#SPConfessions: 'I Have A Verbally Abusive Husband. If I Leave Him, I'm Scared He'll Take Away My Kids'

Ang kwentong ito ay hango sa isang tunay na #SPConfessions na ipinadala sa amin sa Smart Parenting Village. Ang ilang mga detalye ay bahagya naming binago upang bigyang proteksyon ang nagpadala nito.

What should you if your husband of almost 20 years has been verbally abusive towards you?

In a Facebook group, Smart Parenting Village, a mom took the first step to seek advice from her fellow parents. 

In an anonymous post, she detailed, "I have a verbally abusive husband. We have kids and been married for almost 2 decades. Ang sakit-sakot [sic] magsalita kapag nagaaway kami kahit mali niya, lagi siyang tama. Kahit nandyan mga kids nag-aaway kami. He says things like "malas ka sa buhay ko," "t*nga," "g*go," "t*ng ina mo," "walang utak," "maghiwalay na tayo."

"He even told one [of] my kids, "'Wag ka mag-asawa ng ganyan, pag ganyan, iwan mo agad." He belittles me, and he is greedy."

She added that she is an undergraduate and currently unemployed. She got married at a young age. "Sometimes I feel like giving up, but my kids keep me going. They need me, especially my youngest. I have well-off parents, but I don't want to cause them trouble.

The mom then revealed the reason why she cannot leave her husband just yet: "If I'll be leaving my husband, I'm scared he'll take my kids away from me. I really need advice mommies. Also I cannot afford tuition."

Parents respond to mom with a verbally abusive husband

Other parent members flocked to the comment section to comfort the anonymous mom and offer their advice.

"Please know that you are beautiful. You are smart. You are an amazing mom and an amazing person. You are so precious. You can build yourself again, for you and your kids. Please do it for yourself and for your kids. You cannot pour from an empty cup. Be the best version of yourself so that your kids can have a best version of their mom. It's never too late."

Some even opened up that they also went through the same experience, and shared how they overcome it.

"Hi mommy, lumaki kami sa ganyang family. Naririnig same words sa sarili naming ama. Yung mother ko nag-stay parin kahit ganun. Mula maliit kami hanggang nagsilakihan, ganun yung father nmin. Kami as mga anak, mas gusto namin kung naghiwalay nalang sila dati pa. Para hindi sana namin nakalakihan yung ganung mga awayan. Until now, ganun parin sila kahit senior na sila. Matanda na mother ko pero stressed pa rin siya sa father ko everyday. Imagine ung stress niya for almost three decades. It's your choice mommy. Sending hugs."

Another mom said, "I am a victim of VAWC. Physically, emotionally, financially (coz I am the bread winner). I made it, I escaped the situation where I was. My kids are under my sole custody. It's hard, coz you are battling with yourself, I seek professional help too to overcome everything. Trust me momsh it's worth it. It may be challenging but I know every woman deserves a man who will love and respect us. My family and friends helped me in the process, and I believe they are the one who can help you too. Trust me it's all worth it. I am enjoying the peace of mind and freedom that I have. If I made it, you can do it too. Hugs, mommy."

What can you do legally if you have a verbally abusive husband

A previous Smart Parenting article discussed the legal action women could take if they have a verbally abusive husband or partner.

Atty. Jose Manuel "Chel" Diokno addressed the question from a message sender, saying, they can file a case against Republic Act 9262 or the Anti-Violence Act Against Women and Children or VAWC.

“Pinagbabawal ng batas na ito ang psychological violence,” the lawyer explains. “Saklaw nito ang harassment ang pagdudulot ng emotional anguish sa babaeng kalaguyo o dating kalaguyo at sa mga anak nito.”

Verbal abuse is covered under VAWC, which states that “causing mental or emotional anguish, public ridicule or humiliation to the woman or her child, including, but not limited to, repeated verbal and emotional abuse, and denial of financial support or custody of minor children of access to the woman’s child/children.”

What the anonymous mom can do first, based on Atty. Diokno's advice, apart from filing a case against the abuser under VAWC, is to apply for a barangay protection order from their respective barangay hall.

“Ang BPO ay naglalayong ilayo ang babae o pamilya at pigilan ang anumang dahas at ano mang pinasala na pwedeng gawin na nakakasakit sa kanya. Ang hindi pagsunod sa BPO ay maaring isumbong sa pulis at ito ay may karampatang parusa," Atty. Diokno said.

Women who experience any form of abuse are advised to consult with the Integrated Bar of the Philippines (IBP) for legal assistance.

Final word

To summarize the advice of the parents to the anonymous mom, one mom put it this way, "Mommy, what you allow will continue. How your husband treats you will eventually become a norm sa mata ng mga anak mo. Iisipin nila na its okay murahin at laitin ang sarili nilang ina or kahit pa sinong tao."

"Find the courage to let him know na hindi ka na okay sa ganyang treatment from him, whether the easy or the hard way. Mahigpit na yakap mommy!"

Edited for spelling, punctuation, grammar, and formatting.

Mayroon ka bang sarili mong #SPConfessions na nais ibahagi sa amin? Ipadala lang kay Sara Palma sa Smart Parenting Village o hindi kaya ay i-email sa smartparentingsubmissions@gmail.com.