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Turn Fights With Your Partner Into A Learning Opportunity With A Simple PhraseThis phrase can remind you that you should work together instead of blame each other.by Kate Borbon .
As time passes, two individuals can learn how to handle arguments maturely. However, sometimes, it can still be easy for a couple to fall into the cycle of blaming and hurting each other. When this happens, resentment can build up between them and eventually damage their relationship.
The good news is, there’s one simple phrase you can use to put an end to the bickering and focus on finding a solution to the problem: “We’re on the same team.”
HuffPost writes that according to marriage therapists, simply reminding your partner that you are on the “same team” can help both of you remember that you should be working together to resolve the issue you’re dealing with instead of blaming each other for what’s happening.
“Saying ‘same team’ is saying even if I don’t want this situation or disagreement, I still want us and this relationship,” psychologist Marie Land tells HuffPost. “That itself can allow defenses to come down and real problem-solving to begin.”
How the phrase “We’re on the same team” works
Marriage and family therapist Jennifer Chappell Marsh tells HuffPost that the phrase “We’re on the same team” works because it allows both people to acknowledge that their emotions have taken over and caused them to lose sight of their real goal, which is to face the issue as a solid, united team.ADVERTISEMENT - CONTINUE READING BELOW
This approach also gives way to self-reflection, so you ask yourself questions such as, “Why am I so focused on winning this argument?” and “Why is it so hard for us to see that we are on the same team?”
Antonia Hall, M.A., a psychologist, relationship expert, and author, says that this focus on being right and winning can ultimately damage the relationship between two people.
“The need to be right in an argument is divisive and can lead to resentments in the relationship, especially over time,” Hall tells The Healthy. “If you can’t remember that you’re a team, and focus on the root of what’s really causing conflict, there’ll be hurt feelings that can create desires for separation.”
At the end of the day, the goal is not to win, but to work together to come up with the best possible solution to your problem.
“Remember you are ‘on the same team.’ The goal is not to ‘win’ the argument,” psychotherapist Sharon Martin tells Primer Magazine. “The goal is resolution in a way that is respectful and meets both of your needs.”
Sometimes, fights can be brought about by stress. Date night is a great way for you and your spouse to recharge! Click here to learn more.
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