaw ko muna magpapromote, hindi pa ako ready,” or “Next time nalang, hanap nalang po kayo ng iba, Ma'am.”

"The reason being that he did not take the promotion was, mag ba-bar kasi ako at bawal lumabas ang any member of my household because Im on a strict home isolation. He said, “Next time nalang ako mag-eexam, papaunahin muna kita, marami pa naman promotions in the future.” 

And on April 12, 2022, the bar exam results are out. "Nakasampa na siya [sa barko] pero hindi siya nakatulog kakahintay sa announcement ng mga pumasa. Kabado daw siya 2 days palang bago ang results. Mas kabado siya sa akin."

"Atty. Charley Marie De Lara - San Juan, bar passer 6935!"

She said, "Grabe yung tuwa ni Marino! Parang siya yung pumasa! Gumawa pa siya ng congratulations banner sa barko kakunchaba mga kasama niyang Egyptian."

 

Showing appreciation

Atty. Chay revealed that she didn't want to change her last name. But because of her husband's love and support, it became so easy to change her mind.

"Ang daming nagtatanong na friends ko kung bakit apelyido niya ang dinala ko sa bar at iyon na rin ang dadalhin kong last name as a lawyer, kasi sinabi ko in the past na never akong magchange ng last name, gusto kong i-keep yung sarili kong identity."

READ ALSO: It's Legal To Keep Your Maiden Name After Marriage: Will You Do It?

 

 

Pero ito ang sagot ko, “Because I realized that my husband deserved the recognition not just me. Siya yung moving power ko to keep on going until I reached my dream. Sabi nga niya “Walang sukuan, kayang kaya natin yan.” 

"Kaya I decided to use his last name, it is my way of showing my appreciation to this man who never left me until I reached my dream.

"Salamat sa aking marino, Engr. Kenneth King San Juan, ang tagumpay na ito ay para sa iyo. Lahat ng pagod mo sa barko, ito na nasuklian na. Ngayong taon ikaw naman ang mag eexam para sa promotion mo at ako naman ang bahala sa suporta.

Their love story may seem perfect, but she says, it's the journey that makes it all worthwhile. She has a message to couples. 

"Sa mga mag-asawa, maging LDR man or hindi, be each other’s fortress. Be there for every failure or success of the other. No relationship is perfect but truly make it work and be there for each other."

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