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  • Wife on Refusing Sex With Hubby: Mahirap Kapag Matagal Na Hindi Napagbigyan

    It's your body and your right to refuse, but be considerate of your husband's needs as well.
    by Rachel Perez .
Wife on Refusing Sex With Hubby: Mahirap Kapag Matagal Na Hindi Napagbigyan
  • Sexual intimacy is one aspect of marriage that shouldn’t be neglected. Experts advised couples to get busy under the sheets for at least once a week to have a happy relationship. If it’s just a lack of sexual desire, there are ways to work on that. If sex has become a chore, there are also ways to spice it up and keep it exciting (Click here and here to find out how).

    Is it okay to refuse sex with your husband?

    Some couples would argue that sex is one of the duties of husbands and wives to each other. One upside of being married and faithful to your spouse is having an active sex life — that is, until the kids arrive, which makes it tricky but still doable. (Click here for kinds or married sex.) But then, there’s also the issue of consent and respect for each other’s bodies. So, is it okay to say no to sex with your spouse?


    We asked moms in the Smart Parenting Village, and here are their insights on the issue, as well as some of their husband’s reactions to being refused.

    Sex in a marriage should always be consensual

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    Sex, even within marriage, should always be consensual. Even husbands can say no if they don’t feel like doing it. Of course, partners should have good communication and an understanding of why they’re not feeling it as of the moment. — Clarissa Liporada Gadiano

    Consider your spouse’s love language

    You can say ‘no,’ definitely. But as wives, we have to consider our spouse’s love language. If his love language is touch, then it is your responsibility as a wife to fill his love tank. — Ayeen Valdezco-Regalado

    I don’t say no. I prepare for it

    May mga pahiwatig naman si mister na may balak siya. Tsaka hindi naman namin araw-araw o maya’t maya ganon. ‘Pag alam ko na may balak sya, I make it a point na ready ako any time. ‘Di ako masyado nagpapaka-stress sa trabaho, sa bahay, at sa pag-aalaga ng anak para ma-appreciate din niya na I still have time for him. Tandaan, kahit may anak na tayo, priority pa rin natin dapat ang mga partners natin above all. — K Reyes Umali

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    Make me want to be in the mood for sex

    I hardly say no kasi minsan lang siya andito, two weeks lang every six months. ‘Pag nag ‘no’ ako, ang kasunod nun ay, “Ilagay mo ko sa mood kase wala ako sa mood.” — Anewor R. Antonio

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    No on days that I’m not safe

    I don’t usually say ‘no,’ but my husband and I already have agreement na during peak [ovulation] days, hindi talaga pwede. On the safe days, go lang. We’re not into non-artificial contraceptives, pure calendar method lang. Communication lang talaga ang key and sobrang patient at understanding ni hubby sa mga ganitong bagay kasi siyempre bawal pang masundan si L.O. — Aileen Ramos-Acosta

    The decision should be mutual

    On the Bible’s point of view, wala tayong karapatan to say no unless the decision is mutual because, through marriage, our bodies are not for ourselves alone but for our husbands as well. But I still say “no” pa din ‘pag talagang not feeling well. Pero kung “mood” lang, try to keep yours in sync with your husband kahit na minsan ay madami talagang iniisip tungkol sa work, sa household, etc. — Ritz Avanzado Rodriguez


    Saying ‘no’ just adds to the stress of a long busy day

    The only time I say no is when I have my monthly visit. It’s not even a ‘no,’ kasi my hubby knows that if not for my period, I would say yes. We are busy and tired after a long day, and we have a toddler that we co-sleep with, so saying ‘no’ shouldn’t be a reason for not having sexy time. Saying ‘no’ just adds to the stress of a long busy day. Whenever we can find the time, we always grab the opportunity to have our sexy time. — Jean Jardinazo

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    We have the right over our bodies

    It is alright to say ‘no.’ We have the right over our bodies. Nadadaan naman sa tamang usapan. I am a stay at home mom, juggling with household chores, caring for the kids, and managing a business. Kapag nag-iinitiate si husband, he makes sure na nakapaghinga na ako. If I’m still not in the mood, I say no and he’ll just hug me until he falls asleep. Magigising na lang ako feeling a little guilty and I will make it up to him. — Veronica Delos Santos-Hung


    Sulitin na hangga’t bata pa

    Never pa yata akong nag- no. Si hubby bawal ding mag-no sa akin if I want t. ‘Pag tumanda na kami, we can no longer do that so dapat ngayon sulitin na. Make it a habit. — Rovie Basubas Serrano

    Yes, it’s weird kapag wala sa mood.

    Yes, we can always say no. Just be straight up about it or pretend to sleep and end up sleeping for real. It’s okay with my husband because he says he wouldn’t want to do the act if I wasn’t in the mood. — Rochelle Anne Baculo

    No kapag galing sa tampuhan

    Tumatanggi lang ako ‘pag galing kami sa tampuhan. Wala naman na siya reaction at ‘di din naman siya nagtatampo. Naiintindihan niya siguro na minsan masama pa loob ko, then try lang sya hanggat pumayag ako. — Aiko See Go Estarez

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    Divert your husband’s attention


    Yes, and understanding naman si hubby. I make it up to him sa ibang bagay like cooking for him, playing ps4 with him, or pinapayagan kong mag-bike with his friends. Proper explanation lang and diversion siguro para hindi laging sex nasa isip niya. — Maan Tanael Mercado

    Respect, not sex, matters more in the relationship

    Sex is one of our obligations as a spouse/partner, but it doesn’t mean that every time our partner wants to, we are obligated to always give in. Married/common-law relationship doesn’t remove our rights to make our own choice. And saying a simple ‘no’ is enough. Sex doesn’t mean everything in our relationship, respect does. — Lexie Siscar

    Mahirap kapag matagal na hindi napagbigyan

    We can say no pero it still depends on the situation. Kailangan may dahilan kung bakit ayaw mo. Ang mahirap kasi niyan kapag matagal-tagal na hindi napagbigyan, it may cause affection sa iba. And as a wife na din, it is our responsibility to provide it lalo na kung hinahanap ng asawa mo. Vice versa din siyempre. — Kathlyn San Juan


    At the end of the day, it is your body, your sex life, and your marriage. Having open communication with your spouse is key, so you can talk about it to make sure it doesn’t become a big issue in your relationship. In a marriage, the goal is always to make both husband and wife happy.

    Want a more satisfying and healthy sex life? Click here for some tips.

    What other parents are reading

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