'Madami Kaming Alone Time, Hindi Rin Kami Pagod,' Mom Asks For Help With 'Almost Sexless Marriage'The anonymous mom said, she can't help but think about her ex.by Judy Santiago Aladin .
You might be familiar with stories of married couples who have less sex after having kids. Most of the time, it's the wife who declines because she might be too tired of caring for the baby and doing housework, and sometimes, due to changes in her body.
Mommy L reveals, to have sex with her husband at least thrice a month is already an achievement. Having less sex with her husband makes her miss her ex-boyfriend, who is on the same level as her when it comes to intimacy.
Her post reads, "How to handle 'almost sexless marriage?' 10 years na kami together. 30 [years old] palang kami ni mister, pero halos once or twice nalang kami mag-do. Nagyayaya din naman ako. Hindi din kami pagod sa work. Yung mister ko, hindi din talaga siguro "mahilig." Madami na yung 3x a month. Ako samin ung ma "L." We're okay naman. Napag-u-usapan. Pero hanggang usap lang. Tanggapin ko nalang ba na ganito? 30 palang kami pero parang 60s na. Please don't get me wrong. Hindi ko tuloy maiwasang maisip ung ex ko na same kami ng levels towards this matter."
A lot of moms in the comment section admit that they are in the same situation as Mommy L. Some even said, "Akala ko ako yung nagpost. Same na same kami."
It is important because it's one way to be connected with your partner, and sometimes it makes you feel confident.
While several studies show that having frequent sex has health benefits, it doesn't follow that having less frequent sex makes a relationship less satisfying.
In the case of the anonymous mom, having less sex with her husband enables her to make comparisons with other people - with her former lover in particular.
Parents in the SPV shared their insights and tips to Mommy L on how she can handle her situation better.
How to handle an 'almost sexless marriage'
1. Make the first move
Some parents tell Mommy L to do the first move. "Ikaw mag-start. Ang lalaki hindi na makakatanggi pag nahawakan na," one parent said. One mom suggests Mommy L to wear sexy outfits or role play to put her husband in the mood. Others are also suggesting using sexual performance enhancement drinks or food that are aphrodisiacs.
2. Check in on your husband
Other parents suspect that there might be a reason why Mommy L's husband is not always in the mood for sex. One reason is that he could tired and stressed from work, or worse, he has an underlying condition like sleep apnea or diabetes.
According to Mayo Clinic, depression, stress, alcoholism or fatigue can be factors in loss of sex drive in men. It's best to consult a doctor so that they can suggest treatment options.
3. Shake things up a bit
One mom said, "Baka need ng change of environment." Another mom suggests to Mommy L to find other ways to be intimate like having regular dates. If husband is adventurous, go on adventurous dates.
She adds, "For me, yung connection is what makes me feel na I want to make love with husband. Pag di ko feel ang connection, challenging for me. Keep talking and finding out the root cause. I am sure you will both find your sexy groove back."
4. Continue to communicate
Daddy Dreus Cosio, a member of the Smart Parenting Dad Squad said, "What couples need is to know what is their main emotional need and communicate how both can satisfy the needs. If sex is need ng isa, but not the other, keep on talking about it, how your spouse can make it enjoyable in times na you do it."
He adds, "Guide each other. Make him your hero by letting him know how he makes you feel happy and fulfilled in that need when he gives it to you. Find his intimate spot. Physical ba or verbal turns it on for him? Atmosphere, timing or prep? Seeing sex as a need or making love and deep bonding moment.Then fulfill the other needs. So reciprocacy happens."
A mom adds, "Di naman kayo same wavelength ng sex drive ng asawa mo. You can seek other ways to have that special connection."
What can you advise Mommy L? Join the conversation at the Smart Parenting Village.
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