Mom Shares Annulment Journey, Advises Other Women To ‘Discern A Lot’ Before Doing It

After 13 years of marriage, Sarah (not her real name) made the difficult decision to file for an annulment in 2018. Nearly six years later, she reflects on the journey with gratitude, having received official documentation that declares her marriage null and void. Although she chose to keep her identity private, she agreed to share her story with Smart Parenting, revealing the complex reasons for her decision, the lengthy and challenging process of annulment, and advice for those who might be considering a similar path.

The annulment process

Why did you file for an annulment? / What made you decide to file for an annulment?

We got married in 2005 and I filed [for an annulment in 2018]. We have two daughters, now aged 16 and 9 years old. Early in the marriage, we’ve already had instances when we would get physical during a fight, an argument.

It got better for a while, but when our arguments fell into a pattern and a lot of things were left unresolved, primarily because there was a refusal to get intervention when I thought it was most needed. The fights escalated and started getting more physical until eventually, the children started seeing me get hurt.

'I came from a broken home, if you can call it that. My parents separated when I was very young, but I thought that in my own life, my own execution, I’ll be able to get it right, but sadly, I didn’t.'-Sarah

So that’s when I decided that it was time to get an annulment, given that I don’t want my daughters to think that this is normal and this is something that should be tolerated.

What did the annulment process entail? How long did the process take for you?

[The annulment process] took about four years. I filed in 2018 and I got the decision in 2022.

It’s a very long process but it started off with looking for a lawyer. I asked for recommendations and referrals from friends and finally landed a lawyer that I felt comfortable with. I did a consultation and when it appeared that we were on the same page and she understood where I’m coming from, I signed on her service.

What took a really long time was creating the narrative because you have to detail everything about your relationship from how it began until how it ended. There’s also a background of how you were as a child and how you were with your family. So it covers everything and it can get pretty traumatic having to live through all that.

After that, I don’t know if we can call it a summon, [which] was sent to my then-husband and a request for him to respond.

And then we both underwent a psychological test. I’m not sure if this is still required by the court, but given my grounds of psychological incapacity, we did that back then.

We had to then attend preliminaries to establish if there is a cause for the case to continue. And then it was raffled off and assigned to a branch. This also took a while because our court had issues having to share an RTC with another city. So it took a while before things got rolling.

Afterwards, I had about two or three hearings in person. And then another two with the presentation of witnesses. But it was done online given that we were on lockdown and the case started progressing during the lockdowns.

The decision finally came out after a long while. After that has been decided on, after that [the annulment] has been granted, there is the filing of the decision with the PSA for us to update our status and do the necessary paperwork for updating names, etc.

How much did the annulment cost?

The entire annulment cost me around P300,000 from start to finish, but that rate was from 2018.

'It’s very important for you to be courageous, especially if you have children, because they will draw their strength from you.'-Sarah

Healing after the annulment

What did you feel during the process? How did the kids take it?

It’s difficult because all of us had to deal with the circumstances and given that I’m a solo parent and literally not getting any support from their dad, it was doubly hard to try to meet all their needs and heal with the girls because I know I had to work extra hard so I could get them everything they need. But I also knew that they needed me physically present and I couldn’t handle that for a while since, again, I have to be elsewhere to be working.

It was also very hard because one of the things that I had in my head when I did get married was that I’m going to make sure my own family gets it right. I came from a broken home, if you can call it that. My parents separated when I was very young, but I thought that in my own life, my own execution, I’ll be able to get it right, but sadly, I didn’t.

We [Sarah and her daughters] are still adjusting until now. The girls haven’t seen their father in over a year and we haven’t heard anything from him.

I also know how difficult it is for the girls given that they used to be very close.They shared a very close relationship and while we were married, he was a very good father to them. He was caring, he was nurturing, but then it was the marriage that was the problem and we couldn’t get through our own issues.

The process of detachment, especially for my children, was hard to see. [It] was hard to live through and we’re still healing. We’re not there yet, but we’re slowly healing.

How has the annulment affected your family?

We have a good support system in my family, so we’re literally a village and my siblings look after [us], and their children look after my girls. So I think that’s very important.

Through this, we [Sarah and her daughters] became way closer and we now share a very open relationship. Our communication lines are open and we know that it’s just basically us three.

Do you have any advice for other women or moms out there who might be considering having their marriage annulled?

For anybody who’s thinking that going into annulment is an easy process or it’s something that you can just jump into, you better think twice about it, discern a lot. Consider what it is that is important to you, why you’re doing it.

How important it is for you to go through this entire experience and you need to have strength. You need to have faith. You need to have hope that things will get better. It’s very important for you to be courageous, especially if you have children, because they will draw their strength from you.

So, if this is something that you're toying with in your thoughts, I’d say give it time, think about it carefully, [consult] other friends, exhaust all means to try to save what you have.

I know that marriage is sacred. It’s a commitment. It’s a sacrament. But if there’s really nothing that is working for you or if you feel and believe that it’s already detrimental to your person and to your own family, your kids if you have kids, then go on ahead. Just make sure that you have your eyes open when you get into it so that you wouldn’t lose your way.